So my wife and me were big gamers. I’m looking at our games and I’m wanting to try a couple. Red Dead R probably. But I really can’t decide if it’s a good idea. Gaming has definitely been a big part of getting me here today. Early days of Stardew Valley then Zelda and Dredge. Days of it. But it was a good release, a step away. But something like Red Dead R, I’m just not sure, it was such a personal space that we discovered together, endless nights in front of the screen, both blown away by what we were getting to do. I want to go back but it’s going to be a scary place to be at first. Anyone know where I’m coming from? I know this is going to be a bit of a niche post but I thought I’d give it a shot.
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@Walan Hi from a fellow gamer
My husband and I were both lifelong gamers and felt so lucky to have found someone with a niche interest.
So many nights spent side by side, more often than not Chris on the Xbox and me on the Switch. We both loved similar games but also had our own tastes too. We didn’t play co-op that often, both preferring single player. We both played games on Xbox, PlayStation and Switch.
I found it hard at first to even contemplate gaming again but realised that it’s a part of me which I couldn’t give up.
I’m not sure what platform you game on and your preferred genre, but if you’re interested in single player then I’d highly recommend Red Dead Redemption if you’ve not played it. It’s got an amazing storyline which will keep you engaged for many, many hours.
More than happy to recommend others.
Well that’s me proved wrong, I thought I had no chance of connection with that post! YEah we gamed obsessively from when we met back in the late 90’s. I had a PlayStation 2 (chipped), so many long, long nights on Colin macrae and resident evil. We kept playing all the way through our relationship, it was Red Dead I was talking of above, bought on release and played obsessively. We would play together turn about, we both loved it so much, the landscapes are just eye watering and as you say the story was a real game changer we thought. But I’m apprehensive going back into that space, so many good times, the bear in the cabin as you open the door! The white Arabian stallion my wife managed to drown in a mountain stream! I know I’ll go back but just think it might be really lonely, but I’ve been wrong about these things before when facing spaces I’ve been avoiding, often to my benefit emotionally.
I watched the last of Us lately and was really moved by how I related to it, it was so personal as the only time I’d experienced it before was through play and with me and my wife debating the approaches. Another I will go back to but it wil definitely take a while for that one. Probably our all time favourite, 1&2.
I guess it’s just something I’d never really thought of until my wife died, how personal these spaces are, just as real as going to Spain on holiday, just as sad to go back to.
Thanks for replying. It’s nice to get these things out there
Still with the PlayStation but I’ve got a steam deck and switch as well.
@Walan I never forget in Red Dead managing to get the trophy/hunter outfit for killing a cougar with a stick of dynamite. In sheer panic riding away on horseback with it chasing and throwing dynamite and by some fluke managing to blow the cougar up - makes me chuckle even to this day.
Also the first Resident Evil when the dogs jump through the windows in the corridor. We both jumped in panic and the controller and a cup of coffee went flying - never been that scared in a game again until playing Dead Space.
There’s no rush for you to game, it’s good that you’re thinking of it though as it shows you’re trying to find a bit of you again. I know it will be difficult, it still is for me and I avoid some games, but don’t put pressure on yourself.
I started just by switching the console on, then the next time I logged into my account, then started with just 5 minutes of gaming and built up from there.
Let’s keep in touch and share our passion for gaming on here. We can encourage each other and comment on what we’re playing.
I have never played any of the games you mention, but I have been playing Solitaire online, not anywhere near as grand as yours, but it has helped pass a few minutes when feeling really down.
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Aye been there RDR, run away, run away. I’s making me chuckle too
And resident evil dogs through window. When I first met my wife I had already played a bit of the game and knew what was coming, just before the dogs I offered to make tea and slipped off to the kitchen and laughed myself silly as she screamed in horror, then her laughing “you bloody knew that was coming you twat!” It was the start of a beautiful relationship. As with you still laughing at it today.
Yeah you’re right I’ll just relax and let it come to me. I’m back playing just not things we played together. Creed Valhalla at the mo but it’s just not my thing. Looking forward to Starfield but don’t have an Xbox so hoping the steam deck can handle it. Also was reading about ‘Pacific Drive’ yesterday and looks like a game id get lost in for a bit.
As you say let’s keep in touch, it’s been really good to talk about gaming with someone! I have some good close friends but none of them are in any way gamers, and any gamers I do know are all lost to their children and haven’t played seriously in years. Glad I posted now, nice one!
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@LonelyPanda was out for a long walk, in the rain, and thinking of gaming and smiling a lot, so thank you for that! Also I was wondering if you’ve read “Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow by Gabrielle Zevin”? It’s a really lovely novel about friendship, life and loss, centred on the creation of games. I read it last year when my wife was ill and it really moved me, I think I might go back and read it again now.
@Walan I’m so pleased that you were able to smile and I’m glad that you shared that with me. Gaming has always been one of the things which has kept me on an even keel.
I haven’t heard of that novel and will add that to my reading list.
I’ve had a relaxing afternoon and just finished playing Xenoblade Chronicles 3 on the Switch - a total of 125 hours invested and loved every minute of it. I think it’s time for some Monster Hunter next.
Hope you have a restful evening.
Hmm never tried Xenoblade and it’s not my normal thing but then again neither was cult of the lamb and I had fun with that. Was there some kind of weird crossover with Xenoblade and Zelda, I seem to vaguely remember it cropping up in a very odd way in BOTW but my memory is shot these days. And
Monster Hunter is one that I’ve heard lots about but never got to, have to give it a try out, might just be next on my list as nothing better to play tbh. Aye the book is definitely worth a read!
