This is almost exactly my situation. I have 2 wonderful neighbours who are here for me day or night but as you say you don’t want to bother then. My hubby was my world and now he has gone I feel exactly the same as you. If I go out I dread coming back because the house is empty. I don’t know how I am going to survive the Winter I hate the long early dark nights at the best of times and it will be even more lonely now. It is a shame that we do not have a live group that people in our position could go to and console each other. I am sure it would help. Thank goodness we can vent our feelings on here.
Hugs to you , we have to get through this together. I am sure our husbands are watching over us.
Hi Peter
I understand every word you wrote… as would everybody else on this site. I am 60, lost my Wife (59) 2 years ago. She was an absolute cracker and we were together 40 years. she knew me far better than I know myself. I tried to end it 4 times and failed… NOT a cry for help… I was so annoyed when I survived. I won’t put my elderly Mum through that again. When my Mum and cat goes it is time for me to leave as well. I drink every day in the hope something will get me. I know this is depressing but a reality. I have 5 amazing friends who love me and want me to stay and move on.I love them all… but still want …and NEED to be with the love of my life. Good luck mate, I totally understand .
Hello Hartley, Lynn2, Lorraine, MoGreg1, Viv3, Peter61 and everyone else.
I empathise so much with everyone’s pain and feelings of loneliness and doubts about being able to carry on without their lovely partners in life.
I lost my darling partner Sunny in June 2021. He was in ITU on a ventilator with a rare lung disease called IPF. He was only 57. We had so many plans, so much to look forward to. I’m on a rollercoaster, sometimes angry, tearful, feeling that I can’t carry on. Other times I hear his sensible voice saying “come on Soph, you’ll be ok babe” as he did when he was alive. It’s so difficult not having his sound advice, his calming way of sorting out problems, his friendship, his cuddles, our intimacy and deep love.
It’s early days for me but what I do know is that he, and all of our wonderful husbands, wives and partners, would want us all to find our Plan B and to live our lives. This grief and loss forces us to dig deep into ourselves and to start discovering the untapped stuff that we never otherwise would have considered. Wishing us all love and joy for the future x
Hi mufcab 1968 I am up to 16 months of loosing my dear husband. I does get better but there Is always that emptiness around. I was with my lad 53 years and when he went ,a part of me did as well. I have 3 great kids and grandchildren , but when your on your own at night it pulls your heart strings remembering what it was like before they left.I was 78 yesterday and got an old birthday card out he had wrote some beautiful word. I remember him putting his arms around me and saying how much he loved me. I am on a battle of my own, I found out I have cancer it was the 5 th of July I have had 5 chemo cycles to shrink it, and need another 13. Every time I come home to an empty house I shout I am back. But no one says anything back to me . But at the clinic there are lots of people fighting to stay alive and that’s what I have to do . My sweet man would’ve been very cross if I threw the towel in. So you must do the same. There is always someone on here to pull you along ,chin up and I will be thinking about you big hug Florance
Hi Harley I can understand how you mayfeeling as I’ve been bereaved many years and often put a brave face on things simply because it was easier for me. Plus it didn’t make some people feel awkward??
Very often I won’t mention my marital status and I still wear my wedding ring .
have you asked your medical professionals for help?
Because unlike when I was first widowed there was not any support, because of my age. I was 45 , as was no loving wife. But now?thereseems to be E eral groups offering support and talking therapies, espfrom within the NHS
I recently had cognitive behaviour therapy and counselling.
But only you can decide what to do ?
If you would like to chat with me on here, or zend me aprivate message
I will reply
Mr chipps
I know exactly how you are feeling I lost my husband 4 months ago people say to me life goes on your doing well…really am I I’m a complete mess I never see anyone don’t hear from anyone if it wasn’t for my children I’d be gone .
Facing each day without my husband is just unbearable the hurt is dreadful
Take care x
I lost my husband over 2 weeks ago. I feel so lost and alone, with just my little dog for company. I was his carer for many years. I am still in shock and feel I can’t function anymore. I have no family nearby. Every day is an effort, so I know exactly how you feel. Will it ever get any better
Gloria most of us have been where you are now even myself who feels after exactly 6 months that it’s still an effort. I’m not sure if it will ever get better it’s just one day at a time for me.
Hi, I can empathise with how you feel, life can be torn apart in the blink of an eye.
Like you and your dear wife, my husband was fit and full of life and then out of the blue he had a massive embolism in his sleep, waking up to find him gone with his arm still around me will haunt me for the rest of my life.
People mean well going on about time healing, happy memories etc etc etc but all I think is how can any amount of time make any difference to a heart torn to shreds.
All of us in this group that none of us could have ever imagined being part of are walking through the same minefield.
Iike you I have photographs of my darling husband and I all over the house, I talk to his handsome smiling face
I’ve had mixed opinions on it, but all I know is that I need to see him all around me.
