I have a lot of compassion and understanding for anyone who wants to or commits suicide, as I have posted before.
Most people who do, don’t want to kill themselves they just can’t bear the life and the pain they live with day in day out.
I don’t understand why there is such a stigma attached. People aren’t being selfish out of choice . They are just desperate with nobody and nowhere to turn.
I think anyone on this site should be able to recognise the desperation felt after a loss.
For some people there is no end to that desperation .
I agree with your post it shows a lot of understanding and compassion.Jx
I think in the despair of the moment … people are trying to escape the terrible feelings they have for whatever reason … I don’t think they really want to be dead for ever. I have felt suicidal myself … it’s the hopelessness, the loneliness, the physical missing my family … but I think it’s the way I feel I want to escape. I couldn’t do that to my elderly parents or grandchildren even though, for now, I can’t bear to play happy families. I hope things change! I do t think mental health services are fit for purpose and I do think men find it harder to access help … just my opinion.
Hi
Like you say life will never be the same again after the loss of your partner or husband. I often feel that I want to crawl in the corner. I live on my own, no family at all just friends. I feel alone most of the time even when I am with friends. I just exost at the moment. I have lost a lot of weight as I dont eat properly, dont sleep, have panick attacks every night. I would just like to go to sleep! I know life goes on but why? I was with my husband 42 years and miss his so very much.
Take care keep messaging it helps! xxx
Hi … I’m sorry you are struggling g so much. I feel the same. I would just love to go to sleep too. I dont sleep much at night … if I do I wake up choking and panicking. It’s awful. I feel exhausted by it all and tired of the battle. I, too, know that life goes on but mine isn’t at the moment … I’m doing the same just existing. I have no motivation and no energy.
We were married 43 years but together 45 years… my husband was such a good man. He didn’t deserve to suffer like he did. He was diagnosed and died all within four weeks. All he was worried about was leaving me on my own… both our sons had died over the last six years. He had three weeks in a horrible hospital ward then six days in the hospice where he received kindness and the best care possible.
Sue you have truly had your share of grief, unyet you have so much compassion for others.
It is a year since I lost my adult daughter and I feel totally devastated. I miss her so much and cannot see the point in anything.
I’m sorry you feel like this too and I sincerely hope you manage to find some peace and purpose again. X
Hi … Thankyou for replying. I’m so sorry you lost your daughter … it’s a terrible terrible thing to go through. It makes you not want to carry on … doesn’t seem much point to life. Losing my husband has been even worse because I had him here to help me through losing our sons. I wish none of us knew what this was like.
Take care and I hope you find a way to a bit of peace too. Love Sue x
My children are the only reason I am still here after suddenly losing my husband a month ago. I have conversations with myself trying to figure out if my deep deep grief is hurting them further and would they be better off without me. It sounds selfish to my own ears but I am feeling so desperately lonely.
Hi … no your children would definitely not be better off without you … they only ever get one mum. I get how you feel … I feel the same. It is so hard but hopefully things will get softer in time. Please don’t forget your children will never stop needing their mum whatever their age.
It’s five months for me … my husband was diagnosed a d died within four weeks. Both our adult sons had died two years and seven years ago so it’s a long lonely road for me.
I feel the same way, i get told your strong cus you are still here, that makes me feel worse, i have been too see the mental health team 5 times in the past 7 months cus of suicide issues and the last one said is it really the mental health team i want i said tell the ambulance people that when they keep taking me to the hospital, the mental health nurse said its because the ambulance crew do not know what else to do
I want to go to sleep and I don’t want to wake up. My husband was killed by another driver under the influence 8 weeks ago. I have lost the will to go on. But I have tremendous guilt for these feelings because we have 3 children, 11, 19, and 22. I don’t want to add to their misery but I can’t stop feeling like this. I’m scared I will always feel this way.
Eight weeks is no time at all Morr, almost every single one of us on this site who has lost a partner feels exactly the same way.
My sweetheart passed away 7 months ago and it’s become harder every day. I’m seeing a therapist and every week I have to report my feelings for the previous week. Each time I put I want to be dead. As a Christian I believe we’ll be together again afterwards so why would I want anything else?
With a lot of support in the last couple of weeks I’m not at the point where I would end my life myself.
The one thing that keeps me and many others going is thinking about what our other half wants for us. I know she is watching over me and wants to experience more life through me. I know she doesn’t want me to be so sad all the time, but that’s much harder to deal with.
I’m on medication and having talk therapy, I have started lots of new activities to socialize but the pain of missing her is ever present. When I go to things where I have enjoyed myself I feel guilty later because I felt good and she wasn’t there. I cried myself to sleep the other night because I’d been too happy during the day.
Stupid right? Not after you lose the most important person in your life. Nothing is stupid, there is no right or wrong. I was told by a bereavement charity it’s at least two years before people even start to feel better, sometimes much longer. I talk to a lady in church who lost her husband 13 years ago, she says it’s still painful to think about it.
