@PaulineM1 im not sure who owns the grave or plot cos I wasn’t allowed any say in his funeral, she barred me from going but I still went and hid at the back, 
so I’m not sure how I would know, she had his mobile phone yesterday and was active on his social media pages, everyone was getting alerts to say he was online, how shocking!!! She had posted something which I’m assuming was an accident as it was just a jumbled bunch of letters but still, how bad that she’s on his phone snooping about 
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Ang, i think the way u hav been treated is disgusting by micks mother, u could phone or go 2 the cemetery & ask them who paid for the plot. & say u was his partner, & want 2 know if its possible if u could be buried with mick.
Im sure they would help you.
Its a shame u wasent married u would have had alot more say.
Good luck.
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If you have a garden make a special place and put your flower’s there. It will be just as important x
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@PaulineM1 she’s went on absolutely disgraceful, some of the things she said and done, I could understand if I’d done anything wrong but I haven’t, apparently she’s always been like this, wants to control her kids lives and thinks she’s the head of the family and she must know everything! One of the worst things she said to me was “had I meant anything to him then she would of known about it” at the time I was too devastated to respond but now I wished I’d said had YOU been any kind of a decent mother then YOU would of been told!! But he always said she was wicked!! Definitely a shame we weren’t married if only! She would of had no say whatsoever!!! I live in a block of flats so don’t have a garden or anything, I wonder what mick
Would be thinking of this situation if he’s watching it all
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Ang, dont beat yr self up, u r grieving & micks mother sounds so nasty & bitter. I was with my husband 30 years, & when he died dec 2017, after the funeral 2 of his sisters blanked me ever since for no reason, & that hurt,
But u get over it. U dont need nasty people in yr life.
Rise above it, & remember mick loved you & he wasent bothered what his mother thought.
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I don’t understand why people turn nasty, they must’ve been like that their whole lives, Vileness oozing out Pauline I wish you lived next to me for advice everyday, and everyone else who’s commented, I wish we all lived together so I could run and say what’s happened today and what can i do, grief is a very lonely place, the slightest thing sets me off! First time I’ve mopped my kitchen floor for 3 month today!! My son had mopped it previously but first time I’ve actually done it 
was like a massive deal to put water in the bucket but I did it
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I know exactly how u feel i dident know wether i was coming or going for the first 2 years after my lovely husband Oliver died it was so sudden, well 4 & a half weeks in hospital lung disease. He retired in the march & died in the dec. & iv really learnt who my friends r, not many. Even people we put up.
U never get over it, u just hav 2 learn 2 get on with yr life.
It wad the deadly silence coming home & he wasent there any more.
I found this site a great help, in my darkest days. & u will get better in time.
How long has yr mick been gone.
X
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Could you report her the caretakers of the grave yard? It’s just a thought as they could warn her maybe?
Gosh some people don’t deserve life when they behave like this. My dear mum was the same age and she was taken. She was kind and would never do such a think. Life is a privilege.
Sending a virtul hug @Ang5
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She grieving in her way. It’s vile for you & a pity you can’t come together at this sad time . And it’s not your fault .
I would plant spring bulbs (September ) some little tete a tete daffodils or crocus.
I would also plant some self seeding forgetmeknots. Maybe low growing aubrieta. Natural, native . Many graveyards have rules against shrubs/roses so check locally but if there’s something you can do secretly that she doesn’t know you’ve done, then she’s less likely to get upset. You win with permanent annual reminders .
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Graves are purchased as a family plot and depending on the depth of bedrock, up to four internments can take place in a new plot.
You just know that someone who already is binning your flowers will have it sorted that the lair is for family members only.
But call the harridans bluff, buy the lair next to it if its available or the one across or behind it.
That way you’d be next to him or facing him and she cannot do anything about it.
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I’ve discovered this Particular cemetery isn’t owned by the local council, it’s within a Roman Catholic church and it’s there graveyard, so the bulbs she’s planted around are allowed, she’s put daffodils all the way round, his dad is buried 2 plots in front so I don’t understand why she wouldn’t want to be buried with her husband!! It’s definitely to spite me! I’ve always thought I want to be cremated so not sure, this cemetery is a quite journey away from where I live too, he lived on the opposite side of the city to me, hopefully her other 2 sons have told her she can’t be buried with mick!! What a strange woman!! She’s been on his phone again yesterday and active on his social medias, I don’t know what she’s looking to find but it’s not normal behaviour, I’m up early to go to cemetery with a little bunch of tulips, I think she knows the roses that keep appearing are mine so I’m going to get something different,
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There is a big difference between a public cemetery and a church graveyard.
In a public cemetery, you purchase the plot and have ownership of the plot, so can decide what happens on that plot.
Church graveyard is very different - you pay for the right of use of the land, but the ownership belongs to the church
The graveyard is bound by the regulations of the church including decorum and conduct within the graveyard
In this setting, it would violate conduct to bin the flowers and this can be reported to the church warden
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Oooo this is interesting, so can she not be buried on top of him? I think she said this to people who I know knowing it would get back to me, I’m going to ring the church later and report her for binning my flowers, knowing how much of a narcissist she is though she will play dumb and say they were rotten, when they aren’t, last week for micks bday I’d bought 2 lovely posies and had permission from his friend to put his name on them so they wouldn’t be binned, she rang his friend the next day asking what flowers he had put on, like trying to catch him out!! He was disgusted ! Then she said she couldn’t bare the thoughts of “that girl” meaning me, putting flowers down!!! How rude! I’d love to know what I’ve done
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She can be buried with him, but it’s not guaranteed as with plot purchase in a public cemetery - it’s depends on local regulations, the church’s graveyard policy and space availability
Remember churches are very cliquey and if she is considered well thought of within that church or even the diocese, it could backfire complaining.
I would find out her status within the church before going down that road
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@MemoriesOfUs shes probably well in with them then so I don’t think I will bother saying anything, just for her to think she’s got one over on me 
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Unfortunately how things should work and how they do in practice is not the same thing
Remedial steps would be to approach church warden and the parish priest, but if they are sympathetic to her because of her involvement in the church, which I would imagine she is if her husband is also buried there, it will likely be flipped on you
I was raised Roman Catholic and the churches are full of self indulgent politics
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Yes I think you’re right, she will be involved in that church so I won’t bother, I will just let her crack on and continue to embarrass herself, I don’t know how she can sleep on a night knowing what she’s done with his flowers and other things, so she can live with her guilt
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Ang she sounds like a very embittered woman.
No wonder mick didn’t want her in his life.
U cld say next time u put flowers down, u can remove my flowers, but not my memories of mick.
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I’m yet to see her again, I don’t think I ever will get to see her, It would end in tears no doubt if we did meet
Ang u r grieving, dont let micks mother bring u down as shes not worth it.
As u never met the woman just ignore her. & rise above it.
& how u feel abt her will pass in time, as i learnt from my husband’s family. They r not worth it.
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