Liz I know ! How tough is this but when we think about it we couldn’t feel any worse than we do
now so I cling to the thought that it can only get better, however long that takes. However hard I thought it would be without my John, in all honesty I have never felt pain like this. I’ve lost all my close family - mum, dad, sister, niece (at 30 just dropped dead SADs) but John was always beside me helping me through the traumas but losing him had finally
knocked all the stuffing out of me. I am totally bereft but have to carry on. I have two wonderful sons and four grandchildren who adored their grandad who are also grieving. We talk about him often, the kids draw pictures for him and we stick them in the fridge for him to see.
Beyond sad beyond heartbroken but still here doing what he would want me to do and that is get on with it.
My husband died suddenly less than 5 weeks ago. I’ll be spending Christmas with my sons. His funeral won’t be until after Christmas. I can’t begin to describe the loneliness and despair and overwhelming sadness that I feel. He was my everything and I don’t know what I’m going to do with the rest of my life without him.
Hi Georgina I feel those exact same feelings this is it for me now just going through the motions it’s 12 weeks tomorrow since hubby passed I don’t understand each morning I wake cry think what now it seems like I just go through the motions of life but inside dying heartbreaking pain .yet feels so strange as I used to feel this way many years ago when we lost a child the pain was unimaginable I felt tortured it took 17 years to learn to deal with my pain my hubby was only one whom understood me made my tears turn to laughter he became my soulmate my strength my whole now he’s gone too I just cry without him turning those tears to laughter I know for me I will spend the rest of my life going through the motions of daily life this pain is crippling and if one more person say now what would he want you to do or just remember the good times if people don’t know what to say then no words can speak a million I am here for you xx
I too lost my husband 12/12/21. Funeral in the new year. I really don’t know what to do without him. 55 years of marriage. He was my soulmate. My life. I haven’t bought any presents or cards. I can’t bear to write them just from me.
I wish I could sleep through Xmas. I know I will be crying for him. Sad and lonely.
I’m so sorry for your loss Tessie. That’s the thing, isn’t it, when your partner is absolutely everything to you, without them there is this huge gap in your life. As well as the little day to day things like the silly jokes that we shared, there’s all the enormous stuff like grandchildren and retiring together that we won’t now get to share. I’m getting through the day on auto pilot sorting out all the paperwork and funeral and it’s the quiet times that are very hard. One thing I have started to do is to write a journal. I just write to him. I didn’t know how to start but someone said you can start by saying I miss you so I did that and it all came out. Now in the morning I tell him how I feel and what I’m going to do that day and before bed I tell him what happened. Sometimes you see or hear something that you really want to share with them and that’s how you can do it. It’s a one sided conversation but it is a conversation. I feel peaceful after I’ve done it. I hope that you’ve got support around you. J xx
So so saddened for you yes my first Christmas without my partner of over 36 years I can’t begin to say how I feel apart from a huge hole inside me missing the sully things my cups of tea I hardly ever made the tea nobody in 3 months has made me a cuppa I won’t let them as only my partner knows how to make it oh I tell them how but it’s like it was only deeply important to my partner he got it just right he was my soulmate my rock my protector I simply don’t know just how I am getting through each day not doing Christmas don’t have tv on sick of listening to ridiculous stuff like nobody wants lumpy gravy on Christmas dinner I want ti scream at them I guess unless you’ve lost as we have they simply don’t understand please take good care of yourself the best way you can
Anne123 your story reads so like mine I don’t think I made a single cup of tea in all our married life, my soulmate always made the cups of tea I didn’t even have to ask him he just knew when I wanted a cuppa. I have missed that so much in the last two months since I lost him. I would love to just cancel Christmas and just disappear but have an elder mother who I will have to see and a loving family and grandkids which I am so lucky to have but feel I am just putting on an act for them I try to keep the tears for when I am on my own.
