I have been widowed for 14 months. I was told by other widowed friends that the second year of bereavement is worse than the first. I have certainly found this to be true. I have tried hard to build a new life for myself with some succes, but for the last 3 months or so I have been really struggling. I’m f eel I’m going through the motions, but my heart and soul aren’t really in it. Im just existing as best I can. Does anyone else feel like this? I feel so alone and that others seem to be coping well, but im not. I would really appreciate some helpful comments on this.
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Hi i am 4 months on and cant make a decision on anything i am anxious all the time and now being pressured to go back to work,
People keep telling me things get better but cant seem to see that at the minute.
Dont really know where to start i just loved my old life with him but i know i need to forge a new one to survive this.
X
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@Danielle2 it’s been 9 months for me. Like you I’m doing my best to forge some sort of future. I too feel I’m going through the motions. I am really trying to go out and do stuff on my own but it doesn’t bring the same joy not having someone to talk it over with and share. I write in my journal and talk to my husband in my head all the time but sometimes that just makes me feel more lonely. I’m hoping the more I do it will become more fun.
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It’s been nearly nine weeks since my partner passed away and after 30 years together I’ve never been so lonely I don’t have any friends or family to turn to every day is a struggle my partner Ann and myself were both animal lovers and because I have mobility problems we have only had cats and the only friend I have is our fur baby and I think if I didn’t have our cat I think I would be joining Ann I spend a lot of time laying on my bed with Rosie my cat and wondering if I will always be feeling so alone people keep saying things will get better with time but being without friends or family I think it’s going to take a long time for me to not feel so alone
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I have heard this from a few people too and I honestly can’t think or should I say imagine it can be harder and I don’t mean any disrespect by this whatsoever. I’ve had horrendous anxiety, isolated myself, pushed people away and had horrendous chest pains after flashbacks and nightmares. I have gone to bed crying and not caring if I don’t wake up in the morning. I don’t see for me how it can be any worse or harder. Is it because maybe we are numb and in autopilot on the first of everything? Sorry I’m just trying to get an understanding of this.x
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I am sorry for what you are going through. 8 months in, I have also tried to build a new normal life since the NY. I am going with the flow do whatever I want to do go wherever I want to go feel whatever I want to feel. My heart and soul aren’t in it either and I am aware that I only exist each day but nothing I can do about it I can’t force it to be any other way so I just let it be.
People say I am coping very well - they don’t really see me! I try to keep myself busy all the time to distract myself from sadness and loneliness. Being busy does help divert my attention towards the tasks at hand but as soon as I stop, the feeling of sadness, emptiness and loneliness quickly sets in and from there it goes downhill. So maybe try to keep busy as long as possible and also try take one day at a time - it may help.
Take care X
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When I’m busy in work it distracts me but on the odd occasion I think oh I can’t wait to tell Steve or I catch a glimpse of him on my phone it’s like a punch in the gut. I love cooking and loved to see him enjoying my food but now I just can’t be bothered. It hurts that people I thought were friends aren’t around as they were in the beginning. The evenings and weekends are so lonely. I know I need to move forward a bit but it’s so hard isn’t it.
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I was widowed suddenly in September. 10 days from diagnosis to Steve going. We had no children I have my little dog, I see people for small amounts of time but am so lonely . I stay in bed often as I am so sad. I don’t work as I was ill and retired on medical grounds. At 59 all I see in front of me is loneliness. Although I live in a town my bungalow is vey isolated. Never thought I would be in this position. Looking to move to a retirement complex if I can. I am trying to make new friends as couples just don’t get it. Thankyou for reading.
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Hi that maybe good for you as at least you can have company if you chose too and have alone time when it suits too. I’m 53 and my Steve was only 44 so we used to do some lovely things together and had lovely holidays too. I never expected in a million years it would be me having to live without him 
x
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Me too! I love cooking and used to try and cook different kinds of food following recipes on YouTube, which Sean enjoyed tasting every time and now I can’t be bothered so just knock up something simple for myself to eat to survive. I feel lonely when at home on my own if I am not busy so I try to go out as much as I can and only come home just before dinner and to sleep. Loneliness is horrible but we cannot avoid it unfortunately - we can just try to take one day at a time and hope that one day it will become bearable 
It’s hard to move forward but I hope it’ll get better someday for us all.
