Hi,
My partner passed away 7 days ago…he was 42. We were due to get married in 10 weeks time- and we have a 4 year old daughter.
I know its very recent…but im swinging between sadness and absolute anger. My partner used to say “we’re meant to be, the universe says so- and we dont want to upset the universe!”…i just used to roll my eyes. Now? Id give anything to hear him say it again. He was very affectionate, and vocal about us. Me, i didnt say as much as i thought. And i hate that.
How on earth do i go on? Only my daughter is keeping me sane- otherwise i wouldnt get out of bed. Im not eating, not sleeping properly…and so mixed up. Lost without him.
Any advice would be so appreciated xx
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I am 13 months into this journey , I was 56 when I suddenly lost my husband to sudden heart attack
He was my 3rd husband after two previous abuse marriages so I knew he was perfect but it took me two decades to marry him after previous experience , we eloped to Gretna Green in September 2022 and April 2024 he is just simply “gone”
I was angry at myself for waiting sooooo long to marry him , the first few weeks months was a blur , not eating , not sleeping and didn’t know who I was without him .
A year on I can’t say you “get over it “ you just learn to live with it a little better , I have learnt how to avoid triggers and I have learnt to keep busy , I have learnt it’s ok to ask for help , be it medication or counselling , I have learnt what works for one person may not for me , It’s a long road we are on some move quicker than others there are no rules
So what feels best for you x
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@Jane15
Thank you for your reply! I get what you mean- about wishing to be married sooner. Me and Pav should have, but it was me who put it off.
Anger is winding me up, but, i know Pav didnt want to leave. As your partner wouldnt want to leave you- and i think thats the thing…it reminds us how cruel life can be. Small steps…thats all we can do, i suppose. Im so sorry for your loss- i know words can seem hollow, especially in this sort of topic. I guess the biggest comfort is knowing that love lives on. Stay well and take care x
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My wife and i didn’t marry until around our 40th, as we had 2 other partners each.
I too am sad it took us too long to properly find each other. We had 23 years together before she passed in January this year.
The first month or so are horrible. You are in disbelief that they have gone, and having to sort out death certificates, finances, arranging funerals etc is horrendous to have to do straight away.
It will be tough, but you need to try to eat and drink as normal, sleep qhen you can and try to look after yourself. You are no good to your children if you can’t cope.
It is all about surviving every day. Cry when you need to, just be kind to yourself.
Read up about the 5 stages of grief.
Look after yourself and don’t hesitate to use the people on this site. It is a godsend to have people who understand what you are going through.
Good luck and sending thoughts and hugs to you.
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@Jrthorn
Im so sorry for your loss- i know that words can seem so pointless, but, yeah.
My Pav called me masha…not sure why! But i can hear him, in my head, saying “you’ve got this masha.” He’d probably berate me in ukrainian otherwise! I cant do anything until theyve done a post mortem, and i suspect there’ll be an inquest. So, i know that theres difficult times to come. We werent married yet- that was supposed to be in 10 weeks time.
Honestly, if not for our daughter i would have broken down already- this situation has been a reminder of how cruel life can be. But, each day as it comes. How are you holding up? Sending you the very best of wishes x
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@MrsS2025 oh i know this all to well list my fiancé Linda on 8th oct 2024 together 14 years knew each other 20 we due to marry this year after losing my dad and then covid put it off then linda going into hosp with liver issues but contracting covid in there passed in 3 days im so sorry your on this path now my sincere condolences to you and your daughter its a horrid place to be big hugs take care of you
I get the not eating and sleeping too its a hard place to be
My thoughts are with you
Martin🫶
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@Martin64
God, you and linda sound like me and Pav! I knew him 18 years, but were a couple just shy of 16. His closest family died in the ukrainian conflict, then i found out i was pregnant and also got covid- so we didnt marry. But were due to be married in around 10 weeks time (beginning of august.) I bitterly regret continually postponing our wedding. When we first met, he told his best friend “she’ll marry me one day, she just doesnt know it yet.” He was arrogant like that!! But, i adore him. Always did. Always will.
How are you holding up? Im arguing with myself in an empty room most of the time. Big hugs, and the very best of wishes to you. I hope youre as ok as you can be- lets face it, ok is the wrong word though. -Emma x
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@MrsS2025 aww Emma yes its very much like me and my Linda scary how thing pan out i too regret that postponement too we should have been married after i asked her in 2014 aww he def loved you and set his sights on you as his wifey i used to call my linda wifey even though we hadn’t got to tie the knot like you i bitterly regret that oh yeah the empty living room the nights are worst and weekends but just seeing couples when I’m out taking our little dog for a walk its torture esp latley in the nicecweather beautiful scenery and place bit it just is so difficult to go places now it brings back the memories but makes me then realise i cant make any more with my soulmate no longer by my side big hugs back at ya i hope you can be as good as you can be too stay strong its hard i know 
Martin
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Like you I lost my beloved partner suddenly and unexpectedly. After 12 months I can’t say it gets any better, but it’s just different. Somehow you learn to deal with the trauma. I am still overwhelmed every day by the strangest things but you know it will pass. The early days are a living nightmare and you have the funeral and finances to deal with alongside your heartbreak. At this stage everything is so raw. You are bound to be angry as you’ve had your future taken away. All your hopes and dreams gone in an instant. In the early days ( in fact I still do now) when I put my head on the pillow at night I try and think what I’m going to do the next day - however mundane- and think what I’m going to eat. Otherwise the temptation is to stay in bed and eat rubbish.
