Had my first counselling session yesterday evening, 10 weeks after losing June. Very nice lady. I wasn’t sure how it would work, but the hour went before I knew it. 2 things came out of the session – first I was drained, exhausted so tired, second, I’ve had a terrible day. Very down, very dark thoughts. Missing her so much today that it hurts. Just breaking down and sobbing. The first I can understand, the second, I don’t know if it came from talking to M, or that it’s realising that June is never vomming back. I’m telling myself not to be that person, that dark destructive person, but, can’t control the thoughts we get.
I don’t know what I expected from the session. Certainly not to feel better, but not to feel worse. Maybe it’s too soon, but I don’t want to wait.
Sorry if this is upsetting, but I’m trying to find out if it’s usual to feel worse before it gets any better