I am dreading Christmas as it’s the first without my husband who lost his cancer battle in June. My grown up kids are amazing and my 9 year old granddaughter has given me the will to carry on plus there’s a new baby girl due any day but I hide a lot of my grief from them as they are still grieving for their dad /grandad and I just don’t know how to get through Christmas Day
I’m so sorry for your sad loss. My husband also passed away in June this year after a short battle with lung cancer. This will be our 1st Christmas and the most important person won’t be there . Like you I’ve no idea how I’m going to get through the day I just can’t force a smile. I have 2 grown ups and 2 small granddaughter’s so need to somehow for them I’m just lost and completely broken
So sorry for your loss Ali it’s heartbreaking isn’t it
Utterly heartbreaking take care of you
I too have my first Christmas without my husband coming up. I have bought a tree, got the grandchildren advent calendars, started some present purchasing and feel rather worried about the future for no particular reason. After 46 years together, everyone has been sympathetic and kind but probably the best advice has been the most mysterious - take time. so even my preparations have been rather slow, but i think this seems right. i do cry sometimes every day and give my husband’s photo a hug and a kiss - seems the best i can do…
It will be my first Christmas this year without my husband, he died on the 12 of August, he was 48 and we had been together 31 years, I can’t even seem to get through today, how will I get through the rest of the month? I have 2 teenage children so I know I have to ‘do’ Christmas, tree, gifts, dinner but it’s all to painful
I am going through the motions at the moment tree is up presents sorted but still hard to get up in the morning knowing it’s another day without him xx friends are amazing but at this time of year family is everything and without my sidekick it’s going to be really hard xx
My partner and I were never really all that big into Christmas. We’d participate of course due to family obligations, but we couldn’t wait to get to the New Year’s celebrations, as it would be just me and him at home. That made it special, as we’d decided long ago that going out was just too much hassle. He passed away in October at the age of 50, so now I face the coming year(s) alone. I’m not looking forward to the festivities at all, but I don’t look forward to things in general anymore. At 46 and him 50, I’d hoped that we would’ve had a few more years ahead of us, but it just goes to show that nothing is promised. Sending strength to everybody. Hopefully we’ll all get through it somehow.
Hi there ! I am in the same position as you. Married 44 years and my first Christmas without him. My sons and grandchildren have all suffered so I am doing by my best to have as near normal a Christmas as possible. I think it’s the least we can do. I cry laugh and still argue with him everyday especially when I have no idea (how the central heating timer works !) and I know he would want me to carry on. How I’m gonna be on the day I really don’t know but for the sake of the family I’ll try my best to push through it without too many tears I’ll still have my moments in private where I can let them flow.
I think just by trying our best to enjoy the day is all that we can do xx
Georgina, your words are as though I’d written them, it’s the same way I am trying to get through the next few weeks, Christmas, New Year, wedding anniversary, and my Husbands Birthday, I sometimes think it’s good they are all so close together, get it all over with, but then I do wonder how I will cope having never been in this situation before, then I hear his words, " put your big girl pants on, you can do this" and I know I will, I’ve come this far with him still at my side, guiding me, encouraging me, where he will always remain, I related to your problems with the timer on the heating, so many things I don’t, rephrase that, didn’t, know but had to learn, I hope you and your family find some respite, I will be joining in with the candle lighting at 7pm on Christmas eve, I think it’s a lovely way of connecting us all, and our loved ones.
this site is such a comfort in such a strange way, it keeps me going, so thank you all of you,
My Husband passed suddenly from heart failure on the last day of March, exactly 2 weeks after his birthday and 10 days before our wedding anniversary. All milestones but Christmas and New Year so much harder. Like others, I am blessed to have children and Grandchildren to help me mask my grief. They say ones grief is mirrored by the lo e you felt. Mine is limitless
Gosh, Liz127, that last comment is so true - but how come we never realise at all just how hard it is going to be, such a shock, and so isolating - even with the kindest friends and relatives around one needs to be alone a lot to catch up on the exhaustion of grief.
I get some comfort from reading, and less from watching television (seems a sudden shock to return to reality after). i hope that there’s lots of love for everyone following this post this year…
I managed to get into the loft yesterday and brought down all the Christmas decorations and tree, was quite proud of myself as in the 23 years I’ve lived here I’d never been up there, it was always my husband Steve’s job to pass the boxes down to me.
But today as I opened each box the overwhelming waves of pain at each memory of each decoration was so painful. Remembering where we’d bought them and of us decorating the house each year took my breath away. I wouldn’t have bothered if it weren’t for the kids, but they are still fairly young so I’m trying my best but it is so hard knowing he is not beside me.
We’ll done you ! I’m waiting for my son to help me get our tree down. We always used to laugh when getting it down as to why we bother ! But with four young grandchildren who love Christmas and everything about it we always made the effort. It’s going to be sad this year dressing the tree and untangling the lights which we always thought we have put away tidy. I like everyone else am dreading it but at the same time I don’t want to spoil it for anyone else with family and friends feel like they are walking on eggshells. So I’ll dress the tree, join in the best I can and who knows I may even enjoy it. Without John by my side is always gonna be a struggle. I have our son’s passing out parade at the police academy next week and I know he would have been so proud 🥲.
Big hugs to everyone going through this nightmare at the moment.
I’m sure your husband will be watching your sons passing out and will be proud, of both of you, it’s so awful that things that’s should be joyful and happy can become so bittersweet and painful so quickly.
I usually do the tree ornaments, but my son did them today, I think the worst was one ornament that we bought on our honeymoon 20 years ago, that little snowman always brought me such joy and now it makes me weep.
Thank you - we waited so long for my son to be accepted by the police and it was confirmed a week before his funeral. So yes it’s gonna be tough. 44 years of marriage there are so many bits and pieces in our decoration box that we bought together so I’ll probably weep throughout the whole process. I know on Friday he’ll be with us in spirit and we’ll raise a glass or two in his honour.
Let’s try to get through Christmas the best way we can. I just want this awful year over with.
My husband too died 12 th August its hard isn’t it. I miss him so much my heart is broken I have cancelled xmas I’m on my own anyway so it’s not worth worrying about I will spend the day going up cemetery to talk to Jim
Misprint, yes it is so hard, sometimes it feels like yesterday that my world imploded and yet it feels like so long since I last talked with him, heard him laugh, touched his face. I wish I could sleep through December but my kids are 17 and 14 so I have to make an effort for them. Take care x
I really feel for you ,it’s a horrible time ,sometimes the build up is worse than the actual day .
But what I really wanted to say is that I lost both parents very suddenly within 5 weeks of each other ,both had been pretty healthy up till then ,and I went through times when I just didn’t know what to do ,the grief overwhelmed me like a tidal wave ,and I used to phone my son or daughter ,just to say ,I feel like sh*t we’d maybe have a 10 minute chat which helped gee me up ,they would do the same with me ,we didn’t all feel bad at that exact same moment ,so share your grief ,they’ve lost their father ,and I found that putting my hand up and saying todays a bad day with the people you love and who are with you on this sad journey was one of the best supports Systems i had .
I lost M and D nearly 3 years ago ,I never thought things would be less sad ,but you won’t believe me at the moment ,it does get lighter ,we do adjust to the « new norm « of them no longer being around ,it just takes time .
Make this the best Christmas it can be for all of you ,and don’t be afraid to take time out and say help to your children ,they will understand that you don’t always need to be the strong one .
Sending a virtual hug (how very forward of me ,considering we’ve never met !)xx