Hi and welcome to the club none of us choose to be in I am so saddened for you your right when you say how painful it is my hubby was my soulmate and best friend I really don’t know what I am going to do without him iv never lived alone before it’s 12 weeks today feels like yesterday I just can’t believe he’s not coming home I still have his stuff around I can’t explain why .i feel this is it now for me surviving to please others as I can actually be made feel guilty by others for not been upbeat calls are getting less guess who want to speak to someone whom don’t communicate back life stinks and well Christmas my family know iv cancelled it not that I got offers to spend the day with any of them I know deep down they care but personally I’d never be saying if there’s anything you want just say.I’d actually just do it in first place if only someone turned up with meals oh yes iv had that happen 3 times in 12 weeks I just feel so alone or I get calls at there convenience iv giving up on them and just say I am fine
Hi sue2 it’s so strange how our story’s are so similar I can honestly say my hubby always knew what I wanted always put me first he had an amazing sense of humour we had our own jokes only we knew I’d never feel burden asking him take me anywhere I don’t drive so now I’d be dependent on others to do there’s things for me every morning I wake cry then throw myself out of bed wash eat back to bed then repeat this is how life has been I struggle with going out shopping I struggle to eat cooking is like a major catastrophe yet I am left to get on unless of course I’d call and ask if they’d bring me bits occasionally I ask my son to bring bits but who want to lean on there adult child
This will be my first Xmas without my hubby. He was the one that made life worthwhile now I’m just going through the motions. I don’t cook anymore Jim loved my cooking but now I feel it’s pointless to even bother for one. I lie in bed hoping God with take me in the night to be with Jim then I wake and have to do it all over again I get up walk dogs , come home ,cry, force a sandwich down, cry, go bed , cry , . This is awful like I’m on a roundabout and can’t get off. I’m cancelled Xmas no tree, no Dec’s, cards have gone in bin.
I too lost my husband Peter to COPD at the end of June so this is my first Christmas alone too. I feel so broken even now and do not know how I am going to get through it. To cap it all, they have just announced on TV that we will soon be leaving 2021 behind and going into a new year. I don’t want to think about leaving this year. It will mean saying that Peter passed ‘last year’ and I don’t think I can handle thinking that right now everything is still so raw. It will just take him farther away from me and I cannot bear that. What do others feel about it.
We’ll short answer - I can’t wait for this horrible year to be over. Been nothing but doom and gloom for our family. Losing my husband in April with us all suffering from the loss of a wonderful family man who loved me, our boys, our grandchildren more than life itself. 2021 has been a nightmare for me and I cannot wait to see the back of it.
Georgina
MoGreg1 I was thinking the same thing when I have to say Jim died last year makes it seem further away from me but to me it’s like it was yesterday I cannot move on and to be honest I don’t know as I want to cause it feels like I’m getting over it and letting go which scares me. I will never get over losing the love of my life. X
Hi I don’t really want to get over it. Peter was my life and I just wish he was still here with me. Nearly 6 months and I cry as much now as I did then. Heart broken is an understatement. Hugs Moira
Hi Anne, I’m so sorry hearing about your situation. The things you said are almost word for word how I feel, like having all of his things around but the only thing missing is him. And pst of my brain wants to pretend that he’s on a really long course with no internet and sometime soon he’ll just come back. There’s the horrible feeling of isolation when everyone else starts to get on with their lives. I think each of us on here is in similar position in that what was our life has been ripped away. Each day we have to get up and take care of ourselves. I keep telling myself it’s what he would want me to do. J xx
My wife died in October, cancer,I dread every day without her but Christmas is so much worse, having to pretend for our son,he’s lost his mam, brother and grandma this year,… take care
Aw misprint I can understand exactly what you mean day I knew my hubby was in his last 24 hours of life laying asleep downstairs in a hospital bed I threw every bit of food away pointless I thought we always cooked together well most of time we both liked same sort of food I do pretty much same as you now only I don’t hardly leave the house I only get dressed if I am desperate and need to rush to shops to rush home back to bed I feel frustrated as I do this for sake of others iv 9th just started making the odd meal mainly it’s snacks but keeps the family happy knowing I am eating iv got wonderful son but piles the pressure on if he thinks my eating is slipping I know it’s because he’s frightened as many years ago our son died I fell apart completely it’s my hubby that kept me going he turned my tears to laughter he understood me like nobody else can I just feel as time goes by it’s getting worse yes iv got our other son he’s turned 40 now he’d possibly be better of without me I cause him so much worry everyone wants me be ok well I am not I could scream when I hear would he want you be this way your not letting him rest you have to move on all the ridiculous stuff iv heard all before