We were together for 38 years, all my adult life.
I wish I had the answer for all of us, at least in this group we all understand what we are all going through and can say exactly how we feel knowing that there are others who feel the same.
I wish you well and hope that you can find a release for your pain, mine is walking, I walk for miles, the tears come and I just sit down on a rock and let them flow
Take care and a hug
Christine x
It helps talking to people that understand, I walk twice a day with my little dog, but I hate coming back to the empty house. No one to talk to but the dog, and he misses my husband too. My brain is a mush and there’s so many forms and things to sort out, I feel I can’t do anything. Thank you for your reply,sending hugs and understanding xx
so hard for you and so sad. There are so many of us struggling. We pretend we are coping… we’re not ! So comforting i am not strange after nearly 2 years. We are lucky that we found our soul mates… but so unlucky when we lose them. Life is unfair. Take care x
Like you I find comfort in having photographs of my hubby surround me. I feel that he is near. I even have his happy, smiling face as my screen saver on my phone. I know I will never get over this he too wasn’t whole world. Love and hugs to you and everyone in here. The pain is unbearable isn’t it.
I can relate to everything your saying. I’m giving in lost my beautiful husband in June this year he was my world for 32 whole years we had our lifes panned out
Now it’s been taken from us.just up existing each horrid day I don’t want to. He like your wife was an absolute cracker I told him all the time I loved him he was the best. And he loved me just as much.
Take care x
Hi Gloria
Yes we all understand what you mean… Returning to an empty house is so very hard… I sit in the garden or car for ages trying to put of going inside to nothing, no darling husband to give me a kiss and cuddle when I come in.
The tears come as soon as I walk through the door.
I’m so sorry that you don’t have anyone to help you with the paperwork, it’s hard enough just trying to get through the days.
I’m sure that your wee dog will be wondering where his dad is, animals are very intuitive so I hope you get some comfort from you wee dog.
As you say this group let’s us know that we are not alone or going mad.
Sometimes I think I will go mad with all the wishing my darling husband was still with me, its hard to think of anything else, I feel that he was just stollen from me in the night… All the wonderful years ahead just gone
A possible 30 plus years ahead without him fills me with horror.
Will close for now, take care and a big hug
Christine xx
Hi Mogreg
Yes the pain of losing our darling husbands and soul mates is umbearable, it hurts mentally and physically.
Sadly we don’t just lose them once we lose them in a million different ways, times and places.
Think this is what few people not in our position just don’t understand.
People mean well saying time heals, think of happy memories etc etc etc, having no idea how hurtful that can be to us.
Part of me thinks I should be pleased for them that they don’t understand as its only when we find ourselves here do we truly understand the empty hole in our hearts and how it feels to lose the love of our lives.
I am thankful for every wonderful loving second with my darling husband, sadly the greater the love, the greater the lose and grief
Take care and a big hug
Christine xx
Thank you Ali21. I also told my beautiful Wife every day that I loved her. I miss holding her hand, having a cuddle and having someone to care for… and be cared after. I totally understand how you feel. Hope life gets better for you. Big hug x
Hi all , like many of you I’ve wished and wished for my boyfriend to come back home, he was fine one minute then gone the next cardiac arrest at 40 years old , i found him and was like wake up why are you on the floor it’s not meant to be like this, everyone tells me how strong I am , it’s all a front , being alone in the house the silence is deafening I’ve cried so much dont think I have any tears left, hugs to you all xxx
Hi Claire
I can totally empathise with how you feel, woke up to find my husband had a massive embolism in his sleep… No warming nothing, he was fit and well and full of life… Then just gone.
So I totally understand your shock, disbelief, bewilderment etc etc.
It’s 18 months now and I still can’t believe that he can possibly be gone for ever, just like that. I still expect him to walk back in.
Like you I feel the house so empty and quiet.
My husband was so full of life always happy and smiling.
We lived for each other and we were happy just making one another happy.
I wish I had some magic answer for us Claire, I talk to a grief councilor which I find helps me express how I feel without worry of causing concern to family and friends… If you haven’t tried this it may be worth looking into, your GP should be able to help you with this.
My only release is walking, I walk for miles everyday, as you say the house is so empty.
I hope that you too can find a release, sending you a big hug
Christine xx
I am having some help from gp, medication yet to start working , I’m waiting to have some counselling too , tried to do it on my own , but seemed to have crashed now , friends and family say it’s because its sinking in now , I dont want it to sink in , I dont want to accept that he Is never coming back , I walk with the dog too , places that I know I wont bump into anyone, just to get out of the house. People say that I will have a new normal , I dont know how to be me without him xxx
people say to me life goes on your doing well…really am I I’m a complete mess I never see anyone don’t hear from anyone if it wasn’t for my children I’d be gone .