You are fortunate to have your little daughter and she will give you focus, and you will see your partner everyday in her. Don’t be too hard on yourself. You are doing better than you’ll ever know. Sending love and strength xx
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Hi MrsS2025
I am still struggling on, but it has only been 4 and a half months, so still early days.
The fog i was walking around in has pretty much lifted now. I am starting to remember more good memories, because straight after she died i couldn’t remember anything good, and i panicked.
I am quite spiritual, and believe we will meet again. I know she has visited me since, which is some comfort, but there are still times where i can’t believe she has gone. I struggle with myself, making new memories without her, but hope she is joining me as i make them.
I hope that you get through this first couple of months ok. They are hard, and the fog makes things difficult. Just take your time, and do things when you are ready. Take care.
Hi @MrsS2025 you will find yourself wishing you’d done this & said that. We always think we have more time especially when we finally find our one, surely life can’t be so cruel, but it is. Early days I wrote a journal as if I was writing to My Derek telling him what was going on. I also wrote about him, funny stories, places we’d been, holidays we had. Started writing poems too, to get my feelings out on paper. All of this helped me. I didn’t get counselling, he passed just before Covid hit so it was a very solitary time & work put in a work from home policy so didn’t even have that to get back to. I didn’t discover this site straight away but it has helped enormously. Keep writing on here, however you’re feeling someone will have felt the same. Sending you love & strength 
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Hi @Jodel712
Thank you so much- i really appreciate that. I’ve been thinking a lot about the funny or sweet stories with Pav…and it’s such a comfort. He’d probably be cross i am remembering some of the things- like when our daughter was sick on his face! He wanted to forget that. I’m so sorry for your loss of Derek- and during covid…what an awful time (makes me hate boris just that little bit more!!)
I think I’ll do that too though…start writing notes. That’s amazing advice xx
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Hi MrsS2025
I write to my wife Jacquie all the time. I find it easier to gather my thoughts better when i write.
I also believe that when i am thinking and writing to her, that she knows my thoughts. I don’t hold back in what i say.
I realise that i really didn’t say and do things often enough, because foolishly, you think you are going to have them around forever.
I hope it helps. I have written her letters and poetry. It helps me to say what i need to say, and i hope it will work for you.
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Hi @Jrthorn
I’m the same- didn’t say enough really. In all honesty, i took it for granted that Pav would always be there…or so i thought 
Now…i keep listening to “never enough” from the greatest showman. And “amazed” by lonestar- and i wish I’d told him more. Pav knew how much i love him, but i should have been more vocal. But, i wrote a letter to him this afternoon- i hope he can “hear” what was said. Thank you for sharing about your letters and poems to Jacquie x
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@MrsS2025 i think that we will always think that we never said enough Emma its so difficult to get our heads around there not here glad writing down things is helping i just talk to linda all the time hope she can hear too that song was one of Linda’s faves too she loved lonestar ever since we first got together said it reminded her of me i really don’t know why I’m just me im sure pav knew exactly how much you love him im constanly sering things that i hadnt done or finished as i thought stupidly we had lots mote time together how wrong was i 
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Aww @Martin64 …but, it’s such a great song for Linda to liken to you. I threatened to dedicate “the birdie song” to Pav at our wedding- i wouldnt have, of course, but he took things so literally! He honestly thought I’d do it!! He often had a complete sense of humour failure- one of the funniest, best things about him. We’re very opposite. Even our football teams! Couldn’t agree on anything. It’s the little things that are the best, and hardest, to think about. Urgh x
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Hi, I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m 7 weeks since my partner died suddenly. It’s been so painful. I go from numb to sobbing in waves and I made it through the funeral somehow. I’ve forced myself to go to yoga classes the last 2 weeks and I’ve found it has helped relax me. I’ve tried to find jobs in the house and garden to keep busy. Friends have visited, less so since the funeral but I guess that is normal. I’ve found listening to bereavement books and podcasts has helped. I’m still off work as I can’t cope with it yet. I’m finding the crying is less often than before but still a few times a day. It’s going to be a long road but I think I owe it to myself and my partner to eventually try to get some enjoyment from my life. You’ve no choice but to carry on for your child and to honour your partner. It will eventually be less painful. Take care of yourself and do what you need to do. Reach out on this site, just reading the posts makes you realise that there are so many of us in the same boat. Take care x
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@Martin64 realising that is it…no more time. That’s the worst. I just hope all this gets somewhat easier…if that’s how to describe it
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@Marnie10
Im so sorry for your loss- i hope you’re as “ok” as possible, although i know its not the right way to put it. Pav hasn’t had a post mortem yet…i already know there will be an inquest. Its just likely. So limbo is where we are…no funeral can be started to be arranged. Nothing. So, i know that as soon as me, our daughter, and friends start coming to terms with everything, we’ll all go back to square one. That’s terrifying. The advice im seeing on this site is such a comfort. I really hope for the very best for you- big hugs x
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I don’t keeps me going l lost my beautiful wife just before Christmas we were married 52 years I sit alone at night with only myself in empty home I have 4 adults children but they don’t come to see me very much there on the phones but I have to go to see them it can be very lonely sorry for your loss
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