This will be my first Christmas and new year without him, its so hard, writing cards with his name, wrapping gifts alone, a job we shared. He would always cook the dinner, this year ill do it. My daughter or son may ask me to go there. but i wouldn’t be good company, i think it will be a day of many tears. Ill stay at home with my stepson, who has aspergers cook dinner, open gifts, then he will go to his room and stay there Ill stay downstairs watch tv and probably sob my heart out. I cant and won’t leave my stepson alone on our first Christmas without David , it would not be right. This will be a new normal for us. we cant have what we want, if we could our wish would be to have him back.
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Ronnie 4, its my 1st Christmas without my husband, he passed May this yr 
Ive took the decision when writting my Christmas cards to put them just from me, it was hard knowing what to do. Im having Christmas with our daughter and small family as per every other Christmas, but although i will be there, my hubby, her dad wont be and will be very strange. I try not to think to much as its very upsetting andbi think im still in denial.
Just take the day as it comes and reflect on your memories xxx
That’s exactly what I do. This will be my third Christmas without my wife after 33 years of marriage. I was always the chef and the family usually came to us for Christmas dinner. It will be the same this year, we will have a lovely time together. I’ll be busy all day preparing, cooking and making sure everyone has a good time. It will be difficult once they all go home but I will also no doubt appreciate the calm after having a full house all day. I’m lucky I see my family often as they live local to me. I’m getting used to my new normal but for me keeping busy is a coping strategy. Whatever we all do try and have a good Christmas and make some new yet different memories.
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Lonelygirl1. thank you, i meant to say without his name, but im crying more everday we get nearer to Christmas, he died Feb this year , ive done what hed want, made new friends and gone out with them, laughed and come and cried. but now we’re getting closer to the time he always made special the more i cry so much more. like being back at square one and i guess it wont get better as it will then be the anniversary of his death. i try to think of the good times, but then the flashbacks of the day he died come back, and the guilt that maybe i could have made the drs do more, that i couldnt get him home like he wanted. i failed. I know there was nothing more i could have done, but they tell me that its ptsd as well as grief due to errors made by the hospital his death was traumatic.
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Ronnie 4, last night i had a nightmare where my hubby was involved and it played on my mind all day. I woke up screaming " ive lost him, why dont you help me find him",im not looking forward to going to bed tonight. I too think back, and think could i have been more vocal at the overpriced home my hubby was put into on leaving hospital, but you know, i was there for him constantly dispite him not being at home.I hope hes proud of me. We were together over 30 yrs but married 13yrs when he died, and will be our 14th a few days before Christmas, not sure how ill cope with this one. It just one day at a time xx
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My partner Ann passed away six weeks before Xmas last year and after 30yrs together I was on my own because I don’t have any friends and Ann’s daughter from her first marriage turned against me
I only have a sister who lives over 100 miles away from me and she insisted that I spent Xmas day with her because when Ann passed away I was seriously thinking of ending my life and spent a few weeks in the mental health hospital
On Xmas day my sister cooked a lovely meal but I felt so ill because of being without Ann that I was unable to eat anything although my sister said she understood why I was feeling that way I felt so embarrassed about not being able to eat anything I made my excuses and travelled home
I remember getting home and it felt as if Ann was sitting with me and for the next few weeks I had to accept the help of the mental health team who helped me with the grief of being without Ann over the last year I have learnt to take it a day at a time and I visit Ann’s resting place most days and as stupid as it sounds I feel as if she is listening to me when I tell her about how I’m getting on
My sister has invited me back to hers this Xmas but I have politely refused because I’m worried about a repeat of last Xmas I’m not looking forward to being on my own again this year but I think the worst is behind me and I will just think of it as just another day
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@Leicester_guy i agree xmas now has different memories. its also my 3rd yr without hubby of 48 yrs, but my son lives here and we have the same sort of xmas, the presents, the dinner etc. my pressies are all wrapped, my lights go up this weekend, i have a card for hubby that will stand on his ashes,
when it comes to family howeever, if they cant bother about us during the year there is no way i am bothering with themat xmas, have always been that way.
