First post

Hi to all

I am a 56 year old widower since May 2019 and I have only just come across this forum.
As it is an ever evolving process that we have to go through it would be ever so easy to coin the usual phrases about how it will be.
But one thing is for sure and it’s your own journey to own and take.
Of course life goes on, you only have to look at all of the posts here to realise that but it does get easier if you allow it to.
In my experience this far down the line it has been change that has made this journey a little more bearable
Changes in so many ways but changes none the less.
I will over time add to my blog as to try and sum it all up in one go would be impossible and irrelevant to most.
Just keep pushing and effect change wherever you can.


Hi Rick
Your words are very true. I was told in the early days that I had to learn to accept and that thought helped me a lot. It’s no good looking backwards, it’s gone, and who knows what the future holds.
I keep myself busy and simply see what life throws at me.
The pain does get easier and loses it’s rawness although we are still grieving and I hope your words will bring comfort to some of the members.


Hi Pat,

Yes the pain does ease with new circumstances and its great to feel good about life again…even if its sporadic!!!.

I also learnt that, myself being impatient that I had to wait and just go through the mill…it quite simply takes time.

It’s also good to chat.

Keep well


Hi all it’s so difficult some times , it’s been four years and I still struggle and but on a face to pretend everything is ok .


I look forward to your blog as I definitely need as much encouragement and understanding as possible. At the moment I’m afraid I’m at the stage where life feels pretty pointless and the pain unbearable

Thanks for now

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I’m at the same stage as you Dee. 5 months and everything seems pretty pointless. Just plod through each day to plod through yet another day. Exhausting.


It’s so scary that I don’t feel like the real me. I’m only half alive. A lot of what I do is more out of necessity then want. The presence i display to the outside world is false …… I worry that if things don’t change I will explode with anger and grief!!


I don’t think I even feel half alive. I had a life, a wonderful life (still with its stresses but wonderful nevertheless) and a future I was looking forward to where me and my husband could spend more time together as the children became independent. Now I have an empty future. We were going to travel - if I do that it will be lonely, what’s the point with no one to share it with? I was working to help give us both a good retirement- he won’t get one and I can’t do the things I wanted to with him. So yes, I can get through each day. I can fill my days but there is no meaning to it any more.

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Rickh I would really like to read your blog.

I am 7 months in and I think the reality is setting in, for some months for some reason I had it in my head that this was just temporary and everything would go back to normal soon, which it obviously wasn’t. I am not sure if anyone has watched Afterlife with Ricky Gervais, but some days I feel as angry as him in series 1.

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There are so many points to take and move forward with.
Everyone’s journey is unique but very similar in so many ways of feelings.
My wife’s illness was a long and very drawn out 5 +years and it certainly takes energy away but you can get it back, albeit in a different time but you are allowed to feel good things and have good and happy thoughts again…I could never see or understand the alternative to this time now.
It has torn our family apart in so many ways and we all share a part of making that happen but nothing part can be changed but you can alter the course ahead to a degree.
I’m not sure if any of this helps but it was my mindset all along.

Keep well and positive.


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Ah you mention afterlife… well that was probably the biggest kick up the backside that I needed and took from it I think the guy is a genius.
Now don’t get me wrong I had opposite thoughts to those that he portrayed… looking forward to series 3!!

Hey Paula,

I’m curious to learn of your struggle?

It’s good to just say it as you think it.


For me it started with a search for a meaning of why followed by what now.
Are you afraid you may actually find something and then feel guilty for having those very natural feelings?
Because that’s what happened to me… now 2+years down the line, yes the 2nd year was the hardest but its now whatever I want it to be, health permitting of course.

Well it’s not so much of a blog but more experiences along the way that have helped move me in.
I would not be so condescending as to think that my experiences are the same as anyone else’s but there are sure some similarities.

Yes looking forward to series 3. I first watched it before hubby died, but binge watched it the other week through different eyes. I took a lot from it.

You are right when you say you ask why and what now. I am at the early part of what now and I think that will probably be the work through.

I think it depends on what YOU want from this life from now on… make a change if you can.

So what do you want it to be now?

If I find something then I know he would be happy for me. It’s just that we were together from being 16 and so everything was interwoven with him. I didn’t mind what I was doing as long as I was sharing it with him. I listened to Joan Armatrading being interviewed recently and she said you can see the most beautiful city but what is the point if you don’t have someone to share it with - it’s all about love. That sums it up for me. I liked being part of a couple and we knew each other so well it was so wonderful to do things together. It’s just lonely now.


The most used lies seem to be
I’m fine
I’m OK
I’m getting there
I’m not, I’m not, I’m not, the pain is intense


Rick that is a hard one I am not sure, For now I would like to meet some like minded people. Most of my friends disappeared a couple of months in.