@SueF1
It’s very true that time does heal although when I first lost my wife I thought I would always feel so low. Like you my third year is fast approaching. It took me nearer 9 months to finally accept my new life. I don’t cry now either like I used to. At first I felt guilty for not crying but something just clicked and I seemed to accept things better. We all talk about my wife, their mum/nana, friend now without getting upset, there are a couple of triggers that would set me off but in the main I’m in a better place. I still miss her, every day I think about her but now I think about the good times we had.
Christmas is fast approaching and we will all have a lovely time I’m sure, grandchildren are getting so excited. I would just say, take things slowly you will know when you are ready. Merry Christmas everyone…
@Leicester_guy exactly, i dont get the yrs of greiving that some people seem to do, no sense to it. you cant change anything that happened, its over, you have to move on. like you we talk about dave, moan about him, stil, nthink about him all the time. like yestersay, we have a fox thats got pretty tame and comes iun everyday at 3.30 for her dinner, and we said dave would have loved to see her.i dont do families at xmas but me and son will be fine. happy xmas to you
I’m spending Christmas alone this year, my children made me visit them and my grandchildren last year but they all live in different parts of the country. I’ve decided to stay home with my little westie this year as I’ve got no strength to drive 3 hours to visit them. Im on chemotherapy mysrlf, and it’s weekly so i have little motivation or interest in trying to be jolly.
Well my cat died three weeks ago. She was my only company. I wasnt coping very well with caring for her because she was obviously declining and had some disabilities. I had a lot of of her mess to clear up. I knew if was coming but feel guilty I couldn’t neet her needs very well.
Just like I did with my husband.
Grateful in a way I had two years of her company.
Cat rescue centre’s are absolutely full so you need to go and adopt a little fur baby the only thing that keeps me going is my fur baby Rosie she’s the only company I have
Its sad when we loose a pet., dont rush into getting a new one, take your time and make sure its what you want. I have a little dog but I know if anything happened to him, I wouldn’t replace him as if I want to do anything last minute its difficult arranging someone to care for him.
Yes it is a bit like losing my husband. I couldnt just replace her. I have lost other cats and always waited. Sometimes it has been a stray adopted me either abandoned or a lost old cat I felt sorry for.
My son’s dog is a handful and i couldn’t cope with it and got pulled over luckily on the grass. I would like to borrow a softy dog whom is no trouble…
Hope you all had the best Christmas you could have. under the circumstances. This my first without David i waited for my kids to ask me to their’s. They didnt, so i said i needed to spend my first christmas at home and with his autistic son, who had already said hed spend the day in his room, and he couldnt understand why my kids hadnt asked me. So xmas eve i made the trifle. prepared all the veg and went to church as i needed to see some friendly faces. Xmas day i cooked and sat watching tv, just got a text from daughter saying merry christmas, nothing else no are you ok mum. My son messaged thanks for presents , and theyd facetime when they were home , that is back at his girlfriends. Hed gone to her in Dublin with his kids, his girlftiend said i could have gone but that she was told i said i had to be home. I said that as no one asked me, and i needed to prepare and shop, i had asked my kids if they had plan’s what were they going to do, gave them chance to ask me, so i planned for me because i didnt want to feel rejected. So xmas day meal was ok, not as good as when David cooked it, but his come ate downstairs, handed out oresents to.open just like we used to, we set David place at his table, smiled and tried to make best if it, then he went back to his room. my day didnt feel right, nothing does. Later in the evening , i got my facetime , but not for long as they had to get up early to fly home, it was a token effort. My daughter put photos if her xmas day, dinner with some if her kids and her friends mum and kids, bit thoughtless, really made me feel rejected. Boxing day , pics on again of her and kids with meal at granddaughter’s , not asked if id like to go, then at night more pics of daughter son and kids night out at pub. Ive not heard from my kids apart from the token messages. im totally alone, they dont care . This year ive realised that, i dont to live like this, my life has no meaning without David and when it feels like my kids have rejected me, what is the point, i have no one, i may as well not be here. I know I wont do anything stupid, but i exist and it has no meaning anymore.
