So it’s been four weeks since I lost my partner completely out of the blue. I’m feeling worse now than I’ve felt so far and we haven’t even had the funeral yet so I know it’s only going to get worse. I’m missing him soo much. It feels like a lifetime ago that I spoke to him or hugged him last. I don’t know how to carry on. I just want to go to sleep and not wake up. I don’t feel like there’s ever going to be an end to the pain I’m feeling, there’s never going to be a day where I’m not desperate to see him again, hug him again, speak to him again and I know thats never going to happen 
What weeks did you all find the hardest? I see some people are still struggling a few years down the line and that scares me. I woke up this morning and told myself I have to pull myself together because he’s not coming back but by 10am I was back in bed where I’ve stayed all day. I just can’t bring myself to get up or do anything. I don’t have the will to do anything now 
Are you on your own? I found 4 weeks in hard, my parents stayed with me but I just felt numb and seemed to cry a lot. Having company though was beneficial despite sometimes wishing I was alone at times as I often felt the need to scream.
4 weeks is so early still and you just need to do whatever you need to do to survive the day.
I needed the days to pass quickly so I was up and out or occupying myself at home, keeping myself busy.
We are all different and we’ll do different things to survive. The beginning is all about surviving.
Yes I’m on my own here but that’s how I prefer it at the moment. His family keeps saying to go stay down there but when I go down there I just don’t feel like speaking, I just sit there staring into space, mopng around. I go down for an hour or two some days but I’m usually ready to go home after an hour. I’ll stay there the night before and after the funeral though. My friend offered to come down and keep me company for a few nights but she has kids and a partner of her own so I told her no. Like I said to her living alone is something I need to get used to now. To be honest there’s nobody I want here anyway, I just want him, I just want a really tight hug
It does feel like life is just about surviving right now, surviving and crying and I just can’t be bothered anymore 
@LostLil
It is very early days for you and you are still in shock. I know people may have said this to you before but it is so true.
Someone said to me that there is no quick way out of grief and you have to go along with it. Be kind to yourself and do whatever makes you comfortable.
I think looking back I just couldn’t cope with the pain and feeling so distraught all of the time. Now, almost six months later I still want my old life and my husband back but I find I can do things I thought I would never do again and I can survive. I still cry every day and ask out loud “why”. The pain is still there but not as bad. I feel a lot of sadness now.
Let all of your emotions out and do what is right for you.
It is so hard right now but it will get easier.
Sending big hugs and strength to you xxx
I was given the advice to accept all the help I am offered. Your friend wants to help in whatever way she can so accept her offer of company. It is still very early days for you so be gentle with yourself. I lost my husband 5 months ago and am still lost and find myself trudging along each day. Take each hour, day, week as it comes. I have spent days in bed and I have spent days out walking the dog. It takes time to even process what’s happening.
My daughters and I talk about the new ‘normal’ and finding our way. I don’t like my new normal but I now feel I have my husband behind my shoulder keeping me company and I’m determined to try and do the things we had planned FOR him even if I can’t do them with him.
It is all so hard but you will find the strength to get through this - remember you are not alone .
Look after yourself
I’m so terribly sorry for your loss @LostLil. I’m at five months now but I so remember being four weeks in and it’s horrendous. The shock is probably starting to wear off now and I remember having sudden bursts of realisation that this wasn’t just a temporary situation. These realisations are the most painful thing I have ever endured and there isn’t a pain killer in the world that will ease it. It’s just time. My daughter is a very active type and is always on the go with 5 kids, 3 dogs and a full time job but when we lost her dad she took to her bed and couldn’t do anything. If you feel the need to stay in bed then do so! It’s impossible to ‘pull yourself together’. In effect, you have lost your life as you knew it. A new one has been forced on you that you don’t want. I know it sounds clichéd but time really does ease the pain somewhat. It will always be hard and painful but it won’t always be as acute and raw as it is now. It’s very early days for you and you must do whatever you need to do to get through it. Stay in bed all day if you wish! Why shouldn’t you? Look after yourself in these early days. Treat yourself like you are in Intensive Care. I wish I could ease your pain for you. Be sure that we all know what you are going through and can sincerely feel your pain. Keep posting and reading on here and I really hope it offers you some comfort. Love and strength to you. Jean xx.
Hey Im so sorry about your loss. I am also 4 weeks in, in 3 days it will be a month since I lost my partner and I literally just finished crying as Im writing this its 5am and I cant sleep. Ive also been giving myself a headache. Hes always on my mind. I hear with time it gets easier and I really hope so. I love him I always will but I cant go on feeling this pain I wont make it. I too sometimes want to follow but I think about putting this pain on anyone that loves me and I have to delay it for as long as I can because I wouldnt even wish this grief on my worst enemy. You will get through it. Im saying this with hope to you so I belive it too
It does get easier. I guess at some point you will get fed up of the crying and dark days. You will decide whether you will remain in the dark hole or you will climb out and start living again. All be it different, it’s a life that you can have that your partner didn’t get the chance to have.
I still have days and moments where it’s really hard and I give in to tears. But they don’t last long these days. I do feel I owe it to my partner to have a life as he’ll be annoyed that I’m not living mine, as he would love to live his.
