Hello everyone
I lost my husband ,Martin ,to MND in May this year.
As a family ,we have always been good at celebrating .Christmas has always been special to us all .We have always cooked and made home made decorations and gifts.From large driftwood Christmas trees to some quite revolting cocktails .Martin embraced it all and said “well that was bloody lovely”
This year will be our first Christmas without Martin in 35 years.
Our sons ,daughter in law,dog and cats will have several days together.
We just can’t imagine how to do Christmas.Things like how do we face the memories attached to our Christmas tree decorations ,our past Christmasses.?Would new traditions help?
Advice on what helped you get through or even what didn’t would be so helpful ,if you are able to share.
Thank you .Take care everyone
Kim X
Hello,
like you this will be my first Christmas without my lovely husband.
We didn’t do a great deal for Christmas but s you can understand it will be very difficult.
I too would like advice.
Thinkin of you and your family xxx
This will be my first christmas without mine too so i understand how difficult it will be for you.
i’d say make a new tradition of you can something that honours him? but gives you comfort dont be scared too continue and do things without him just think that if he enjoyed it and its something you did together he will be proud your continuing om
if you had traditions like me and my partmer used too always go for a walk around a local park christmas day morning after breakfast so i’m going too keep on doing that
I know its hard but find things that give you comfort thats what i’m going to do because my partner liked christmas and wouldnt want me to be sad…
i’m going too buy myself a gift from my partner so i have something too open from him this year
another idea i had which might be nice for anyone who is having a first christmas without a loved one:
I bought a nice box with penguins on (my partner liked penguin) and i have asked friends and loved ones too write some Happy memories down i’ll add some as well and i am going too put them in the box and put it under the tree so that he has a present under the tree and go through on christmas day or boxing day and remember the happy times and maybe have a laugh
they also do missing you/thinking of you cards mostly for people that are in seperate places but i bought one too put on my mantlepiece so he has a card
its not an easy one and everyone will have their own ideas how to do things you just have to go with what works for you
Sending love…
Thank you so much for sharing.
I love your ideas and they sound like they will bring you positivity and comfort.
Plus they are such great conversation starters and that’s very much what’s needed for us all and our loved ones
Kim X
Thankyou it was just me and him though i had my family we used to spend most christmas days alone and i dont want too not do christmas because it meant so much too him so decided its best too include him because if i do that it will make it a bit easier too get through…
I thought the memory one would be nice because it gibes you something too smile about and remember them in a good way -
i advise you talk too your kids come up with a plan make it something you enjoy
make the home made decorations maybe make something that he liked (like i said my partner liked penguins so i’d make a penguin)
make him a gift for under your tree something that can be a keepsake forever make the cocktails and laugh at how disgusting they are talk too him…
this christmas will be hard but Include him dont leave him out just because he’s not there in person doesnt mean he wont be there in spirit…
Thank you for your positive ideas. My husband wouldn’t want me to be sad either. It is also my first Christmas. I will try to find things that I know he would enjoy. 
It’s my first Christmas without my wife, we always used to go on holiday for Christmas usually cruises, I had booked time off as well to go away this Christmas, I don’t think I can cope with sitting in the house for 21 days without her there, so I’ve decided to go on a little Cruise before Christmas it will be a Christmas market one in Belgium and Amsterdam, it’s the same itinerary as the last one my wife and I ever did, most cruise companies have a very good solo traveler meet and get together party, honestly I’m terrified of going on my own but I need to find out if I can holiday without her. I hope whatever you do over this Christmas you find something that can make you happy or at least not unhappy and sad.
So I lost my partner of 28years a few months ago and my Dad on Christmas Day a couple of years ago.
The last two years have been tough but I’ve got through the day.
This year I’ve decided I’m putting the tree up (because he loved it, and for our boys )
I’m not going to stress about dinner etc and am going to order a takeaway from a lovely restaurant to heat up on the day. (Unless someone offers to cook)
I’ve no doubt that the day will be tough but I’ll get through it for the sake of our boys. I don’t want to forever think of Christmas as being a horrible day, but more a special day when we are all together to remember our loved ones 
Thank you everyone for sharing ,it means a lot.
For all of us, Christmas will be very different now ,thats for sure
.It seems to me that if we have faith in our own strength and our skills ,embrace our quirks and imaginative ideas for coping.We can include our dear partners and yes, do Christmas
X
Last year i did things slightly differently and spent it with family at theirs but looking back, i shouldn’t have, it was so emotional. This year I’ve said i am staying home with two of my grown up children but i have the option to go somewhere if i choose to.
Just go with the flow and go with what feels right. You’ll know when you know x
My kids and I have had a chat about how we’re spending our first Christmas without my husband, their dad. He adored Christmas!
They very much want our same traditions as much as possible, We’re staying at home, just the 3 of us so that we can relax , cry and laugh!
I’m going to get a bauble (i collect them and buy a new one every year), that is in memory of M, a special one .
If the kids want to do anything else that means something to them, then we absolutely will.
Xx
It will be my second Christmas without Stephen this year. last year I kept it simple, just my mum, sister, and myself. We had some of his favourite foods, played some board games, lit candles. I introduced my mum and sister to our favourite films that we watched over Christmas, including Baraka. It was so simple and was a nice way to include him xx
I really like your ideas. It’s my first Christmas without Darren. He was a big Christmas person buying presents for everyone that was important to him really thinking about what they would like. I was a bah humbug in December struggling with the whole celebration due to my past experiences and the loss of other loved ones. This year i am trying to think out of the box, i have already start shopping. I hope he is pleased with me trying so hard.
My thoughts are with you @littlewitch and I am sure Darren will be pleased with whatever you have planned. Whilst I felt it was important to do things to ‘include’ Stephen last Xmas , I also knew that I was not going to try to replicate fully the Christmas’s used to have with him. Do take care and be kind to yourself x
Thank you. It was my mother in laws birthday yesterday, we are going for a meal tomorrow. Its difficult as i don’t feel i can write her a birthday card without Darrens name in it.
I lost my husband of 53years to mnd 18 months ago and i was dreading Christmas, as it had always been a special happy time.
On Christmas morning, my daughter and son in law went to the beachfor a walk and where we have a seat. It was sad but also felt as though he was part of the day.
We then went to my other daughters for the day. We had a lovely time making new memories but talked, laughed and cried together. We had his favorite dessert.
A sad but surprisingly happy one as well.
Hope that helps
It was hard
Like so many of you this will be our first Christmas apart in fifty plus years. Wish you all well. I can’t even plan at all without more tears. Know my familwill be lovely but don’t know how I will cope. Expect I will as lots of grandchildren to be brave for. 
x
Thank you ,that’s so lovely to hear and a big help.
We are so lucky to have our loved ones to share new and old memories and traditions
Kim X
Thank you.Wishing you the best time possible with your family x
If ,unlike me, you want to celebrate Xmas, make it completely different from what you normally do!
For me its a walk in the hills with the dogs, a pint in a country pub, and back home for an indian banquet and a bottle of ouzo.