I lost my wife last year after she’d battled various health problems for over 20 years. I was her carer all this time. I thought i didn’t think I could feel worse than the day she died, but I am drowning in grief now. I am struggling to cope with everything, and crying most of the day. I’m not suicidal, but the thought of carrying on without her is crushing, I’m not sure there is an answer to this, just wondering if anyone else has experienced this
4 Likes
I lost my wife last April and understand what you are going through. I was also in a very dark place and didn’t see any future but seem to have turned a corner. I’m chatting to another widow on line and that has helped immensely. I didn’t. think I would be so lonely but it was crushing. I’m slowly starting to accept the new existence but it takes time. be gentle on yourself and reach out here and elsewhere. I’ve been astounded by how kind most people actually are. Hang in there. It won’t. ever really go away but it will become less overwhelming with time.
1 Like
Hello Saap I’m so sorry for your loss your not the only one going through what you are your definitely not alone I lost my husband last May and I feel exactly the same way as you it’s been a really bad week just not coping at all I’m at the stage were at the moment I cant even look at his photo it upsets me that much I try to keep busy as much as I can just wish I could see a light at the end of this tunnel I’m stuck in do hope your ok take care
Drowning in grief is a good way to describe it. I lost my husband on Christmas Eve he hadn’t been ill beforehand so it came completely out of the blue. I just talk away to him as if he is still here, I have been told that’s perfectly normal so I know I’m not going mad. Coming onto this site and sharing thoughts and feelings with others who have been through the same is incredibly helpful as we all know what each other has been through. Yes the thought of the rest of my life without my husband, my best friend is the worst feeling in the world.
3 Likes
Hello Jupiter19 so very sorry for your loss that must have been an horrendous shock for you my condolences yes I talk to my husband every day and at first some of the emotions I was going through I thought I was going mad but after coming on this site I realised it’s all part of grieving and everyone is going through the same as coming on here does help you take care
1 Like
Hi I’m almost a year on from loosing my husband after many years of illness and me as his carer. I find keeping busy helps . I went back to work a couple of weeks after keep a routine going. Going out with friends- accept every invite so that your mind is occupied and then tell her about your day when you return.
I still have bad days but am learning to be positive as he would have wanted for me. Grief does not go but you learn to live with it.
3 Likes
Hi Cooki sorry for your loss if I get invited out I do go it’s true it does occupy your mind and I meet up with my grandaughter now and again go out for lunch but it’s always coming back to an empty house that gets me I just hope I can eventually learn to live with the grief life is too short you take care
4 Likes
10 months for me and I still can’t accept it, still think I’m going to wake up and it’s been a nightmare.
I can’t think further than the day ahead (thinking i could possibly spend another 30 years without him is unbearable)
I thought it got more bearable in time but exactly like you it gets worse
4 Likes
Yes, I lost my husband 5 weeks ago after an 18 month battle with cancer. I didn’t think I could feel any sadder but this week, I’m at an all time low and finding the grief just unbearably heavy - the house feels so quiet and the future feels so empty and everything (other than walking the dog and feeding the birds) feels so pointless.
3 Likes
I was thinking everyone always tells us it gets better with time. You learn to live with it, i think we just try to act like we’re better, but internally it doesn’t leave. Thank you all who replied, it does seem there are others, I hope we all find a way to find some sort of peace, I’m going to keep trying.
3 Likes
I have no words of comfort to give as my husband died fairly recently too after 40 years together, since we were 18 years old. My husband died very suddenly and unexpectedly but whichever way they go it’s still unbearably sad and horrible and the you just don’t know the world anymore - like you said everything feels pointless, the future looks so empty it’s the worst feeling ever. Coming onto this site has been a great help to me and I hope it will be for you too as everyone on here has been through the same x
2 Likes
Yes, certainly seems like there are a few of us in this group feeling the same so it’s reassuring to read that I’m not the only one as in everyday life, I feel like a complete outsider, I feel so different to everyone else.
When I read posts here, I can relate to the sadness and struggle that we’re all experiencing.
4 Likes
Hi, I lost my husband 7 weeks ago. I am completely heartbroken and can’t bear to think of life without him. I just take one day at a time even one hour sometimes. I can’t bear to think ahead further than that. My daughter had told me to say yes to every invite which I am doing and yes distraction helps. However I cry all the way home. We had been together for 46 years and I miss him terribly .
5 Likes
Hi Debbie , it is still early days for you. You sound as if you have a supportive daughter and she is right to tell you to go out fill your time. Occupy your mind. It is ok to cry but think of him as if he is in another room and tell him where you have been what you have been doing how you feel as you would have done. It helps me a lot and almost a year on taking one day at a time, life is bearable. I have my bad days but I accept them. Few people know about those, and while grief never leaves it does become bearable. Take care x
1 Like
Hi Therese, still early days and you are doing well. You are still getting up dressed walking the dogs feeding the birds. Be proud of yourself. Don’t think ahead. Take a day at a time. You will learn to live with grief and be able to smile at the memories but that comes later. Talk to him and about him-helps a lot.
Always happy to chat when you have a tough day and we all have those. X
3 Likes
Hi Cooki what a nice way of looking at it by thinking they’ve just gone in the other room gave me a warm feeling looking at it like that, thank you
1 Like
Thank you Cooki for your reassurance. Had a theatre trip planned tomorrow evening and was about to pull out - I’d often rather be on my own feeling like this - but just read your earlier post about accepting invitations with friends so I’m now planning on pushing myself to go.
2 Likes
Read Death is nothing at all by Henry Scott Thomas . It is often read at funerals. My mum always used this as her comfort , she’s now passed , but I find great comfort in it too.
1 Like
Hi Therese, please go it will be an effort and you will want to say no and stay safe at home but push yourself and you will enjoy it once there. Then come home and tell your husband about it and cry. He will be so proud of you. I’d like to hear how it goes too.
It gets easier so that you look forward to things and you don’t cry as much when you get home but enjoy telling him about what you have done. I’m sure he knows anyway and is willing you on to live a different life until you join him.
3 Likes
I so understand the wanting to”stay safe at home” feeling’! I too push myself to accept invitations - went out to lunch with friends yesterday and had to mask up! Grief is horrible and the feeling of a future without husband frightening! Only place(s) I feel reasonably ok is with daughter/sons who are very supportive, but they too grieving for their father and are busy with their lives! However does one cope? xx
2 Likes