There is no advice or answer to this question other than to do only what you are capable of doing when the time comes. Grief doesn’t follow plans it sabatoges your emotions and that can happen only when it happens. Christmas for most does require planning though so just make sure you have a safe space to retreat to when you need it
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This will be my first Christmas also without my husband and I think I can only get through it if I do things differently - make new traditions. My Mum stays with me because she is partially sighted and 91; that can’t change but we’re going to my daughters on Christmas Day and out for lunch (the 2 of us) on Boxing Day. I think we’ll open presents at a different time too.
I’m also hosting a family meal between Christmas and New Year which my husband wasn’t keen on because he couldn’t cope with all the noise and people.
I’ve no idea if this will work, but time will tell.
Thinking of you all (and watch out for the John lewis advert - it’s a tear-jerker!),
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I have just watched that JL advert, heartbreaking, no other word for it, cried and cried. Now I’ve recovered a little I have to wonder what on earth JL were thinking about to put out something like that when so many people will be struggling with loss especially at Christmas time. OK it advertises a charity but at the expense of further agony to those of us suffering the loss of our partner.
It’s been over 2 yrs since I lost my husband of almost 52 years and the heartbreak is still there so vividly and this time of year os the worst especially as it 's our wedding anniversary the week before. I do hope you find some comfort this first year especially and I hope your family is a great support to you. Take care.
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The small tree has been ordered. It’s in a pot and can be planted out afterwards. Decorations and lights have come, I got the inspiration from this forum to do this
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Haven’t seen, won’t watch it, thanks for the heads up
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Yet another difficult weekend. I am still having bad memories from our early days together we were teenagers and so it wasnt plain sailing until we were in our early twenties and with 3 children. From then on we grew stronger and stronger refusing to give up on our relationship when there were difficulties. Why, why, why am i seeing bad memories. Its been 37 weeks since Darren passed i just want to try to focus on the good times. I plan to make memory books with my grandchildren. My granddaughter is 7 and has been struggling hopefully over the Christmas period we can get together and create something special so that when the bad thoughts are there i can get the books out amd look at positive times. If anyone else can relate to this and have found a way of stopping the thoughts and feelings please send me details.
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Hi @littlewitch . I know this problem well, been there, got the tee shirt as they say. The solution for me has been a proper therapy course of mindfulness, where we learn to control all of these unwanted thoughts. I’ll send you a link for my therapist, who will help you. She does it on zoom, and will give you a free 30 minute consultation so you can learn if it’s suitable for you.
I can’t believe the change which has happened with me
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Thank you that would be much appreciated. I will try anything 3ease the extra pain.
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That all sounds really positive Jenny so good to hear
X
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Hello Fish2 I think your plans to do things differently this Christmas sound good.They sound like gentle changes but they very much include your loved ones, so that you can offer but also receive support.
Myself and our family are very much thinking along the same lines.
Thanks for sharing
Kim X
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