Take care X
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You too.x I’ve done batch cooking since Steve passed but my freezer is fit to burst anytime now. I’d love to have friends to come over and cook for them. I’ve never been a winter person and we loved cwtching up on the sofa holding hands and watching tv.x
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Same here, I have enough food in my freezer to feed me for the next 3 months and I still cook every weekend- just can’t stop. I miss going through the recipes with him and deciding which to experiment next. He was as excited as me about trying new recipes we were good team I cooked and he washed up afterwards - he had his special way of filling up the dishwasher! He was a king of one liner and known for his witty sense of humour. I miss his company so much .
All best X
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Dear @Danielle2
Oh my darling, so ‘good’ to read your post because I understand a100%.
The pain of grief is definitely harder for me now. 16 months for me and at the moment it is the hardest it has ever been… But I’ve been there before I hit a wall at 9 months when it was all too unbearable and I thought it couldn’t get any worse…
I think??? But I don’t know ( not even for me…let alone anyone else - all our grief journeys are so unique) that the grief just changes, and it’s the new way of how we have to cope and deal with it that is so very, very challenging and hard and all consuming…
At the beginning the rawness is overwhelming, and you feel like it will never end, and over time the rawness somehow becomes more real, and we fight that reality with all our might, because we don’t want it to be true, and then the intensity of our grief just increases beyond recognition, and is deeper than we ever thought possible… because we thought we’d already reached the that depth… And it’s scary, very scary
And at any moment we can be transported back to previous stages of the grief, including the initial absolute rawness of it.
That’s why grief of a partner is so EXHAUSTING.
AND so LONELY, so completely ISOLATING, cos no one , but no one can understand our grief, and as time passes , fewer and fewer people want to care or understand that we are a completely different person, who is still suffering .
Hugs to you all as we negotiate another day…
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Hi Helen24 I can totally relate to what you say, I use to love cooking too , trying out new recipes and Pete would try them out.
Now I don’t cook at all I just eat to survive, sandwiches mainly.
People I thought were friends have since stopped ringing or messaging and I haven’t seen any of them since October , I am not sure why they went from all to nothing over night. I feel a little confused and upset that they can do this.
We had friends that were really mainly people he knew but everyone said “ you’re not alone we are here for you “ then nothing.
I don’t know we’re to start forging a new me , the old me is gone and I am not one to bug people and put myself on them so the loneliness here.
I am 16 weeks in and I can’t see a light at the end .
Take Care x
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The last part of your message was as if I had written it myself, people keep saying to me you know where I am if you need anything. There are a few women in work who are around my age who are divorced or just single by choice but they are happy to be home birds and stay in. I’m not used to being on my own. I’m also not the type to go out on my own so I feel so stuck. I wish there was some type of local group but there is nothing where I live.x
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I lost my husband 25 August 2022 and can relate to your post completely.
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Dear @Pakapa
I lost my husband 24 August 2022.
One day before our wedding anniversary on the 25th August
Thank you for your reply, it means so much when someone gets how you are feeling, and can relate to your posts
Love and hugs 
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I lost my husband 19th Dec 2022, I am kept busy at times looking after my grandchildren, but still have to come home to an empty house, hubby was the one who enjoyed coming cooking, I also have done batch cleaning cooking where my freezer has no more room. Today I decided I was going to go through some of hubbys clothes, they are all still in same place he kept them, I felt I was ready to donate some to charity shop, but boy was I wrong, I’ve not cried as much for a wee while, so I’ve decided it’s not time yet, I’ve managed to fill two bags with a mixture of both our stuff.
It’s so hard, we had a good life enjoyed being with each other, now I get jealous seeing other couples walking hand in hand.
I’m just having a rough day today, thought I was coping better than I am.
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Back from visiting an old neighbour this afternoon. Back to an empty house apart from our dog and cat. Meal for one. Night in front of tele once had a very happy comfortable life doing most things together. Now alone no family but a few good friends. Have weepy spells most days. Helps to be on this site and know others are feeling the same. Take care x
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Omg this sent shivers down my spine I can so relate. I’ve tried a few times now to pack Steve’s stuff away but I can’t do it. I have a week off work next so will try again, I might just put it in bags and then put it into the attic. I need to find something other than cooking to do as my freezer is on the verge of collapse.
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