FRIENDS

Coping with bereavement
1

I dont know if anyone has experienced this but i am finding if i dont reach out to my friends even just to chat i dont hear anything

Noone even bothers to text or phone me to see how i am doing or if i need anythimg except for 1 friend every couple of weeks snd 1 neighbour

They all have husbands and are busy but i feel i am being forgotten.

They all know i am sick and need surgery but i do not get as much as a phone call

1 am always the one calling or texting.

Any advice?

eks and 1 neighbour

2 Likes
2

I’m exactly the same, have lost a lot of friends since I lost my son in March to a drugs overdose, plus ones come out of the wood work just wanting to find out all the details, my so called best friend constantly moans about her health, never asks how I am or how I coped at the inquest a few weeks ago, to be honest I prefer my own company and I have this site as my lifeline. Can’t really give much advice sorry on this. I have changed so much that I can’t and won’t put up with what I call petty things. What we go through on this grief journey is hell. Take care

2 Likes
3

you are not alone, in being surprised by people.
if you have friends you really like, share your fears about whatever is happening. sometimes it is true that they cannot read our mind.

4

So very true with what you have said, thank you.

1 Like
5

Yes since the funeral , most people local no longer contact me its been 2 that ive not seen for 7 years that check in with me more often. Though with others they ask how you are and i reply truthfully, dont think they wanted that answer

6

I am sorry you are experiencing this

I can relate, I’ve similar. For me it’s as though people forget, or think, it’s been a while now so you should be over it or simply people are too busy or caught up with their own lives to think about others

Whatever it is, can leave me at least feeling forgotten or like no one cares

You post has made me think about the importance of routines in community and being known by others and people asking how you are, even if it’s light touch and in passing. It can make such a difference

With that in mind; how are you today?

7

Yeh, it’s like people ask and you’re meant to give them an answer that makes them feel ok!

8

Sorry to read about loss of your son

I could relate to people calling more to get an update rather than genuine care, that has been hurtful

Also appreciate what you said about changing. I think I have irrevocably changed and becoming ruthless at worst or discerning at best, about what I have space and time for and don’t. I think grief is somewhat of a refiner

9

I hardly see anyone, I live in a small village and all they like to do is gossip and think they know my business and how I should be feeling. They don’t have a clue and I don’t want to share with them how I feel to be honest. I share on here how I feel as I’m not judged or criticised for how I am doing, and what I should be doing. I just can’t be bothered with people the majority of the time.

10

that is interesting. I imagine a small English village would be like that.
versus the anonymity of a large city. neither is pleasing.
but among them, are a nice few who are ethical who do care.
but finding consistent friends is always the challenge. people do assume how YOU should feel. when all they need to do is kindly listen. if more people allowed others their feelings, we would not be in the mess in the world we are in.

1 Like