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My Tina 15.12 23 that Xmas no decks no nothing . Think I’ll be the same this year xx big hole in my hart. The empty house . This year gone so quick time goes quick Wishing you all strength
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I’m still in bed with little motivation to get up. I’m worried that this is becoming a habit. It’s cold and I’m warm under the covers.
Before we’d be up and about, going somewhere and just being in each other’s company. Now it’s so difficult to see a purpose to the day. I know this sounds like self pity but I’ve been through so much ( bereavement and cancer) that I use it as an excuse, rightly or wrongly.
I just wish there was a technique to “geeing me up” to give be me that push to go do something.
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@Peter11
I know how you feel, I went through the same thing once the initial loss had passed. I would stay in bed until very late morning thinking I had no reason to get up. People would ask me what I done all day and I would make things up as it didn’t want them to know I wasn’t really coping.
Eventually I went to see my GP who was amazing. Just talking to him really helped. Initially I resisted medication and he suggested some CBT. Chatting to a trained stranger really helped. Eventually I still had issues with getting decent sleep and I went onto antidepressants for a while which really helped with getting a good deep sleep. After 9 months I was weaned off the meds gradually and at the moment in a much better place.
I know talking therapy is not for everyone but it really helped me. I still have regular 3 monthly or as required catch up with my GP and knowing he is there helps me.
I don’t think there is a technique as such it’s what motivates you. I now get up usually by 830, try and get out of the house even if just nipping to the supermarket. I have been on a couple of solo holidays now, something I never thought I would do, which really are a great tonic.
Sorry for rambling on but everything takes time and we are all different how we deal with our grief.
Take care…
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Thanks for sharing. I lost my husband a month ago. I too feel like i just dont want to get out of bed each morning. Its after 9 most days when i get up as i need to walk the dog but it takes such an effort. I am so slow at everything right now… hope your christmasses are as good as they can be x
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I wouldnt worry about the time your getting up, i normally dont get up till 9-10 and take each day, one at a time xxx
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Have you spoken to your daughter about how you feel? She may already be wondering whether to not do at least some of her usual activities…or even choose to spend the whole day with you…out of choice. She is grieving too. Christmas won’t be easy. I think it’s a case of getting through it. Perhaps after Christmas lunch at your daughters, if she does want to do something else on her own, you could ask to remain on your own in her house? Not so many reminders as your own house. You could watch a film or two or read a book til she returns? Would that help? I hope so. Good luck and take care. Gill
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Anyone else finding their anxiety levels going on overload as we move towards Christmas? I think this will be my first Christmas on my own and I’m finding the thought of it really depressing. I’m already on antidepressants and have a GP appointment on Tuesday to review this, I’m thinking maybe I should mention it to them but don’t want them to think I’m a nut case. xx
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@Victoria22
Hi Victoria you should mention it. The best thing I did to help me was speaking to my doctor. Be totally honest with how you are feeling. The first conversation will be difficult describing how you are feeling, which itself is hard enough, but tell them everything. Talking to someone outside they family can really help and they are in the right place to give proper support. I always felt much better after my chat and the doctor would always arrange a follow up in 3 weeks, or sooner if I needed it. Asking for help isn’t always easy but give it a go…
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Be in no doubt that what you’re feeling is absolutely normal. How could it be any other way? Our lives have been altered and cannot be returned to what they were.
Trouble is that Christmas brings into focus the obligation almost of “ having a good time”, all those social situations, “ putting on a brave face”. Well I don’t want to pretend.
Just try to get through this time of the year as best you can. I’m sure others will know what you’ve gone through and are still feeling. We’re here for you.
Peter
Oh, and the doctor will be aware ( if they’re any good) of all the stresses and strains this time of the years brings. Lean on them
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Thanks, I will speak to my doctor.
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Thanks for your advice, I will speak to my doctor, I also have a 1:1 with my line manager at work on Monday.
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Oh you should mention it to the GP who would never think that they’re very understanding of grief and have to deal with it regularly. And xmas is a terrible time for those of us grieving, this is my second xmas without my and I’m dreading it as much as I did last year, I have no idea if it will always be like, I’m guessing it will.
Wishing everyone all the best for this xmas and we will all get through it in our own way xxxx
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Thank you xx
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