I be just come back from helping out at a 25 wedding anniversary which I thought would be a good distraction. Didn’t join in but spent most of my time doing jobs in the kitchen.
I’ve never felt so lonely. Couple’s dancing, having fun when all I could think of was Bridget not being there. Being a couple is great because you can keep together, talk to others and come back together. There’s a security to it. There’s a comfort knowing they’re there.
And someone said this evening that now I’ve got to rebuild my life. How do i do that when all I’ve ever wanted was her. How do you even think of a future without them?
Peter 11, i have the same thoughts, how can you see yourself with anyone else, when your other half was your life. Some days i think, you need someone to talk to, but then that feeling creeps in, cant disrespect his memory i was tv programmes like First Date and think id like to do that, but when push comes to shove, i dont think i could. Sad really as im sure my late husband wouldnt want me to be unhappy
im must be weird cause after 48yrs of marriageand the 3rd xmas without him, i am used to it and looking forward to xmas just me and my son. we dont miss family get togethrers as we never did them and as hubby was house bound for the last 10 yrs we never went out. its just another day. my pressies arewrapped, my lights go up this week. i am too set in my ways to bother with anyone else
I would feel the same so I would politely decline large gatherings, especially if it as mostly couples, would be too difficult, maybe in time I would have the courage but not now, I stick with a few close friends and family, I am more comfortable with that right now and maybe always , at least you had the courage to go, and did helpful things to avoid too much hurt when there are couples there, I am a coward I would politely decline xxx
This is my second xmas without him and its just as hard as the first one for me, though I will send cards this year, last year I just couldn’t write cards and leave out his name and people understood that, but I can’t do that forever its just not me. But we are all individuals and do things differently, your way is good for you and is not weird at all, I imagine there are many others feeling just the same xxx
My partner Ann passed away six weeks before Xmas last year and the week before she went into hospital she got all the Xmas decorations out of the loft ready to put up she loved getting the house ready for Xmas day but because of how ill she became no decorations were put up and a week after Ann passed away I gathered up all the decorations and gave them to the cat’s protection charity shop I can’t bear to even think about celebrating Xmas anymore I’ll just treat it as just another day my life has never been the same and never will be since Ann and away
@Boo2
It will be my third Christmas without my wife and I know just how you feel. The first Christmas the family all went on holiday as we decided to get away would be good. I was relieved as I really didn’t want to be in the house without her. Last year and this year I am now of the mind that she really loved Christmas and all the buildup for our grandchildren. So in memory of her I now I put the tree up with the help of the grandchildren. We have fun talking about the tree decorations which all have memories as every year we would buy a new one.
Hopefully in time you will be able to do something in Ann’s memory. Life is not the same but we have to try and live our new life, I keep saying to myself what would my wife want and I know she would want me to celebrate Christmas as we always did with the family. Wishing you all the very best.
Yes last year I made an effort because it was the second xmas without my husband (he died Nov 2022). This year is tougher as it is two years two weeks ago since he died. And I am two years older so it is tougher physically to do stuff.
I get less help than before.
I just about get the minimum done I have to let alone the maximum.
Motivation is the issue.
My Tina 15.12.23 passed .the time we had together 20years was the best .how I got through this year who Noe’s speak to to Tina every day telling how I’m doing what iv done x no answer .send pictures and messsges face book hopping she can see. Did put tree up yesterday was hard kept going over when we did it together then a glass of wine and say another year. Wishing everyone strength and comfort at this time of year stay strong .i am trying
My David 8 February 24, the 28 years we had together were the happiest of my life, decorating has been hard with tears all the time. We did decorating together, it took no time, or seemed to, this year its been a little everyday, talking to him and crying all the time. I seem to be showing or feeling my age more without him. I will do a new version if Christmas, a new version, as nothing will ever be the same again.
My thoughts are with you all, all we can do is keep talking and keeping going as they would want us to.
Spoke to both my line manager and my GP and both were really nice to me. My GP has increased my dosage of antidepressants and I have a follow up appointment in January. Thank you everyone for your support xx
I want to give my hope that we’ll all get through this Christmas season as best we can. Lean on each other as soon as the heartache starts. I’ll be here doing the best I can.
In many ways I feel I’ve been punished enough over the last 10 years ( dementia, care home, hospital, Bridget dying in 2023) and I need some form of royal pardon to say you’ve done your time. If only it was that easy. Regrets, guilt, self condemnation, it goes on.
Anyway, I think of you all regularly and wish you peace.
Hi this is my third Xmas and already feeling overwhelmed, it gradually comes on with all the hype and phoney pointless rituals which I never noticed before !! I can never seem to make sense of all the conflicting emotions this season invokes and feel the need to keep quiet and calm just to survive it yet I’m dragged into the family arrangements, I feign interest and excitement to appease the family but feel hollow inside and now it doesn’t really matter to anyone else but me and neither should it , I hold precious my memories and wounded soul yearning for my soulmate wanting to yell ‘none of this matters’ and just sit, but hey ho, defeated I’ll plod on !! thinking of everyone else struggling through Xmas x
This is my second Christmas without my husband. Last year I seemed to find some strength to put up decorations, buy a tree, send cards. I think I was motivated to do all this in my husbands honour
This year I can’t seem to find that energy or focus.
It will be my first Christmas alone, just with my beloved Cavapoo dog, my saviour.
I just can’t face trying to be jovial around others. But I’m finding it hard to admit that I’m a little scared of being alone.
For everyone who has spent their first Christmas alone, or are facing that this year, you are so courageous. I hope I make it through too.
Memories keep me going at the moment . Tina was taken 15.12.23 that year Xmas did not exist.did not want to put tree up this year . See all lights going up on street witch me a tina did our house . So put tree up day before yesterday it was hard .things we bought together can here Tina say put the tree decks round the tree an not the side you see put smile on my face but with tears It’s up and I feel glad inside hope tina can see wishing you all strength and comfort with hard times this month brings xxx
Hi Martin2, i lost my hubby May this yr, but really lost him 18months ago, he was here in body but the dementia was awful. This yr i havent put our tree up, although our daughter said " dad would love the tree up" but ive said no but ill get all the different nutcrackers we brought over the yrs, which he loved, but just couldnt face the tree. I hope you can find some piece over this period and try start the new yr positively xx
I never bother to put the tree up early anyway. I take it down on twelve night.
I can’t see the point doing it early.
It isn’t Christmas yet.
I haven’t cleared the decks yet.
this is my 3rd withoud hubby, he died easter 2022. i found the first six months were the worst, since then its got easy. i miss him yes, but nothing will change what happened and life is different now. my pressies are wrapped, tree goes up tomorrow and unless i hear the song halleluah by pentanox i dont cry about him any more. i have a xmas card for him thst will stand on his ashes. me and son talk about him but we dont get upset about it now. we had 48 yrs together, he was housebound and had been ill for a while although it was sepsis that killed him. i love xmas and the lead up to it even now
