It’s so hard my heart goes out to you. My husband passed away just before Christmas 2019. This feels like the first Christmas without him as we had the excitement of the build up in 2019. I didn’t feel like putting decorations up this year, but he loved Christmas we called him Mr Christmas so I did it for him. I started writing poems, putting my feelings down on paper. I also still have his phone, not connected to a number anymore but still on WiFi so I WhatsApp him everyday with thoughts, photos, things happening in the family. I’ve definitely retreated into myself, lockdown the perfect excuse not to go out but I still have my elderly Mum & Father-in-law that I keep an eye on, so a sense of purpose there keeps me going. Can’t visualise my future though, we took early retirement & should have been moving to Spain last year so my life well & truly turned on it’s head. I can only say to you don’t be too hard on yourself, don’t expect too much from yourself. Take care x
I have started doing some diamond picture work which keeps me occupied have done a tiger, elephant 
and now doing a peacock, I now spread my housework over the week, having people to talk to that have gone through the same thing does help as I know I am not alone
I know exactly how you feel. Big hugs. X
You are very welcome
Take care & remember I’m always happy to chat
Thank you, the hardest part is not getting proper answers as to how or why it happened, it was a week after surviving a 10 and half hour operation, he was talking to us and joking with the nurses they then decided to put him on a dialasis machine and we don’t know why as the post mortem show there was nothing wrong with his kidneys, even the surgeon said his death was sudden and unexpected as he was looking to move him back to the ward, we are not taking this lying down we have decided to take this further
You are very welcome. We are not alone… so many of us here in the same boat
Take care
Hi Christina I lost my partner of 17 years on Dec 7th only 6 weeks ago I woke up got up thinking he was at work to find him on the sofa a brain bleed which have now found out also he could have been saved had the doctor took time to take a good look at his scan which he didn’t he woukd have been 47 the Monday after he died to young, soChristmas was hell & more so Boxing Day for me as he was so looking forward to having the nxt day off as it would have bin a family thing, so now come into the new year feeling empty sad alone although I have a big family who are amazing just carnt be around thm crying all the time as thy are upset as me I just don’t no wot to do I try carry on through the day but going home to empty house at teatime in unbearable so just taking it a day at a time min by min for now but reading about you & other people going through the same & no we’re not alone & will eventually learn to live our new lives best we can take care xxx😢
Thinking of you zico my partner also died from a bleed on the brain after being moved to a ward after spending 7 weeks in intensive care from a cancer operation which he had recovered from and was ready to start rehabilitation. I am finding it so hard to deal with the fact he beat cancer and died from the bleed. How can life be so cruel. Sending you hugs
I know it’s so hard especially when you are not getting answers, ask for his medical records as it will show everything on there like if they suspected a bleed and what they done about it and if still not happy write to PALS
Yeah already on that that did a scan a missed it & the pathology lab found it to be missed so it’s already being delt with just makes it even more traumatic thn it already is how can these things happens as you say you no how am feeling as your going through the same & same as you my pete had a blood clot 10 years ago which was also nearly missed had it not been for me insisting on a second oppion & he lived through that only for this to happen so not fair xx💔
Am sorry I sound really sorry for myself as we’re all going through the same thing so just needed to vent sending love xx
Hello, I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my hubby suddenly in August last year. He was the love of my life, my soul mate. I am currently having counselling once a week. I have now found a counsellor I relate to. It is helping. You have to be comfy with the counsellor though, the first one I had didn’t help at all as I didn’t gel with them. I would certainly give it a go with an open mind. Good luck
Hi Iv thought about counselling but I found that going out for a very long walk with family members or a really close friend & talking with them has helped me & Iv started spending my alone time doing my crying whn I come home into my house & just by myself I feel a lot of anger & real deep sadness whn am alone as am sure that’s how everybody else feels like yourself going through the same thing I tried counselling before for other things didn’t really help me but we are all coping in our own different ways & thankyou for your reply take care xx💔
Hi, I don’t have any family now. My hubby and I moved to Wiltshire 6 yrs ago and our friends live in Berkshire. So with the lick down I am unable to see them. They used to keep in touch by phone but that has dwindled away. Whenever I call them they were just about to do something and can never stay on the phone to chat. I think it’s because people feel awkward and don’t know what to say. I’m hoping it’s because of that anyway. So I desperately needed someone to speak with that’s why I turned to counselling… I do go out for walks to get out of the 4 walls. Its a very difficult time with the covid as there are no coffee morning groups to attend or things like that where you could get conversation with others.
Oh am so sorry for you I didn’t realise that must really tuff for not having any one close by to talk to & I think your so called friends who are busy when you call thm not really very good friends that’s the thing when family live away from you, carnt you call thm on the phone my family are all close by although I still like time out in my own & this lock down again doesn’t help it just isolates you even more & the fact we’ve lost our lives really as well, well our lives as there were it’s just so difficult isn’t it what about a dog we had a black lab called zico he died last year jan 26th he was 15 so now Iv lost my pete & my dog 
my family say about getting another one, I take my daughters out for walks that’s a way off chatting to other dog walkers 2 meters apart of corse, & now you have this page to message on xxx
Hi Zico
My mom always used to say you find out who true fiends are in your time of need and she was so right. I do call my friends on the phone, but they are always busy or about to do something when I call. I always say, well please call me when you have a spare 5 minutes, they say they will, but they don’t. As I say I don’t have any family left. No aunts uncles cousins etc. My counsellor is a help when she calls. I have contemplated a dog. It’s nice you can walk your family’s dogs it gets you out and they’re company. I’m so glad I’ve found this community. X
Yes you sure do I can’t believe thr are people who are out there that do that to a friend or anybody specially whn you need people around you at times like this I can Imagine how awful it must be having no one my family is quite large so thy all really round me but thy have there lives as well busy lives which I also had with my pete my dog my job never ever thought this could happen to me as he was 10years younger thn me also just doesn’t seem fair or rite but am slowly trying to get it together & I carnt just sit around it drives me mad, so like me try to keep active & go for walks & think about a dog I have a lot of friends who are not in relationships or have lost loved ones & thy have dogs & thy are great company & pleased to see you & keep you busy thn you won’t need your so called friends & maybe whn this is over, which I just want this year out the way myself you could make new friends join a group if thrs any nearby which you mite be interested in am thinking maybe a new job as Iv bin at mine 26 years & am not happy thr so am trying to rethink my life x
Hello all
I find friends don’t text or call unless I do it first
So I can’t be bothered with them
When Andy passed on December the 5th
Text and calls everyday but now it me that’s texts
Found some family members like that to
Xx
My pete was December 7th & I feel awful for you all, I wouldn’t call myself lucky by any means but we’re support is concerned I am my family & friends are so amazing I don’t no wot I would have done with out thm so I send you all love & support & stay strong as you as you possibly can & just keep sending posts on here if it helps 
Xxx
Hi Debbie, yes it’s hurtful as my friendships are all 20+ years long friendships. It makes me question things. It will be interesting to sit back and see what happens when lock down eases. Thanks for all the tips I appreciate it. I will seriously consider a dog. X