It was just a bad day yesterday that’s all.It won’t be the last but I make the most of the good days.I think I need to keep busy on a Saturday.It was always our favourite day when the iPads and the laptop get shut down early and we would watch silly films.I can’t do that now.I’m sure it will pass eventually.Jillx
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Hi Jill, I would suggest that if Saturday or Sunday are hard for you then plan something special to do. A trip to town or even another town, sit on a bus and go for a ride somewhere. Take the car to somewhere you haven’t visited for a while. Anything rather than sitting at home moping. Personally I don’t find Saturday or Sunday any different to any other day but I do plan something for at least one of those days. It becomes a habit after a time and will give you something to focus on.
Those bad days are hell and so not expected after we have had a good day. I can be on a high one day after I think how well I’m doing, next day the tears come again. Slightest little thing will set me off.
Yesterday good, today not so good. Waiting to see what tomorrow brings.
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I have already decided to go out Saturday morning.Going to the local shops and pick up my prescription.Sunday and yesterday were OK. X
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Everyday, seems the same to me, however getting out and about is a distraction. The Christmas stuff around the shops is hard, especially when you seen a decoration which is especially pretty.
Won’t be sorry when it’s all over.I don’t know how I’ll feel on the day,being here on my own but I’m trying to treat it as an ordinary day.I’m hoping that after Christmas I can try and move forward just a bit. Jill x
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Hi. Anniep. You will get help here, as you already have. I like to think of the folk on here as being a band of sisters and brothers who are going through the same awful and painful experience of grief. We share, and the old saying ‘a trouble shared is a trouble halved’ really does mean something,
You are NOT going crazy!! We all feel that way at times. In the beginning I thought I would finish up with mental problems. (Some might say I have!!!) I would put an Emoji there but I doubt you are in the mood for Emojis.
Time is immaterial. 5 days 5 years makes little difference because it depends on so many factors. If you run around to stop yourself thinking it means you are trying to escape the pain. That’s a battle you can’t win.
Far better to allow emotions to come. Cry if you want, buckets if you want but let it all go. Breakdowns are so often caused by ‘bottling up’ emotions. They will out in some way. Do you think you grieved properly three and a half years ago? It may be delayed grief which so often happens.
You must ignore the ignorant who say ‘you should be over this by now’, that is complete and utter nonsense. As I said, time has little to do with the pain of grief.
Take care and stick with us. This site has helped me and so many to come to terms with loss. Blessings.
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Hi Jonathan thank you for taking the time and trouble to respond to me. It’s like a lifeline being thrown. I do think I didn’t allow myself to grieve and now it is all consuming and so lonely. Everywhere I look or films or just anything on tv seems to be loving couples. My house is so quiet and empty and I feel I could go to bed and stay there. Thank heaven for my little dog who makes me take her for walks. Will I ever feel normal again? I really hope so. Please keep in touch it helps to read encouragement. Thank you again Anne
Hi. Anniep. When I came on this site I too felt a lifeline had been thrown. I honestly thought I was the only one to feel such pain. I was soon aware that so much suffering existed and that knowledge, together with the help I received helped so much. When we are well and everything is going well the last thing we want to think about is loss. The problem is we are so unprepared.
Seeing couples together; listening to music you both liked, waking up to an empty house!! It’s all part of this grieving process. It’s good you have your dog. ‘Man’s best friend’. Oh yes indeed.
Yes, you will arrive at a point that will seem ‘normal’, but it can never be the normality you had before. I think we all know that. It’s like embarking on a new way of living, a new routine. It’s over a year now for me and the pain has eased a bit. A ‘bit’ is good. I never expected quick fixes, and I know now that they don’t exist. We have to become ‘plodders’. Just moving along as fast or as slowly as we can. Painful? God yes, but it is possible to move forward in spite of the pain. We may have to go with it for some time, but keeping our eyes on the far horizon knowing the light is there can help. Take care and Blessings.
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Hi Jonathan It is so good to get a reply. I felt quite anxious again this morning and nervy think it’s all anxiety of the breakdown There are some days I think I’m going to be ok and then revert back to hopelessness. I must try to be strong as I know my family wouldn’t want me to give up. It is just so hard. Do we have to pay a subscription on here to get replies I’m not sure how it works? You seem to be coping well and dealing with your loss I find the empty house and not having anyone to talk to is so unbearable.Sorry I sound so down it’s not a good day for me. God bless you Anne
Hi annie
You dont pay to be on this forum but since the website changed, many of us no longer get email notifications to tell us that someone has responded to our posts. I’m just keeping an eye on any threads I am involved in to see any new responses or replies.
Cheryl x
Hi. Anniep. It is very much an up and down process is grief. But can you think of it as spiral? Up and down but always moving that little bit up. Little ‘bits’ add up to big bits. Be as down as you like on here and never apologise. It’s not necessary because we all know and understand.
Anxiety so often follows a bereavement. But is it surprising? A big trauma like a loss is bound to make us anxious. The past is gone and the future looks bleak. Who wouldn’t be anxious? Nervous breakdowns, so called, can be converted to ‘breakthroughs’ into an awareness of ourselves we never knew before. That is one of the positive things that comes out of this terrible experience.
