I have found doing gardening a little bit when I see something needs doing a help since I lost David three months ago. He couldn’t do it in the end and had to watch me. But it is therapeutic. Becsause we need a flymo and I mowed the front because I don’t want it to get out of hand. I feel so pleased when the bulbs he planted are appearing. Do other people feel same?
Hi @Enorac. I have quite a big back garden. David and I made it into a wildlife garden so we also have a large pond. He always cut the grass and did the strimming and any digging. I keep looking at it and thinking he will never do it again and it breaks my heart every time. I’ve been thinking about when it comes to planting up my pots too. We always did that together. I have a number of men in the family that will happily cut the grass for me but I keep putting it off. I’m so glad you’re finding it helpful and therapeutic. When I start on my pots I may feel the same but at the moment I’m just dreading it. Love and strength to you. Jean.
We only have a small back and front garden which wasn’t what we wanted when we got this house when we were young but we needed a house we could get at the time and it was always a regret as now now it is hard being overlooked but at least it isn’t a lot to do now I am on my own as I would have had to pay someone to do a big garden.
Even now I think that only this time last year he had pruned the bushes even struggling until couldn’t any more at the end and just had to sit the few days waiting to go into hospital. I can still see him sitting there watching me try to do it. I still haven’t managed to get rid of all the garden bags I filled and he mused to take them to the tip. He never wanted an ugly brown bin but I fear I will be forced to do something else.
@Jean8 I couldn’t touch the garden since my wife contracted Covid in July but in the last few weeks I have filled some planters at the front with violas and primroses which we’re my wife’s favourites and started clearing a bed of dead stems and leaves. Luckily I have it as a semi-wild area for wildlife so it is not as noticeable that I haven’t done anything. I did find it difficult to make the start but now I think it looks more cheerful and the planters lift my mood. It helps that my wife was never into gardening other than to sit at a table with her tea and cake and admire the plants or lie on a sun-bed. I do miss her telling me it is untidy compared to our neighbours who are what I call manicurist gardeners with tidy but more barren gardens though. It is something I find therapeutic watching the new season start with the bulbs especially. Love xx
Yes, @Enorac, I find gardening very therapeutic. We have a few acres of land, I obviously can’t manage it on my own, my kids help a little but they’re busy working or studying. I have to get a handyman to the heavy work, but that small amount I can do on my own is definitely a good outlet for me. Today it’s raining but yesterday morning it was sunny and I spent a few hours just sorting out our firewood shed and that helped keep my mind occupied, relieving me of some of my pain. Even just walking around nature is soothing and mind healing. I recommend it to everyone, even if it’s just going for a walk in a park.
Haven’t touched the garden since she passed 17 months ago feel guilty looking at its decline. She was the foreman and I did all the work loved doing it as it was such a kick seeing her delight at my work. I can’t see the point anymore. Glad you’re more positive than me. Keep enjoying.
@Tommy104 I walked past a right mess all winter. This made it all the more depressing to be at home. She would have hated that. The first move is the hardest, your head says what’s the point? Why bother? But once started you get lost in the task and see new growth. That’s the therapeutic bit I guess.
When you feel ready, give it a go.
I always enjoyed gardening and my husband loved to sit in it and see what I had done. He only passed in January but I can see it needs a spring tidy but yet can’t find the enthusiasm or energy to start. When the weather is a little warmer I will make myself go out there as a continuing tribute to him, and the enjoyment he felt in bringing me a cup of team and just sitting out there, feeling the sun on his face. I will just start with some pots and see how I get on. I did find gardening very therapeutic so I am hoping when I do venture out there it will feel the same and help with my healing.
So sorry for your loss, I do understand my husband passed
away on the 23 January. People keep saying it gets easier to bare. xx
I lost Steve 11 months ago after 50 years of marriage. Winter is a hard time to be grieving, cold dark lonely times sat indoors. My garden is nothing special but I got so much peace pottering about during the fine weather. I once saw a little poem that went like this. The kiss of the sun for pardon, The song of the bird for mirth, One is nearer to God in the garden, than anywhere else on Earth. I often found myself thinking those words while I was weeding or deadheading. Being close to nature is very soothing. I suggest to anyone finding it hard to get back out there, or feeling guilty that the garden doesn’t look like it used to, be kind to yourself. On a fine day just walk round your little patch of nature. Pull out one weed, watch a bumble bee, deadhead one plant. Just do what you can when you can. I do hope your gardens can bring you the peace mine has brought me and make you feel closer to your loved ones.
Thank you Lily17 x
I couldn’t agree more @Lilly17, I feel so grateful that I live in the countryside, thanks to my beloved husband, we moved here when we married. When I’m outside, pruning,planting and doing little jobs here and there on our land, I really do feel it’s soothing for my mind. I agree that it’s a good outlet for this pain we’re all going through. I recommend nature therapy to everyone, whether it’s your back garden, the open countryside, or even a walk in the local park.
Hi fellow gardeners
I was lucky enough to have two allotment plots as well as my garden and I can say that the gardening I have done has certainly got me through the loss of my husband. I work in all weathers and feel suitably pleased with myself afterwards. Just looking at nature around us and the pleasure of seeing things grow is a natural tonic.
I’m sorry to interrupt the thread, but I just wanted to share this with you. We’re hoping to create a Grief Kind garden in one of our hospices, and it would be lovely to get your input. We have a thread here if you’d like to share any thoughts:
What a lovely idea. A lovely wildlife pond and bird tables and feeders would be nice. I love watching the birds in my garden and hearing the he frogs croak.
Thanks for the encouragement. We did love to look at the garden and each did some of the work. I did the flower beds and Richard did the lawn and other hand standing maintenance. I have someone to cut the grass now as I can’t manage the large petrol mower - nearly lost it over the bank the first time I tried during Richard’s lifetime.
I never want to start the work out there but once I get started it flows better so totally agree it helps.
Plants which can be touched and have different textures. We all miss the touch of our loved ones and may not have others to hug us so textures in plants and hard landscaping.
Herbs like lavender, Rosemary, and any with strong scents which can be touched. Gentle running water is a must. I particularly like foliage that moves gently in the wind such as Fennel, and Phormiums and of course a wildlife area where bees and butterfly’s will visit. Always interesting watching them at work. Don’t forget the birds they will always keep people interested with their antics.
Oooh yes, @Pattidot - running water.