That is so true and so simple. I close my eyes and I can see my H laughing x
It’s lovely. I’ve seen it before.
Lots of Donna Ashworth’s poems are lovely, and explain how lots of our feeling.
Thank you for thinking of us all, and sharing it.
im missing him so much at the moment. I feel.like ive gone backwards is it the weather ? I dunno but i think i want to move house ? Just dunno where yet ? I just cant get happy with anything i do ! X
@Deb5 I’m so sorry you’re feeling so awful. I remember back to August when I lost my love, I hated my house, I wanted to put it on the market and move!
I’m so glad now that I didn’t. I think it’s a knee jerk reaction; like me, it was that thought, if I move, the pain won’t come with me…
I’m now doing lots of renovations, honestly, not in a million years did I ever think this would be possible; my view is now; if the house is sitting perfect, & if I see another property that I love, then I can move…
Martin and I had decided to move this year, we wanted to move to the countryside; I won’t do that now, I would be so scared to live on my own in the middle of nowhere!
But, I do think the weather isn’t helping though! I tend to shy away from the Sunshine, I would rather it was dull and raining, that’s how I feel inside. It’s just that reminder of holidays, sitting in the garden, going for lovely evening walks… it’s just crap…
Keep posting, this site is amazing and very supportive.
I think it is a knee jerk reaction. I’ve done the exact same , constantly looking at houses. We were doing to get the house done this year so I’m still going up donut but maybe not as full on , juzt do it’s ready IF I do decide to move .
I change my mind constantly it hurts so much he’s not here but would I feel better if I moved ? We bought this from brand new 27 years ago and we were so happy , there’s a lifetime if memories here & mostly great neighbours a lot who have also been here as long , so for now , I’ll stay put into the time, if ever feels right .
Lots of love to you both xxx
Thanks @Dottie72 bless you … i felt like that after funeral - then it went - i just hid from people and it was winter ( december) when my husband passed - but its come back again - that feeling of just wanting to run away and start all over again! I dunno if i want to be around people who all know my husband has passed away xx
@Deb5 @PollyjaneW Yes, I totally get you both. I’m finding myself now really not wanting to move! It’s silly as we were both so looking forward to a country lifestyle!
That’s what I find heartbreaking, I found a file on Martin’s Laptop “Dream Properties “ it absolutely broke my heart… it was all the properties I had seen and pinged to him via email, plus a few additions from him! It amazed me just how similar our style was/is ( hard to say that)
Martin and I loved and shared so many things, it’s hard to imagine living in a home were he never was physically….
I suppose time will tell…
Big hugs to you both and @PollyjaneW praying you enjoy your holiday (a tad)
Yeh know what you mean knowing he was here gives me peace too ! Its other prople around me that im so fed up with … i find some people so plastic … they think they understand but they don’t really … they no idea how heartbreaking it is i loved my husband so much ! I didn’t want him to go … it wasnt like a divorce
And omg my daughters who is talking to me a bit has just told me that the reason my other 2 kids arent speaking to me is cos they grieving as well for their dad ! How is that relevant - so am i ? And what an excuse to just blank your mother for 4 months !!!
@Deb5 Oh my goodness! I just can’t comprehend how your children are not supporting you?! … that is just utterly heartbreaking; I remember when we lost Daddy ( I was 22) my poor Mummy was devastated.
Myself and my two brothers did anything and everything to try to make her feel better, but being so young, we really didn’t understand (Oh Lord, I do understand now)
I remember coming back to my parents house one evening, there was a thunder storm; I found my wee Mum sitting on the stairs, terrified… it broke my heart! I got her into bed, made Hot Chocolate, climbed into bed beside her, popped the TV on, and made her laugh, that’s what children are supposed to do!
Martin & I never had children but, Martins father passed a year before him…… his poor Mum, losing a husband and then her baby! I must say, all of Martins siblings, including myself and my two brothers, have supported her as much as possible…
My heart breaks for you…reach out to me anytime…
Awvthats really lovely ive had so little support from my family ! They really have been shocking and i told my daughter tonight that her dad would turn in his grave because he told people to look after me ! She said thats not acceptable ! Yes it is cos its true ! I just dont know what planet they’re all on ! I didnt bring them up to be like this … they just got away with too much over the years … ;(
@Deb5 You need to start looking after YOU! This is too much and honestly, enough to break anyone.
Can I ask what ages your children are? I find the youth of today have absolutely no respect for anything & anyone!
I’m sure your lovely husband would be so upset! This is the time you need all the support you can muster! Your children should be there, no questions or debates…
I’m so sorry you’re going through this…
Thank you dottie … i agree with you ! But try telling them that ! They know it all they do ! Like you say this generation of kids are pretty revolting tbf … i could never treat my mother like that
It is making my grieving so much harder and this is why i might move a long way away you see … x
Oh and my kids are in their 30’ s … not babies !
@Deb5 Okay, you need to focus on you, not them. They are draining you of the energy you need to just function at a basic level!
I couldn’t cope with this personally, on top of the monumental grief of losing your love…
You maybe need a bit if distance for now. I would love to physically shake some people!
One day they will realise what they have put their Mother through; at the must soul shattering time, at her lowest ebb, when she needed you the most…
God bless you, honestly take a step back for now and you be the selfish one!!
Big, big hugs
Yeh thanks @Dottie72 i am trying to look after myself honestly i am. Its just hard going through all this alone … without any fsmily helping me ;( the hypocrites were all there at the end but since funeral i have been ignored ! How can people be so hypocritical ? I feel better for saying all this out loud. Thanks. Gonna be selfish and look after me dont worry ! Xx
@Deb5 You are never, ever alone❤️; everyone on this site is amazing; I rarely hear from anyone! But like you, I honestly think people avoid me because it’s all to “close to home” for them! I’m the only one in my “group” who had been Widowed ( hate that word) and I really think it freaks them out!
They don’t want to face the facts; yes there is a 50% chance this will be you!
You focus on YOU not THEM, you deserve so much better ( you brought them into this world) one day they will really regret their actions…
Big, big hugs
Exactly that’s what i said tonight ! I damn well brought you into this world ! How dare they ! They wouldnt even been here if not for their mother and father ! Its an attitude problem they have ! A big fat attitude problem ! I been a good mother and theyre all successful so how damn well dare they !! God bless anyway and yeh i dunno why people wanna hide away from it ! Its pathetic cos gonna happen to them sooner or later ! But i just find that lot of people i know generally just dont get it ! And yeh thank god for this site where we can all be honest about our feelings xxx
@Deb5 Start tonight to just think about you and your lovely husband…… I know they are your children, but picture it with just you and him. Let that be your “ happy place” where you go to when you are feeling overwhelmed; that’s what I do; I just imagine me and Martin, no one else… my Martin was my safe place… he still is…
Yeh same here … my husband was my happy place too he was my safety net but now my safety net has gone and its so tough. I dont usually think about my kids but tonight i just felt angry about them … i always think about my husband. We managed to tell each other we loved each other at the end … im glad we did … i hope he knows after all my tears how much i loved him - if he can see me ? I do believe his spirit is still here though … i can feel it wash over me sometimes. He didnt want to go he loved life ! Thats what makes it so hard to deal with - i said to him a few days before he passed - i dont want you to go and he said i dont want to go either x