Oh Jill I’m sorry. I understand totally, especially the shaking taking the tablets to the pharmacy. I’ve still got the tablets in the house, as I’ve not been brave enough yet to remove them. I’ve even got a half packet of Chrisps sitting on a desk, which I can’t yet remove. Removal of everything feels very final, doesn’t it?
Hi Daffy thanks for your reply. You say your motivation is Zero and I understand this. I have just got a big notebook and wrote down all the feelings I am having and writing anything else that comes to mind Also saying I will get better is a positive thing to write down Not sure when this might happen as it seems never ending loneliness. I also put the tv on but it’s all hard to watch all these Love stories about Christmas. Maybe after the festivities are over we can start to accept a more positive attitude. Xx
Hi,Daffy,it was something I had to do.The assistant could have just said thanks.I walked out of there with my head held high and the shaking had stopped.I felt really proud of myself.Another step forward.The next challenge was going into Aldi and seeing people filling their trollies with Christmas goodies.Oh, I will be so relieved when it’s over! x
I’m the opposite daffy. I found he prescence of mums things too painful. Her clothes and shoes were all out of the house the day after she died and I went through her drawers soon after. Getting rid of mums purse was so painful but I don’t have to see it anymore. I just cant bring myself to get rid of mums kent bus pass. It’s funny isnt it. Also I still have her passport.
Jill, I hope you treat yourself to a goodie too! Yesterday, I treated myself to a multi pack of toblerone. We deserve the occasional treat too.
Well done for getting the tablets out of the way. I seem to be doing everything very, very slowly.
No,but I’ve got the cats a toy just to say thank you to them.They have been wonderful.I’ve decided that after Christmas,I shall slowly clear Robs things.Some things I will keep.I need to do this in the event that I sell the place.It has to be done in my own time,I don’t want any pressure x
Hi Pattidott so kind of you to reply I too have decorated in that first year then threw myself into work every waking moment so had no time to think Now after breaking down the grief and loneliness are full on. I will take one day at a time and follow your advice on sorting out cupboards etc it’s just making the effort which I lack. . What is the name of the series on Netflix I seem to have run out of things to watch? Take care of yourself Anne x
The house I’m am living in is full of both my mothers and fathers identity. Thankfully, I’ve got upstairs where it is just my stuff.
(I read somewhere that it is a good idea to wait at least a year if you can before sorting out and giving away a loved ones stuff. Just in case you could regret it later. Clearly, many people just can’t bare to be around their things. I’ve knew one person who had her husbands stuff gone within 24 hours. And another who refused to enter a sitting room for a decades because she could not cope with her husbands empty chair. ) I understand their behavior now better. It caused them emotional pain.
I think I’m going to struggle to throw anything away. Before my Mum passed away, I have been known to cry when throwing away something which is broken because of the memories attached to the item.
Of course, I will slowly get rid of some stuff, but I think it will be major struggle for me. Some of this stuff has been around me since childhood. There are a few objects which I don’t like, but even those I’m reluctant to dispose of yet.
Of course, material objects are not the person and it is the person we mourn. Perhaps, I will make in-roads next week in getting a few little bits sorted.
My brain has not quite accepted that Mum has passed.
The cats a toy does count, as a goodie. I used to love buying our old dog toys.
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My house is weird. Mum’s handbag is sitting by her settee, as if she’s going to still pick it up. Clearly, I’ve got to make a lot of changes at one point and put more stuff away.
I’ve got a very long way to go.
Hi Daffy , I’m not sure why I got an email notification of your post as I hadn’t contributed to this topic or any other for quite a while! I’d like to say though the topic does still fit my mood most days of late so thought I’d respond .
I am sorry for your loss the feelings we have are far beyond anything we might have imagined wether it’s a parent or husband/partner/child , anyone we loved the emotion is the same .
What struck a chord was your comment about the crisp packet, it’s the small things isn’t it that sometimes carry so much with them .
We had been married 53 years and almost without exception everyday my husband would have just one Weetabix for breakfast !
I still have an unopened packet that’s well out of date now that I don’t have the heart to dispose of . He died in July last year .
There is no hurry to get rid of anything if you choose not to.
I know the day will come sometime for disposal of Weetabix 
but it’s not yet and that goes for some of his shirts that I used to love to see him wearing.
Take your time with everything and go on your own feelings , if you think it’s ok to do or not do something then that’s the right thing to do.
Xxx
How strange Sadone that you got the email, but also lovely that you decided to reply.
My mother loved weetabix and ate them every day morning. My mother ate nothing else for breakfast. I’ve got several boxes in a cupboards, as there was an offer at one point
. I normally don’t eat them, so I associate weetabix with her. Thank you once again for replying and I hope life is treating you kindly.
I’ve once again managed to delete a post after writing it.
Anyway, thank you for replying Sadone. How strange you got a notification.
My mother only ate weetabix for breakfast every morning. I strongly associated weetabix with her. I’ve still got several boxes in the house, as there was an offer.
Thank you for your advice.
I hope that life is improving for you after your loss. I know it takes time.
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Good to read these posts, makes me feel better to hear other people’s experiences. Such a sad time for us all…
Hi Nina yes it really is I have just vacuumed all downstairs something to do and physical activity is supposed to help. Nothing does really but we have to try everything Thinking of you all out there from the loneliness of my house God Bless You all Anne
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I have just had my husband’s funeral two weeks ago. I met him when I was 16 and had been with him ever since. I am so lonely without him, everyone tells me to not stay on my own but since the funeral I have hardly seen anyone even my family. Obviously they all think now I have had the funeral that I am fine. I have spoken to a lot of other widows and they still are very lonely even after a few years but there is nowhere to hide.
Hi Jacqui, after only two weeks you are still numb. My husband passed away eight months ago and I still feel that I am in a dream. I keep extraordinarily busy, sorting out roof , guttering, going to the dump, clearing the loft. It’s ridiculous really, but I need to keep busy as when I am left to think I think too much. I don’t cry as much as I used to, but it does grab you at odd moments. I kept being told to be kind to my self but I did not know what that meant. I realise now that it means cry when you want to cry, sleep whenever you can and try to eat well. Whatever you fancy. Visit whoever asks you, it takes baby steps. Christmas is a rotten time of year for those of us who are grieving. So leave when you want to leave, don’t stay anywhere you don’t want to be. I wish you well. Xxx
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Hi Jacqui it is really quite strange how everyone leaves you alone after the funeral. I am in my third year and had a breakdown a few weeks ago due to throwing myself into far too much work and running around after the family. I just wanted to shut everything out and not think so turned to rushing around every minute. I didn’t eat properly and now am paying the price. You need to take care of yourself eat well and take up any offers of going out. It is lonely and a very hard path to climb. I do not know the answer but have spoken to lots of people who do seem to cope well. Find a hobby you need something to interest you Having said that I moped around the house all day yesterday Little steps at a time but do care for yourself. Life goes on but in a different way Is there a friend who is on their own to share an interest with. Take care of yourself we are all here feeling your pain you are not alone in this. X
Hello, Anne,
Contributions to the cost of this forum may be made. It is a lifeline, I still have bad days when I miss my Stan so much it is a physical pain. I do believe that the day we are born, the date of our departure from this world is set.
I hope that you gain the comfort from here, which you so sorely need.
Blessings,
MaryL