In RDR did you get drawn into that weird map thing that was on the bodies of a dead couple high up in a snowy pass? it lead to the mountains and then a really weird ufo turns up? Me and my wife got totally obsessed by it, we were even triangulating ‘evidence’ on print outs of the map, I’m sure it turned out to be some kind of red herring! 
I gave up on BOTW. I found the combat very clumsy so didn’t get far enough to see the Xeno crossover.
I remember a UFO in Red Dead 2. I’m sure it was put in by Rockstar as one of their in-jokes and they do tend to plant a UFO in their games - just like the one at Mt Chiliad in GTA 5.
It’s so easy to get obsessed with games isn’t it. Years ago with RPGs on the Commodore and Mega Drive I used to draw the levels out on graph paper. The long ago days before in-game maps
If you decide to play Monster Hunter the latest one, Rise, is okay but not one of the best. Generations Ultimate is great. I think I put about 200 hours into that one.
Drawing maps out, man I remember that Then again I remember, pong, Ataris, spectrums! I went away from gaming a bit in the early 90’s and my mind was blown when a friend showed me GTA on PS2. And that was it for me and then my wife came along and off we went. Thanks for the Monster Hunter heads up, I’ll have a look at that.
I started off with Commodore 64, then Atari ST, followed by Spectrum.
I’ve never stopped gaming and couldn’t imagine life without it. My mind was blown when Chris and I got the PS1. We spent hours on the demo disc which had a manta ray and t rex. First game on that was Tomb Raider. We raved over the water, just wavy blue squares but groundbreaking for its time.
Tomb raider 2 was the earliest we played. Discovering the button combos was quite a night, swan dives off cliffs for an eternity. I remember my wife and I walking across Glasgow to look at the walk through book in Virgin, those heady pre internet days
Just thinking about my OP and about how I was apprehensive about moving into such a different personal space. But chatting about it I’m realising the magic of the space games provide, that they offer a unique experience, a personal and public arena. As we’ve chatted on here it’s become apparent that we share many similar anecdotes and experiences yet we’ve never met. But we’ve moved through the same worlds, seen the same things. We can share our memories of our partners and how they experienced those places with us. It’s given me a new way of looking at what I’m going through, why my wife and I shared a love of these spaces, where my wife resides in those spaces and how I can approach that and bring it into my present. It’s given me a lot to think through, in a very good way.
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Been doing the dishes and thinking of spectrums, And I remembered a little story I heard:
The first spectrums were made in Dundee in the 80’s. The factory employed a lot of people, apparently there were a lot of children that woke up on xmas morning with lovely brand new spectrums, without the box. Factory ‘seconds’ if you will. This led to an explosion of gamers in the 80’s in dundee and subsequently the forming of the company that made the first top down GTA. The rest as they say …
Thank you for sharing the story about Spectrums and how it evolved. I must admit I hadn’t read that before and has made me want to dig further into the history.
Gaming is unique and provides a bond between all players. It’s knowing that we’ve shared the same space, experienced the highs and lows of stories within games and how we each relate to those events. Also it builds new friendships in being able to recommend games, share fragments from previously played games and laugh at moments which have scared us senseless.
It brings me comfort if I play a game which my husband also played. I can picture him walking the same path, exploring the same worlds and his digital presence will exist forever in those worlds.
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Very well put, have to say I’m starting to build the courage to go back in. I seem to remember that The Last of Us has some kind of walk through mode, I think, when the mood takes me, I’m going to give that a go. My back garden is beginning to resemble those post apocalypse land scapes so I don’t think it will be too much of a shock.
I remember pong, atari, the commodore 64 and the speccy haha. When we were kids me and my brother were nintendo geeks. Then when i first met Bri he had a playstation so spent time playing worms together. At uni Bri spent alot of time on Doom and Civilisation almost to the detriment of him getting his degree. Over the years weve had the wii, the wii fit thingy and the rock band when friends came round. All good fun, ive thought about getting the wii out again, i love super mario, and super mario kart, not a proper gamer like you guys @LonelyPanda and @Walan haha. Xx
Hey skip, All ican say from my perspective is give it a go. I went immediately to games after my wifes funeral and just played for days, mainly Stardew Valley. It gave me somewhere to go that made sense, was a very gentle, and gave me breathing space when I most needed it. It’s the engagement you get with gaming that I found most useful, its active rather that passive so you have to put in some interactive effort. Another tool in the box for when you feel you just cant go on, much needed easy distraction. And yeah games have quite the reputation as ‘degree busters’, I speak from experience, me and my wife could have easily ended up there
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@Skip Hi Lou, I’d second what @Walan has said about giving gaming a go. You mention Mario Kart, and what a great game.
Gaming is definitely a good way of keeping the brain active, plus provides a distraction when your brain gets too caught up in grief and life in general. Gives me some much needed breathing space.
Both Chris and I had many late nights, saying we should go to bed because of work the next morning, but then saying “I’ll just get to the next checkpoint”.
I remember when Fallout 4 came out and we queued from 6am for Game to open so we could collect our limited edition version. Chris was meant to be working that day but called in sick telling his manager he had a stomach bug which was like nuclear fallout. All his workmates kept confirming to the manager that Chris was ill with fallout . The only time he pulled a sickie - gaming is so addictive.
Rachael
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