Hi Lizzie so sorry for you loss, I also lost my dad 6 weeks ago so I know it’s very raw. It’s totally fine to feel that way it’s still such early days for us and will take time 
I sometimes think how can I ever feel normal again without my dad. I’m going back to work tomorrow and just feel sick that my life has to go on without him but I also know he would be telling me to keep going and get back to work 
xx
2 Likes
Thinking of you we deserve our dads here with us !
4 Likes
Thinking of you I totally understand and agree with everything you wrote 
x
2 Likes
Woke up this morning in tears because I dreamed I searched and searched and couldn’t find him. So not a good start to the new year.
5 Likes
Oh bless you! Wish we could control our dreams - i keep asking Mum to come and give me reassurance but she flippin wont. All i get is dreams about swimming (something ive tried to learn but terrifies me), flood waters rising, and stormy seas!
3 Likes
I did shed a few tears at midnight as I thought Dad wasn’t here for 2024. It hit me more than Christmas tbh, which was bad enough. It’s like leaving someone behind. Thinking of you all today. Xx
4 Likes
Thank you. I so wish for reassurance too. Dreaming of stormy seas sounds very symbolic, a reflection of stormy feelings, but it must be awful to dream that when you’re terrified of swimming.
1 Like
I lost my Dad in Aug, I feel heart broken every single day
3 Likes
So sorry. All of us here understand.
3 Likes
Yes as hard as it is for us all, its good too know that you are not alone 
4 Likes
Absolutely. I don’t think I could have coped at all if I hadn’t found this forum. Hugs!
2 Likes
Aww I’m so sorry , it’s rubbish isn’t it I just can’t believe my dad isn’t here anymore sometimes I think it can’t be real . Miss him so much … here always
3 Likes
Thank you, yes it is extremely hard.
I sometimes have a good day and others in floods of tears, sometimes from no where, something just starts me off.
Always when i go to bed, my thoughts turn to my Dad 
So far have had my Dad’s first birthday, Christmas, my Mum’s birthday (who has moved into a care home now, as she has dementia) and my first New Year without my Dad.
I cant ever see things getting any better.
I now have my parents home to sort out where they lived for nearly 60 years, which is very hard too
1 Like
Hi. I lost my dad last February and brother in May. Last year was horrendous and each family occasion i really suffered. I felt like i was sleep walking through last year just going through the motions. It was hard to just put one foot in front of the other. I was dreading Christmas without them both . I am going into this year with increased optimism and life does not seem quite as daunting. I lnow there will be many challenges but after a chat with dad on Christmas day where i found him telling me to deal with the cards we were dealt (one of his sayings) and pull myself up by my bootstraps. This encouraged me to think more positively and find some enjoyment in life. Life is very hard and i know how difficult you are finding it but you will get through and come out stronger. Love to you in this difficult time.
4 Likes
Thank-you, i am trying to get through this year with increased optimism like you say, as I too hear my Dad saying to me, “no good crying, we all have go go one day” which is what he said to me when he knew he was dying, and i know he wouldnt want me to be sad and crying all the time.
Thanks for your message, it’s so sad that we are all going through this.
Love to you too, and all the best for this New Year
3 Likes
Besscat, my dad’s sayings really help me, too.
Can I ask, on which Christmas did he say that we must deal with the cards we were dealt? I read it as if you’d conversed with him since he passed and, if so, I’m intrigued to know more about how to optimise conditions for this to happen.
1 Like
This was one of my dads sayings. I remember him saying this to me when my brother was going through his cancer . i said it wasn’t fair why he had to suffer. Last year was very difficult for me especially on my 30th wedding anniversary and my birthday as i missed them both and was finding life really hard. I was dreading Christmas without them and on Christmas morning i went to their grave. We often talk to them here . I was very low that morning but i felt that here my dad & brother were there for me and i could hear dad saying these words to me which encouraged me to think more positively and that i could cope with his help. In life my dad didn’t show his feelings and just got on with life but i often feel him talking to me urging me on and living life. It will be a year next month that we lost dad and this will be very hard but i try to remember how my dad dealt with things and hope he would be proud of how we are all coping. Losing dad then my brother was one of the hardest things we had to deal with and no-one can imagine the heartbreak you suffer as everyone’s situation is different . I hope my sharing my experience it can offer a small glimmer of hope in an impossible time .
2 Likes
That’s the same as my Dad, he never showed his feelings or emotions.
Never talked about death or what he wanted.
All he ever said was that he wanted to die at home, but unfortunately this wasn’t possible as my Mum has dementia and my Dad had a few falls which meant that they weren’t safe there anymore.
We begged my Dad to go into a hospice, to which he reluctantly agreed.
The hospice didnt have any beds so my Mum and Dad both went into the same care home.
My Dad passed the next day, much quicker than we expected but a blessing for him and us that we didnt see him suffer any more.
He also said that he would like the bungow, which he had lived in for nearly 60 years, bought as a new build to stay in the family (my Dad had done so much work there over those years including a massive fish pond, how can I let a stranger move onto my family home)
And thats all he ever really said, so I’m struggling, as I keep going over in my head that onversation and wondering what he was feeling inside and what else he wanted or didn’t want.
I know as long as he was at home, that he wanted my Mum there with him.
I had begged him to let my Mum go into a home for respite as I couldn’t see how he was going to to pass away at home with my Mum how she was.
She kept waking him up when he was sleeping, saying about going home, she didn’t realise how ill my Dad was.
I really struggle with all these feelings, but the day we left the hosp, after they told my Dad that he only had months left (he passed away a week and a day later) I remember my Dad saying it’s no good crying, we all have to go one day
I had said to him that I loved him and he told me he knew and that he loved me too.
I feel guilty that I wasn’t there when he passed and miss him terribly.
I know he wouldn’t want me to feel how I’m feeling, but finding it really hard.
I wish i could feel his presence more 
Lots of love to you all, I lnow how your feeling
2 Likes
Same with my dad, he didn’t talk about what he wanted. I struggle a lot with not knowing how he felt and if I did things right. Some days I’m just so afraid that I failed him somehow. It really is hard.
1 Like
Yes Ulma thats exactly how my Dad was and how I feel
2 Likes