@seychelles I definitely take comfort from what you say as have been feeling guilty, but I need to protect myself . This is hard enough as it is without friends who let you down.
@Sophie8 @Steven @seychelles @flowergarden
At least we all know itâs not just us is it! Losing my Mum is so devastating for me the worst grief Iâve ever felt. I realising now that not everyoneâs level of grief is the same depending on the depth and strength of the relationship you had and I think this is why a lot just expect us to pick up and carry on.
We do all need to keep ourselves protected and talking of texts, texts just arenât enough at times are they.
I also remember Steven when my dad died many years ago my lovely Mum was on her own and when he was alive they used to go to a local club. Once Dad died I remember Mum saying people were different towards her, like you no longer fit in
because she was on her own. Mum felt like she was seen as a threat to other peopleâs husbands which was absolutely ridiculous, Mum wasnât that type of woman.
Sophie, I agree getting quotes on a car repair and missing being with you speaks volumes doesnât it.
Itâs definitely a time for change, a different chapter and we do have to think about ourselves going forward and be thankful for the ones who have stuck by us. Like my Mum would say âchuff the restâ!
Itâs helpful to post at least you donât feel like youâre going completely mad in how youâre feeling. Hugs to all 
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Thank you @Rainbow11 donât get me wrong in decased past we were not so close and mum had difficulties with depression and alcohol, but I wanted to make sure I took care of mum when she needed me. The last 5 years have been full of worry and intense but I made sure I was her safe person, tried to not be too busy when she rang, he had me on speed dial. It was not easy with the alzheimers worsening this year, but I never expected this. I think alot of people will think I am relieved, as they often heard me explain the latest, how hard it is. But the truth is much more complex because I was like a parent and a child to her, I feel like I am suffering 2 losses all at once.
I do feel immense guilt that my days are free-er now, calmer, nothing ahead of me, I have no idea who I am.
Until any of my friends lose their mum they wonât understand, I do not wish it on anyone but itâs a lonely journey unless you have pages like this.
Thank you for being there.
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@Sophie8
You sound like you did the very best you could for your Mum and the situation you were in being the daughter but also like a parent your grief is not straightforward.
I agree itâs a lonely journey, I miss my Mum in my life so much I talk to her though.
Thank you too for being there x
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Hi Sophie,
You have to put yourself first from now on. Your own health and wellbeing is more important than a few friends and in a few months time you will get stronger and realise it. Take comfort from friends on here as they are more friends to you than physical so called ones.
Deborah x
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@Rainbow11 @seychelles thank you. Itâs so hard some days, I just want a cuddle with mum. Thank you for understanding.
Personally Iâm not a huggy type of person lol
@Sophie8 @seychelles @flowergarden @Steven
Hi everyone, just wondered how you all are? Iâm trying my best to keep busy and doing things but cry at some point every day. Iâve started some counselling which I think is helpful.
I hope the counselling helps you. Keeping busy is good
Hi Rainbow11,
Keep going with the counselling. Try anything in the hope it helps.
I am doing okish. Some days better than others like everyone on here I guess.
Itâs so tough.
Its tough carrying on without my mum. Whatever I say to myself like sheâs here by my side, sheâs looking down on us, sheâs with me wherever I ho in spirit just isnât the same. I just want her physically there with me and thatâs when the pain in my heart hits hard knowing thatâs never going to happen again. The realisation that this is final is overpowering.
I try to set myself targets for each day and make them realistic. I very often get through them. When I look back and think in the beginning one of my targets was simply getting out of bed or making a cuppa. I donât know how I got through it. Well I do know.It was this site that kept me going from one hour to the next, then each day and so on. Amazing people on here helping other people when they struggle themselves. I shall forever be grateful.
Keep going Rainbow.
Thinking of you and everyone
Love Deborah x
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@seychelles @Eponine
Hey, I know what you mean. I am really trying everything and anything that means I am trying to help myself move forward, but itâs hard. In the car today I was upset that the passenger seat didnât have my Mum in it. I too just keep thinking I am getting up each day and surviving the day. The price you pay for love eh itâs excruciating. Youâre right thank goodness for the people on here who you feel understand a part of you in your daily grief. Thank you x
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Aww rainbow you are not alone but even those words dont help much.
I am struggling big time at the moment so I understand.
I am not sleeping at all so turn to this site at all stupid hours of the night. I always know I have someone to talk to on here and that people understand.
Thinking of you
Deborah x
@rainbow11 @Heartbroken1937 @seychelles
Hi, I have been away and just catching up on your messages.
Found is hard being away as couldnât cry around hubby and my son so bottled up feelings a bit as to not ruin the feelings. Today has been a relief to be back and be able to cry, meditate and sit in quiet space alone. Donât get me wrong lovely to be away but I need space on my own so much now.
Can relate to the comment about the car seat, I used to take mum shopping every Fri pretty much weâd go to Lidl, oh what I wouldnât give to be able to fasten in her seatbelt to keep her safe again. Sitting in tears here just thinking about it.
It good news I have been offered counselling by Sue Ryder now so have booked my first assessment. Kind of dreading it, and Autumn/Winter in general, as it feels like I wonât have distractions anymore.
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Hi Sophie,
Really glad to hear you have got counselling.
My sessions especially the early ones were very difficult but itâs so worth persevering as I am in a far better place now and a lot of that is down to my councillor.
Totally agree the Autumn & Winter months make life more difficult.
I am trying to establish a routine now so I can keep it up over the winter!
Itâs the little things like putting a seat belt on that can upset you isnât it!
Have you thought about volunteering?
Not sure how you would feel about taking someone else for a weekly shop or if this would be too painful?
Take care and good luck with the Counselling.
Yes let down all the time and yes forgive what else can you do? Yes get upset but in end we all need forgiveness. Donât really know reasons entirely sometimes things do happen and never say never wouldnât happen to us even if we didnât mean to do so.
@Sophie8
Hi there, it must have been so difficult bottling it up whilst you were away. I understand why youâve done that and I wish I could maybe do that a bit but I just canât hold back the tears and they appear from nowhere in seconds, just from a a little thought and they are there.
Re: passenger seat, I used to always hold the door open, make sure Mum was in and Iâd get the seat belt and pull it round ready for her to fasten. Tears have sprung just writing this.
Good to hear youâve got your counselling Iâm sure this should help just let everything out.
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@Heartbroken1937 in time maybe I would be able to volunteer or take someone shopping but for now it would break me i think
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