The more we love them, I deliberately use that in the present tense, even though the shell they occupied has died we still do love the person they were, so the more we love them the harder it is not being with them. My faith means I will meet her again and in the meantime she is watching me from heaven.
What you must do is reach out and ask for help when you need it. There are plenty of good, caring people out there, don’t try to handle it alone. This is the most devastating thing you’ve ever dealt with and your emotions are going to be all over the place.
Take care, Carl.
Hi Carl. Thank you for such an understanding post. I too find visiting places we used to go to together painful. Not as bad as it was but still not at all good.
I realise, in spite of what anyone says, there is no time limit to grief and no ‘fix all’ that applies to everyone. My God, I wish there were!! I often feel her presence and know she is looking after me and it’s that that gives me the push needed to go on. She would not have wanted me in permanent pain and miserable. It’s all so hard and difficult, and I never dreamed it could be like this.
But, (there is always a ‘but’ isn’t there?), things do improve. Almost imperceptibly and so slowly, but when I look back I realise the light gets brighter and the pain just that little bit less.
I doubt anyone here has not felt guilt at some time. We are human and make mistakes. Perfection is not possible, and we should in no way feel guilt for what we did at the time. Regrets just tend to fester in the mind. We do need to let it all go and focus on the future. Not easy? Don’t I know it!
I have said before, grief can become a habit. We can fall back into the dark hole of despair because, in a strange way, there is some comfort there. We often punish ourselves for what we think we did wrong.
I couldn’t agree more about reaching out and finding help. It’s no sign of weakness to want help at such a traumatic time. We can also be ashamed of our feelings especially when we come upon the ‘pull yourself together’ person. Coming to terms with painful remarks can take time because of our vulnerability.
I wish you well Carl. It is painful and difficult, but as a Christian you will know ‘life everlasting’ is not just an expression but a truth. Take care.
Hello Morr, I’m so sorry to hear that you lost your husband under such terrible circumstances and that you feel like you don’t want to go on. As you will see from other posts, many people do feel like this after losing a loved one. I know that, for most people, that doesn’t mean that they want to harm themselves, but it’s still really important to be able to talk about these feelings.
It looks from your profile as though you are in the USA, so the UK-based support mentioned in this thread might not be helpful to you. I’m afraid I don’t know as much about what services are available in the USA, but I have found this service, which is 24/7 and free - please consider reaching out if you ever need to talk: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
Thank you. I feel like everything is in chaos right now. There are times when I sit still and quiet and try to just stay numb so I don’t think or feel. Then there are times of all consuming pain and panic and heartbreak. But still need to try to function at 4:00 each day for my young daughter. It is an overwhelming existence right now. Cannot imagine myself coming through this.
I feel the same about my les, she was my world, my life, my everything she passed away on 9 March 2019, i miss her so much i just want to be with her, I’ve told everyone fm gp, mental health team, friends and family but I get is u don’t want to die, ur strong cus im still here,
Overwhelming is an apt description, that’s without others to care for, I can’t imagine how hard that is.
The most important thing which I didn’t learn soon enough is ask for help. We all like to think we’re strong and can handle it by ourselves but we can’t. You’re dealing with the trauma of the way you lost your partner and at a young age, it’s totally devastating without those complications. Your Family Practitioner is a good first call, all American hospitals have a pastoral service with chaplains available whenever you need them. I found them very supportive, they can also put you in touch with other organisations. Each state has their own community health departments who can guide you who to contact.
This site is helpful because we’re all dealing with the same thing, you learn your thoughts and feelings aren’t strange when others express theirs, you know you aren’t alone. The best thing is always to be able to talk face to face with someone, bawl your eyes out and release the emotions. It doesn’t cure you but it releases the pressure.
Reach out and ask for help, there are kind, compassionate, supportive people everywhere.
Prayers and good thoughts,
Carl.
I understand that feeling Shazza, I do want to die to be with my partner again. I think everyone who believes in an afterlife feels that way.
I don’t have any problem explaining that to my therapist, doctor or vicar. I believe she’s in heaven and I want to join her. What is wrong is when we end it ourselves, others will suffer grief from our death or guilt that they didn’t do enough to stop us. Do we really want to make anyone else feel as bad as we do?
I also feel my sweetheart is living on in me, she’s in heaven watching all the strange new things I’m doing and laughing at me making a fool of myself. That’s one good thing about having nothing left to lose, you can do anything because you no longer care what people think.
I’m told God still has some use for me alive, I aim to find out what it is.
Take care,
Carl.
For that one Morr, you’d have to be able to define “normal”. There is no such state, we are all different.
It’s normal after losing a partner to have suicidal thoughts or wishing you could die too, it wouldn’t be normal to want to harm others.
Our emotions and feelings are all over the place during grief, normality is gone.
You really need to reach out and talk to someone, visit a church, hospice house or even a hospital, there will be people available who will talk to you for free. Tell them you have just lost your partner and don’t know who to turn to.
Post what you’re feeling in the forum, I would guess you aren’t alone in your thoughts.
Take care now,
Carl.