I’m beginning the first anniversary of my husband Alan’s passing. Skne if you know we celebrated our 50th wedding anniversary at the end of March last year zndxexzxylh 2 months to the date I was attending his funeral. He’d never had a days illness in all the years we’d been together. And to be told 38 hours before he passed away that further tests revealed a malignancy, I had to put a brave face on and keep the hardest secret from him.
This tone last year was his last Saturday in our home, tomorrow he spent his last Sunday at home, Monday will be the first anniversary of his last Msy Bank holiday, last year, 7th May he left our home for the last time when he was admitted to hospital. I spent the next 11 days at his hospital bedside staying with him for 12 hours every single day, skne days stating all night… from the 7th May up until 30th May, the days of his funeral I know izzy going to be the hardest time for me. Up until now, it’s been a mix of w weeks, 8 weeks, 5 months, etc . Now 12 months is here.
It’s been the longest and hardest 12 months of my life, the emptiness and loneliness I feel I cannot put into words.
I’m not angry with him for leaving me, I had to let him go, I loved him too much to keep him here, he was a very poorly man and I didn’t want him to suffer, it doesn’t make it any easier and there’s not been a single day where I’ve not shed a tear. Most days I cry buckets, some days it resembles a tsunami.
People tell me it doesn’t go easy but gets easier to live with. It’s a living hell. I wont lie about it. I’ve never known such sadness, such grief and it’s awful.
Of it wasn’t for Ada my pug, my salvation I wouldn’t even get up in a morning . I’d stay in bed all day every day waiting to leave this earth plane. I know Alan would be very upset to see me in such a state, sobi have to be strong, have to be brave, and have to face the world as best as I can.
Blessings everyone, this road we travel is the toughest journey we can ever make.