Please just do you. You may suddenly find one day, you don’t want to continue being miserable. I hope that day comes for you for all of the people that are suffering such dark days x
4 weeks is such early days @LostLil. I think at that stage you are still in shock of what’s happened. I just felt numb and exhausted so if you need to sleep do.
I found a morning routine of making myself shower and get dressed helped me cope albeit sometimes my morning could be 1pm if I am having a really bad day. I know it sounds basic but making myself get dressed meant I was less likely to go back to bed even if that’s all I wanted to do.
I’m now week 10 and I still struggle with mornings but not as much as in the early days. Lighter mornings help! I would still give anything to have my old life back but know I can’t.
I have heard a lot of people say you never get over the grief , but you learn to build a new life around it. One analogy was a jar with a ball in it. Grief being the ball.and the jar being your life. At the beginning the ball fills the whole jar. The ball never gets smaller but over time the jar gets bigger. I so hope that’s true.
Stay strong and allow yourself time to grieve xx
I too am at the 4 week stage. I’ve spent days that have just disappeared searching the internet for someone/something to make sense of a sudden death.
Today I decided not to Google anything and to try to focus on positives. 4 phone calls from the funeral directors later and I’m back in my normal state of emotional exhaustion. I never knew I could cry so painfully. Holiday brochures arrive and go straight in the bin which is where my life seems to have gone.
Like others I am due back at work in 2 weeks, but at the moment just getting up is all I can manage. I’m usually the positive person for everyone but I can’t see me ever being that person again.
Oh @Tiffany, I feel your pain so acutely. I suffered the same. My husband died suddenly and unexpectedly in November and how I made it through the first few days, weeks, months I will never know! But gradually life creeps in to give you hope. Life and your body will not allow you to feel such acute pain forever. I’m now at just over 5 months and the tears still come but not as often and not as painfully. Don’t try to stem your tears or your pain, they are needed for you to be able to cope. I hope you have someone who you can talk freely to about what’s going through your head. We are all here for the same reason and we are here to support and listen to you. Use us. Love and strength to you. Jean xx.
@Tiffany
4 weeks is very early and you seem to be following the natural course.
It’s so hard and raw but it does get easier.
I’m 10 weeks in, having lost my partner suddenly and unexpectedly. He went out with friends for his usual bike ride and never can home. At the end of the ride, he said he felt faint and just died. Nothing could be done. 49 years old!
Yes it’s incredibly painful but it does get manageable.
Best wishes to you and use this site when ever you need. The community her is very supportive and we’ve all been there x
So sorry for your loss, it’s horrendous isn’t it
I too have spent days trawling the Internet trying to make sense of life and death. I don’t think there is any sense in it tbh. I think it’s just a random senseless world. I became obsessed with life after death but I’ve given up on that idea now. I just don’t understand what the point in life is, it’s just so full of heartbreak and suffering.
I’m going to try going back to work the first week of May, I know it’s too soon because I’m an emotional wreck but I can’t stay like this much longer. I’m making myself ill and I know there’s absolutely nothing I can do to bring him back
I also worry that I’m never going to be the same person I was again, I was always quite happy and carefree, never stressed about things but now I’m anxious and withdrawn. Is this me now?
My husband died very suddenly at the beginning of December. Like you I was lost, distraught and the thought of going back to work terrified me. I went back at the beginning of Jan on a phased return so I do mornings only. I found it very hard at first but it has done me so much good. I have to get up in the mornings and going back to the familiar routine was quite comforting in a strange way. I’m 5 months in and still find mornings difficult by the afternoon things seem more manageable. You can always try going back to work and if you find you can’t manage maybe you could take more time off.
Take it at your own pace there is no rule book and grief is different for everyone.
Im so sorry for your loss , im week 11 and the pain is still very raw, only now the realisation of him not returning is actually hitting me, my husband died aged 43 in his sleep a fit and healthy person , never woke up. Take one hour at a time be kind to yourself . And do what feels right for you
Oh I’m so sorry for your loss
Was it his heart? What is it with all these fit young men just dying so suddenly
Yes the realisation that this is indeed final is hitting me more now than it did in the beginning. The funeral is next week so I’m absolutely terrified how I’m going to be after that. There really is no more final than that I don’t think
Hi yes he had a heart attack never had any issues before use to go to the gym 3 times a week. The lead up the the funeral will bring its own anxiety. I found it difficult after every one stopped coming and i feel at week 11 to just get on with it. People don’t understand the pain caused when u lose a life partner
Yes I know what you mean when people stop coming around. I’ve seen it happen with my OH’S mam when she lost his dad, lots of people came until after the funeral then everyone went back to normal and she found it hard. That’s the reason I wouldn’t stay down his families or let anyone stay with me. I’m terrible company right now anyway and living alone is something I have to get used to now unfortunately.
It’s true that people don’t understand unless they have been through it themselves. I’m guilty of not realising how it feels myself. I could never have imagined it would be this hard
There is an awful lot of fit young men with undiagnosed heart problems, whats going on.my 47 yr old hubby passed away last october ftom a heart attack.
@LostLil im thinking of you next week at the funeral, i hope you have good friends and family to support you through, and take it easy afterwards, the days after are horrific.
you certainly know who your good friends are. 6 mths of crying, meltdowns and not being the person i was before and i still have good friends who come round, though i think that might be due to my cute rescue dog!
So sorry about your husband, ive joined youngand widowed, it a charity that offers befriending for people who have lost loved ones young