Ronnie4
So sorry to hear about your Xmas cannot understand why they treated you like that I know just how you must feel I lost my partner Ann two weeks before Xmas last year and because I had no friends or family to help me grief I did try to join my partner and spent two weeks in the mental health hospital and even now I still don’t know why I’m still here
One thing I would tell you is to ask for grief counselling it really helps to have someone to talk to about how you are struggling and believe me it takes time but it does start to make sense and things do get better you just need to take it a day at a time
Take care and look after yourself
ronnie4, I do hear you. I am feeling nothing holds any meaning and everything is pointless since my beloved Pete died five weeks ago. I can only answer personally, but I think family know less how to support us sometimes than friends/strangers/others. I have decided somehow to tell loved ones’ what they want to hear while accepting to myself I am irrevocably changed by my loss and grief and that I own that, it is mine, because I loved/love. I start counselling in the new year and I agree with Boo2 it might help to have someone to talk to. I trained as a mental health nurse and wish I could employ the support I extended to people professionally but I can’t. No man or woman is an island’ but pull up the draw bridge when you need to’
i wouldnt worry too much, families couldnt give a monkeys once someone has died. none of mine have ever asked how i am or how i am coping on my own since dave died easter 22. they get anoyed if you dont care about whats goiing on in their lives. i have 2 great grandkids thsat were born after he died and i have never seen them, dont even know their names. i got a belated happy xmas off one, after friending me again after bliocking me for 3 minths cause i gave her a piece of my mind. if i had the money to move i would go somewhere that no one knew where i was and would cut all ties with the lot of them.
dont know why i feel so bad, my David has been gone 10 months , and ive got through his birthday, our anniversary and my birthday with lots of tears . id made new friends by going to craft club and church, theyve all been great, took me out so i wasnt on my own. i thought i was making progress, but then December came shopping and wrapping we things we did together, and doing it alone triggered it I think. Ill see about seeing gp after the holidays [quote=“Boo2, post:71, topic:94926, full:true”]
Ronnie4
So sorry to hear about your Xmas cannot understand why they treated you like that I know just how you must feel I lost my partner Ann two weeks before Xmas last year and because I had no friends or family to help me grief I did try to join my partner and spent two weeks in the mental health hospital and even now I still don’t know why I’m still here
One thing I would tell you is to ask for grief counselling it really helps to have someone to talk to about how you are struggling and believe me it takes time but it does start to make sense and things do get better you just need to take it a day at a time
Take care and look after yourself
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My kids all did their own thing christmas day as have young children. They facetimed me whilst opening presents and later on during the day. I spent christmas eve at my daughters, but wasnt invited for christmas lunch as she wanted this year with just her and the 4 kid’s which I was happy about. My other 2 live 3 hours away so not an option as I needed to be home for my bloods and chemotherapy. Next year, I will either book to go away or drive to my sons for a few days as always welcome at his with my dog I do tend to stay longwr as my daughter lives only 1.5 hours drive from him.
I’m glad they all decided to do christmas their own way, yes it was lonley but I dont want them to feel they have to invite me and stop them visiting other relatives or friends.
I know what you mean I feel same I don’t want my family to feel they have to include me out of duty, I never ever want to be a burden in that way. I say to myself Im on my own most days through the year so I can do it at xmas& new year too, but I have not done it yet (this is my 2nd xmas without my husband) so I really have no idea how it would feel, its ok to be brave when you have not faced a situation yourself! What I can say is this 2nd year was even harder than the first, I don’t know why but it was.
Take care everyone and most of all look after yourselves xxx
It helped reading that other people are in the same boat as me. I remember there has Lways been problems with Christmas.
Even hears ago when everyone was alive.
Guess because Christmas has never been all it was supposed to be cracked up to be for me not such a come down.
In childhood my parents were not the best merrimakers bickering.
When i left home i therefore bever bothered about them as they had tajen thrmselves kff on holiday anyway.
Good so djd I. Then I got married and had to have in-law with us as my husband just went with the flow. Well no choice as my mother webt to mh married brothers. My father was left alone but he was suchba misery abd pooper of Christmas didn’t get invited because nothing in common. Kids came along and that was nice when they were young. But