I just can’t shake the feeling that there’s no purpose in my life anymore.
Despite having lots of friends and family around to spend time with and having hobbies and things to occupy me, I still feel there’s no real purpose in life now.
I try hard to do things to distract me and to make plans for the future but it’s not really working.
I’m fed up with saying ‘I’m not bad’ when people ask me how I am but how many times can you tell everyone that you are thoroughly miserable as a widow. Nothing’s going to change is it?
It’s got much worse this year. I seemed to deal with it better the first year
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I know. I’m going out tomorrow for dinner, Saturday for lunch. Visiting a relative for a few days next week, and a friend for another week in May. Then - nothing. I seem to just look forward to the next diary date, and none of it is even interesting or enjoyable any more.
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Hi @Hope2 I know exactly how you feel. It’s so hard trying to find things to fiil your time when all you want is for your partner’s company. If people ask me how I am I just say I’m ok. How untrue that is. I just feel so sad all of the time. Sending love.x
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I feel exactly the same, like i am just going through the motions each day! Trying my best to be more positive but inside i want to scream!! Makes my heart ache everytime i answer someone with “im ok”
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Me too. I can stay busy but ultimately its all pointless and tiring, just checking off another day.
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I haven’t been out much. When I have, it is not long before I’m thinking he should be there, he should be enjoying the sun, the view, the tea, the cake, etc. It is so unfair that he cannot enjoy all these things anymore.
I long for company and yet there have been moments when I can’t concentrate on what is being said. I feel lonely and just want him back here with me.
It is so lonely, so lacking in interest, comfort and colour.
I know I must do things but I don’t want to do them alone.
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Exactly how I feel. When people ask how I am I can’t help the tears, no matter how hard I try. I cry even when I’m posting on here, its horrible, will the tears ever stop
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Its amazing to think how many of us are out there every day. Broken and struggling but keeping going whether we want to or not.
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Yes there must be so many, all suffering and struggling. But we have to keep going…somehow
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Oh, so much love to you all 
Feel exactly the same about every single post.
Hate saying 'I’m okay ’
When I’m not . But. What else can you say? Especially after 20 months and 1 day.
Lonely all the same. Miss him all the time. No real pleasure in anything.
Someone asked me the other day when did you last laugh?
It was from someone trying to understand, and asked out of concern.
I just said I can’t remember. Because I can’t.
And all I often think is … I miss when my smile was real. And I can’t imagine when it will ever be again.
It is comforting to think that there are literally thousands of us going through the same… So confusing that at the same time that so few in our own circles…
Love hugs and strength to you all
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I know what you mean i went for a walk yesterday with my friend thinking it was going to be nice but as soon as i got there i was desperate to go home. I barely clean the house, it takes too much effort to do things .i also wish people dont ask me how im doing, what i want to say and what i say is 2 different things . One of my best friends told me it would take time when i told her that when i walk into the conservatory i can see him sitting there. That wasnt what i wanted to hear …just dont know what i want
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Makes us realise that we need to be kind to absolutely everyone as we don’t know what they’re going through.
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Yes we must be kind, no more “oh she’s miserable” we just dont know. I think that we’ll never get over this but we will put on a front for others. People just don’t understand unless theyve gone through it themselves.
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This made me think how few widows I know, just one.
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I feel the same but it’s my son I miss not my husband,as his carer I spent more time with him than my husband,I’m trying to study to do something with my life and make him proud knowing all the medical knowledge I picked up from him is getting put to use but I’m full of self doubt, still getting angry and crying all the time and it’s over two years now.i get days where it doesn’t hurt as much but like you all I think of him in everything I do,love to you all
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Sending you hugs x
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Hi @Foodgiver
I think your plans are fantastic. To carry on and give back in your sons memory is lovely.
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You echo my own feelings exactly. My reply to people is ‘coping’ or ‘not bad’ but inside I’m screaming. There is no-one who can replace my hubby and best friend. I’m told the second year is worse because the first year you are in carried along by adrenaline and shock, and usually help and attention. Then the second year reality kicks in and you are just left with the emptiness. I do try to do everything I’ve been recommended such as daily walks, seeing people whenever possible, carrying on with hobbies etc. , but as you say, it feels so pointless. My hubby would be cross with me and I know he would be telling me to carry on as life is precious but it’s so hard finding meaning. Sending hugs to you x
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I understand everything in your message. My gorgeous husband died 6 months ago and tbh the pain of loss has increased as the months have gone by. As you say what’s the point … I can’t see any point at all at the moment in continuing, except my husbands dog, which is and will keep me on track, as he needs me. Very few friends seem to get the pain and the trauma one is going through.
It truly is hell on earth sometimes for us all on this position.
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Definitely the second year is worse,the numbness has gone and now it’s just hurt that’s left,hurt they left,hurt your alone,I miss my son every day and I’m trying to move on for him,in his memory but still sit in his room crying, crying at night when the rest of the family is in bed and spending all my time at the cemetery with him.big hugs
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