Dear After You
I have just read your post and my heart goes out to you. Everything you have written reflects that of my husband and mine’s life together. We had been married for 40 years and known each other for 44. My husband passed away on the 8th November 2017 after being diagnosed with cancer in mid September, which we thought with treatment was curable.
We both retired last Christmas as we have a daughter and grandchildren in America and wanted to spend more time with them. We also have a daughter and two grandchildren in England. I stay with my sister and brother-in-law occasionally, and also my daughter who lives only a few miles away but I find the loneliness even harder to bear when I come home so tend to try to stay at home: I am not sure that helps either. I think every breath I took much have been with my husband: small things like remembering how we both stood pondering over a tube of hand-cream, which now sits at the side of the bed. It seems as though everything I touch has a memory of us being together. I am trying to take a day at a time and I am told that it is early days. My heart feels as though it is breaking and it almost takes my breath away, which leaves me feeling frightened. I am trying to be strong for my daughters and thinking how much my husband would have not wanted me to hurt, but the loss feels overwhelming.
I am trying Tai Chi lessons and meditation twice a week as I read that may help. I look online in hope that there is a glimmer of light and hang onto the love from my family and kindness of friends. When I have read your conversation and the replies I do not feel as alone although sat here typing the house seems very empty.
My heart truly goes out to you and everyone and I pray that we will find a light.
Susan