I appreciate your thanks but I would encourage you to open up. Keeping your feelings and emotions bottled up is harmful to you and others.
If you have sought help from other sources please say so, you can be honest on these forums. All of us are dealing with grief but every single one of us is willing to help a fellow sufferer.
Take care, Carl.
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I am just reeling. I had a very distraught day yesterday. I wanted to be nowhere but with my husband. I’m not going to do anything. I wouldn’t do that to our kids. But right now, I feel like what they are witnessing is me dying slowly of a shattered heart. And I cannot imagine feeling differently.
What you are feeling is very normal, we all feel that way, especially early into the bereavement as you are. It is a little over 7 months since I lost my partner, most of the time I wish I was with her, I can’t imagine how much harder it is with children to care for. They are also dealing with the loss so you need to be there for them too.
You’re going to have days much worse than others, you are on an emotional roller coaster, I still have nights when I cry myself to sleep. There were once two halves making up a whole, now there is just one half left, it’s devastating.
I have forced myself out of my comfort zone of being alone, when you have nothing left to lose you can do anything without worrying what others think. I go to singing groups at the church and have joined a choir, yesterday I went door knocking for the election taking place next month. I am rebuilding my confidence by doing things I wouldn’t have dreamed of a year ago. That too has its downsides, I feel guilty about feeling good. I even asked my therapist if it’s normal to be depressed about feeling good. She told me it is but you have to think about what the person you lost would want for you.
In our hearts we know they want us to be happy or at least not miserable all the time, but it doesn’t stop how we feel. Heart broken is the right word, part of us dies with them. At the same time though part of them lives on in us, I know my sweetheart would laugh at me screwing up the words in choir practice, I can laugh about it too because it no longer matters. I’m getting pleasure from my new activities in the midst of a sea of sorrow. We have to be gentle with ourselves and do what feels right. This week I’ve been on an up, next week who knows?
It’s one day at a time and try to get through it. I didn’t learn right away it’s not something we can handle alone, please don’t make that mistake, reach out and ask for help. It takes a much stronger person to admit they are fragile and needs a helping hand than someone who tries to muddle through by themselves. The really good thing is there are plenty of kind, caring people around when you open up to them. Family and old friends shy away because they don’t know what to say, new acquaintances know your story, so when they ask how are you doing they mean it and genuinely want to know. Two of us on this thread have asked you to tell us more, we may be strangers on a keyboard but we are all dealing with the same thing, when you type your thoughts and feelings it helps you but it also helps other people who haven’t fully expressed what they are dealing with. Keep posting here and reach out to the outside world, you need to do it for your own mental well being and your children. There is no cure for the pain you feel, I’m told in time it will ease, right now it doesn’t feel that way apart from a few bright moments.
I have called crisis lines, I’ve been close to the point of ending my life, I’m on the other side of that for right now, I can’t guarantee it will stay that way, but I’m not ashamed to admit that I’m weak or ask for help when I need it, the woman I loved in life and still love now she’s in heaven would not want me to join her before my time is up, that’s what keeps me going. I am her link to life, she wants to enjoy some more through me. I’m sure your love feels the same way about you watching down from paradise.
Take care and keep visiting this site,
Carl.
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Carl … that is such a kind compassionate response to Morr. I hope she takes comfort from it and reaches out. You are right … it’s very hard… it’s dix months for me and I am just at the point where I know I can’t just cry day and night and do nothing day after day. My husband was my world but he wouldn’t want me to be like this. We also lost both our adult sons seven years and two years ago. I am starting trauma therapy on Friday for it all, today I made myself go out for a walk, today I am reading a book instead of watching mi fleas rubbish tv, today I’m cooking the first proper meal I have cooked for myself. I think it has just dawned on me that no one can do this for me … I have to start somewhere trying to build some sort of life for myself.
You are so kind and I do hope that Morr will post here do we can help. I have been there … I don’t want to live this lonely life either … but we have no choice …maybe together we can find the way that suits each of us and try to live again.
Love to all here. I am a listening ear too Morr for you and for anyone else, Sue x