Matt’s funeral was last Friday and because he had been gone for a month before we finally laid him to rest we had lots of time to really plan something beautiful and fitting. It was non-religious with beautiful music beautiful poetry and 2 beautiful and poignant eulogies by our children. Literally everyone came out of it crying and hugging etc. But then just as I was about to get in the car to go to the wake a woman that he worked with literally galloped across the lawn and proceeded to giddily tell me how she loved working with him as he was always the life and soul of the party (what party?) and he never took life too seriously. Well I was so taken aback I didn’t know what to say to her. Up to that point my head was full of the beautiful service etc . Thing is, he’d always said he hated his job I always felt guilty that he had to go and do a job he hated and now I want to have it out with him! My stomach is churning and I hate the way I feel. God how I wish she’d kept her mouth shut!
@Juniper19 maybe she was intentionally trying to cause an issue , there are some weird sick people in this world . I realise it’s impossible to get it out of your mind because it was so recent and inappropriate. I can understand you wanting to have it out with him but she sounds like she was just causing trouble. ( which she has ) . I’m sorry my reply is pretty inadequate but she sounds a bit nuts to me . Can you put her out of your mind do you think xxx
@Juniper19 people don’t know how to handle these things and think they are trying to lift your spirits while doing the exact opposite
I wouldn’t put too much stock in it or start overthinking he was having time of his life while saying he hated it - is it more likely she didn’t know what to say but felt she had to say something uplifting or that he loved his job and was just telling you he hated it?
I think the former
@Juniper19 please don’t read too much into this. Concentrate on the man you know and loved and the wonderful sendoff you have just given him. Let what she said be interpreted as her trying to say that he was a great guy who she enjoyed working with and who made the work place an enjoyable place for the other workers. People often struggle to find the right words and in your grieving time often it is possible things can be misinterpreted. 
@Juniper19 Looking at this objectively it doesn’t appear as if the person was aware of your husbands hatred of his job and it seems the intention was to pay him and yourself a compliment, that he brightened the atmosphere of the workplace. I’ve had jobs in the past that I’ve loathed but it didn’t mean that it followed that I hated my co-workers or that I walked around in misery the entire time I was there. It sounds as if your husband made the best of a bad situation and other people appreciated that.
This is horrible for you but I seriously wouldn’t worry about it. I hate my job but I don’t hate everyone there and I know most of them would describe me as funny and happy. When inside I’m growling and counting the minutes to home time! Easy for me to say but please try not to overthink it because it will drive you mad. I have found a couple of things about Alan that I didn’t know. Nothing earth shattering just stuff he hadn’t mentioned. But, do you know what, it really doesn’t matter. He was the love of my life and nothing will ever change that. Take care x
Hi @Juniper19
You said it yourself my darling in the title…one silly person.
Take it at that level … She was just silly…
As others have said, people really don’t know what to say to people grieving , and often usually with good intentions say the wrong thing, without realising the negative impact it can.
Just think if she , or other colleagues had come and told you ‘your husband was so miserable at work, it was horrible working with him’ that would have been worse. But I totally get the best thing for you would have been for her to say nothing at all. And leave you in peace with your close family immediately after the service
Try and forget her … She was just silly, very silly.
Love and hugs to you and your children 
Thanks @Ladysuisei6 your reply is far from inadequate I felt the same way - nuts! My problem is I obsess over things but I’ll try to wipe her stupid comments from my mind if I can x
@Juniper19 yes there’s always people like this in life who are determined to cause a bit of trouble. Nuts was the first thing that popped into my head - rushing over like that to you was completely inappropriate xxx
Thanks @Ilovehorses - funnily enough there was one of his childhood sweethearts at the funeral who wrote something like ‘sleep now dear friend’ in the condolence book and that also peed me off because a) he died at age 61 and that’s the kind of thing you say to old people when they eventually pass away and b) she hadn’t spoken to him (to my knowledge anyway) for over 40 years…she made it sound like they’d been the best of friends all this time maybe in her head they had been! I’m just an emotional wreck right now and it doesn’t take much to get me riled!
@Ladysuisei6 - well as I said I was just about to get back in the car and my children were a bit perplexed even the funeral woman was kind of glancing at her watch wondering when she was going to stop babbling. There’s a HR lady from the job due to come and collect his laptop and bits and bobs and I’m sorely tempted to say that since that silly woman was at the funeral as part of the work delegation perhaps she could pass on a gentle reminder that there is such a thing as protocol at funerals, the service itself is meant a be a solemn occasion where goodbyes are said funny/ heartwarming stories are meant to be saved for later. Rushing up to the grieving widow who has just stepped out of the crem is considered by most to be very inappropriate - and to be honest not just the comment about the life and sould of the party the bit where she wrote ‘and what was great about him was that he didn’t take life too seriously’ Just as well, I feel like screaming because he’s now bloody well dead! Oh what a hoot he’s find that hey, you bat s**t crazy person!
Please don’t take any notice of her. I don’t think for one minute she was deliberately trying to upset you or be inappropriate, she just had no idea in her head of etiquette or of how to be appropriate. I know for a fact that my husband hates his job - he whinges about it all the time. But I also know he is well liked and has lots of friends there. He is part of the daily banter and gets on well with people. She probably saw that side of your husband. I doubt very much he was miserable to everyone whilst he was at work. She is probably one of those ‘drama-llamas’ who need to be part of any tragedy and likes to be seen to be publicly part of it all.
She is not part of your life - she didn’t know the real him, only saw him in a work environment. Don’t let her get to you, the funeral was what you needed it to be, it was for you and your family, not for her. She’s very likely got no idea she was inappropriate and if you let her faux pas get to you it is only going to spoil your memories. Let it go, she is nothing to you and you are the bigger person here. You have enough to deal with now getting though your and your family’s grief xx
@Juniper19
Look at it this way. You knew your husband day in and day out. She worked with him a few hours a day. For her to ‘gallop’ up to you and say things like that, it seems to me that she is trying to stir the pot!!
Probably one of lifes gossips with nothing better to do. Dont let the ramblings of an idiot spoil the memories of what surely was a beautiful day.
Love and light to you,
David.
My sister in law was demanding sues cross and chain that my wife sue always wore and i,ve only just been informed that my sister in law was planning to open sues coffin at the Crematorium and was kept away from the coffin by family members and the undertakers .plus at the wake she started saying the day was about her and not her excuse language and not fecking sue .also sent me pictures of sue in her coffin and for that i will never ever forgive Denise my sister in law. She reduced my daughter aderlaide to tears
Thanks @David67 I’ll try not to but it’s hard because all memories of the day seem to distil into that one moment. You’re saying what I know my husband would have said my problem is I get hurt so very quickly I need to work on my emotional resilience, especially now.
@Martyn2 yeah no words - often think about people these days, my partner died and you’re still here - where’s the justice in life
@Martyn2 Jesus Christ , that is the most shocking post I’ve read on here I think .
Take care xxx
@Juniper19 just remember how the funeral went as it’s sounds like it was a beautiful send off. Your husband would be so proud of you. I’m sure that this lady didn’t mean to hurt you… she most probably thought that your husband was a nice guy… and thought she was trying to help you about saying something nice about your husband. Don’t let that comment over ride your husband special day. X