Now please don’t think me saying that means I am minimising your pain. God knows, been there and still am! There is often safety in feeling anxious and even depressed. Anxiety can throw up nasty symptoms and the last thing you should do is fight or struggle with the feelings and emotions.
Acceptance is the key. Now this is not easy. Far from it. But going with it is better than trying to ‘get rid’ of it. Emotions will always out in some way, and suppressed emotions can bring up physical symptoms. Nothing is ever hopeless, although it may often feel that way.
Now I suggest instead of ‘giving up’ you ‘give in’. No difference? Oh yes there is. ‘Giving up’ is succumbing to despair. ‘Giving in’ to the the feelings and emotions that come with utter acceptance is much better. So many struggle in anxiety. I’m talking about anxiety and not grief, although the two have a lot in common.
I am dealing with it, but after a year it’s still painful. I accept that because I know it’s all part of this awful process.
Take care. God Bless you too and keep you safe.
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I think it’s the anxiety that I’m struggling with.Every morning,I feel like I’m shaking inside.It does wear off.I think I am anxious about my future,so many things going round in my head,not knowing where I’m going.I have totally lost my sense of direction without my rudder by my side and it’s terrifying.I’ve had a couple of good days now but it doesn’t take much to set me off again
I know daffy. It’s such a hard time especially for you having lived with your mum for so long. I was just looking at pictures of my mum taken a year before she died. She looked so healthy like she had 20 years of life left. I’m still in shock that she has gone x
I don’t know how I deleted that post!
I don’t know how I deleted my post! i tried to put it back. All I can do is repeat what I said. In the first two weeks I had shaking fits. It would be so easy to just buckle under the physical and emotional strain. I’ve never known anything like it. Ir’s a tidal wave of grief. Somehow, we have just got to keep going.
Everywhere, i look there are memories of loved ones no longer here. I spend the day around the shops, as I was waiting for a lift home. The music nearly drove me crazy.
It is overwhelming. An when things are overwhelming is often best to just take it the only way you can one step at a time.
C1971, i can comprehend why you’d feel in shock. I think I going to feel the same 6 plus months down the line.
I’m making mistakes, because of short nights sleep and tears.
Hi Daffy123 I understand what you’re saying. I have been out at shops all morning and also took the dog a walk Just came back in and my mood lowers and I feel so alone again in this quiet empty house I can’t seem to shake it off. The freezing cold weather doesn’t help I can’t seem to concentrate on Christmas presents or anything and don’t feel like anything when I go to get some food. I know I must pull myself out of this there are millions of people worse off than me, but it’s easier said than done. Do you have any suggestions what to do in your empty house? It is a bad day today so sorry to moan on . Keep strong and God bless you xx
It certainly is easier said than done. If it was possible I think I would have managed it by now. In the empty house you have done the right thing and come on this forum. That’s what I do, otherwise I find a film on Netflix. I am into a Canadian series and this I find brings me out of the gloom. Otherwise I walk the dogs, garden, go to the allotment I have. I get on with housework/clearing out cupboards, not a lover of housework but it keeps me occupied. When I first lost Brian a year ago I worked myself into the ground and even decorated. Thinking of painting it all again!!!. I don’t like shopping so this is not an option unless I actually need to get something. You have never met such a bad tempered shopper as me. Everything about shopping get’s on my nerves and when someone says “Have a good day” that’s me finished. If you can’t concentrate of Christmas presents then don’t bother, if family/friends care about you they will understand and when shopping for food then find something you fancy. Look after yourself, that’s the most important thing. Slowly your interest in the outside world will return but until it does then don’t pressure yourself. Don’t ever be sorry for what you say on this forum, this is what we are all here for, to offer or ask for support.
Take care xxxxx
Anniep15, i’m sorry to hear you are having a bad day. Paper chain decorations and classic Christmas songs really got to me yesterday.
I sometimes put on the TV with no sound, just to feel like something is going on when it is too quiet. It’s a bit of light and activity in the room. Also, a splash of colour in rooms can lift the mood. I emotionally struggle with the settee which Mum sat on. It is overwhelming seeing it empty. I suspect and one point I’ll get a huge throw and some very coloured cushions to brighten area. It won’t perform a miracle but it might help.
Overall, my motivation is near zero.
I took all of Robs meds back to the pharmacy and I was shaking all the way there.When I handed them over,she said,Why doesn’t he need them anymore?If she only knew the effort it took to put 2 bagfuls on the counter.I had been dreading that for 3 weeks but I’ve done it and will never have to do it again.Another step forward for me!
Well done Jill but what a thoughtless assistance. Is she brain dead why did she think you had returned them.??? I too had to return Brian’s and I was shocked as I found so many more around the house. I never knew he was taking them and now wonder if they had something to do with his death as he had been using Natural Therapy for years and it had kept him alive for years longer than was expected (GP’s words), Seems as soon as they got him on all these drugs he deteriorated. I was hurt, annoyed and disappointed but there was nothing I could do about it, so I try not to dwell now.
Every little thing that we manage to do is a step forward and I write them all down. Things we wouldn’t have given a thought about before.
Love xxx