I agree its not a personal criticism against nurses … its the system and how they do things … its outdated and inefficient … people should not have to complain to PALS to get answers about their loved ones … too much red tape like most things in this country !! I worked in the NHS most of my life and im disillusioned with it …having seen what my lovely husband had to go through and knowing it could’ve been a different outcome ??? … as you say its the difference between life and death … that’s a pretty big deal … especially when its your loved one… i think we have every right to question it …
4 Likes
Well I think the more you know the better even if it is hard.
Some people like to head bury. Of course there are no guarantees but it is interesting. No one has to agree and put anyone down for their opinions. I can’t make my son see a gp if he won’t any more than I could force my parents to do what they wouldn’t. I have felt angry that my baby died for nothing for years. It was a catalogue of errors. The same with all the deaths in my family.
My husband died when he did and every day these thoughts pop up what is. But yes hindsight can do and all that and other days I just think let it go. I have to see the GP tomorrow myself and I got told off last time for going too often just like my father used to go a lot and think he was ignored because they got fed up with him. But I was right to go because I did have an infection that wasn’t picked up before. I get told by some that my husband lived to a decent age because he was older than others when he died. But then I think of all the others who are still alive and it is what it is.
It is his birthday or would have been on Wed. Struggling to try to cope with my loss and carry on.
1 Like
@deb5 Absolutely agree, it is not personal but we have the right to question the service when it is us/our loved ones who are dealing with illness. I am convinced my wife would have died a year earlier than she actually did if we had not been fortunate enough to have access to BUPA. I have concluded this from the fact that she died from liver failure caused by breast cancer metastasis - her liver function test results were returned to normal(ish) for a year or so due to the BUPA treatment before the disease overcame the medication and returned the function test results to where they were at initial diagnosis.
I have many positive stories about my/my family’s experience with the NHS, but none of them from recent years. Recent experience has been very poor and I’m afraid it appears to me to be indicative of a system in disrepair.
On a more general point, I do believe this discussion is part of the grieving process - perhaps it needs its own thread - but it is part of coming to terms with what has happened to us all.
3 Likes
Listened to this and are interesting points - and some unexpected points around the investment into NHS being one of highest in Europe’s social healthcare, despite being largely at the bottom of many of the disease survival rates
Yeh although that doesnt help my grieving process really because i only had 6 weeks from his terminal diagnosis to him passing but i do wish in that time i had gone private. So worrying whats happened to our NHS … although he deteriorated very fast 
it was much quicker than the drs even thought … i think if i had longer i wouldve gone private … it took em 3 months to figure out it was cancer his specialist said it was nothing sinister … !!!
1 Like
@Deb5 did they do scans when he said it was nothing sinister or were the scans only done later?
1 Like
Yeh the did scans … xrays etc but they thought it was a blockage not cancer only found it in late september when he had the procedure to remove blockage … them did biopsy … found it then and i dunno about any of you on here but the Kings diagnosis has triggered me … xx
1 Like
Yeah - haven’t given much info about it
Hopefully it’s early stage
1 Like
They not stopped going on about it last night on the news . Had to turn it off … !!!
1 Like
Yeah I can’t watch the news about king Charles as know he will have first class treatment. My friend was telling me yesterday her husband got diagnosed with prostate cancer in may but treatment didn’t start to November and now it has spread to 2 lymph nodes.
2 Likes
The chemo treatment? Why did it take so long for chemo?
1 Like
Yep exactly ! A two tier system isnt it !!! So awful … and its not right because as somebody said on here we have paid for it through our national insurance !!! and omg 5 months for treatment !!! What the … !! X
1 Like
It is like my son, he had no symptoms. Although it spread to the bone, when he started to have pains in hip and spine. Took him to walk in clinic and tried to get physio ,but because he had mild cerebral palsy, they just said muscular and told me there is a 3months waiting list. Pain got so bad he could not get out of bed. Got him to hospital secondary bone cancer. When I asked the doctor why did the doctor at walk in clinic and physio that looked at him to see if he could get physio did not notice it he said that was a mistake? When they are disabled they seem to just think ache and pains is what they should put up with.
4 Likes
No idea, not a close friends so didn’t ask really but will next time I see her. X
2 Likes
Yes it is part of grieving process. Can still pay for treatment and still outcome doesn’t go how you wish. I still think luck has to do with it. Even the king can’t get round it. It was interesting that they put on TV about history of medical issues of his grandparents. I thought the king looked ill even before.
Just listening about dental care on nhs.That is another issue that needs to be address, when people go to a Denist they look to see if there are any things in the mouth that could be mouth cancer. If people are not going to Denist how many more cases of mouth cancer are going to be missed?
2 Likes
@Pest I also just saw the news story about the dentist recovery plan, that’s being slated by the BDA
Just seems ongoing
That is one conversation myself and hubby had. It was really strange looking back at it.
Once we knew it had spread we talked about him dying. We talked about what he wanted done with his ashes. On the days he could hardly walk, he would ask if I would make him a coffee. I told him he knew where the kitchen was, he would look at me, smile, and say.
I do, but for some unknown reason I’ve decided today I’m not capable of doing anything, thought you could be my slave. Then he would tell me he loved me. We were very open about his diagnosis. I think others found it harder to handle than we did.
Saying that it doesnt take the pain away that I’m feeling. Or how much I miss him.
He was my rock. My hubby. My friend.
When he passed away I received a letter from his oncologist. It was unexpected and such a lovely letter. He said he would miss his visits from Kieron. They use to discuss the football. He praised me for the care that I showed Kieron and how well I looked after him, especially as things got worse.
4 Likes
@mags66 I still, to this day, haven’t had a message of condolence from her oncologist
The palliative team sent me a nice card along with her district nurse, who organised that the hospital bed in the living room be collected, and also came to see me a couple of times to see how I was doing, which I did really appreciate
It was better that you could discuss it openly and your husband maintained his sense of humour
My partner did as well and tried to stay upbeat throughout - she of course had her moments, but was very stoic and kept a lot of it to herself
2 Likes
Aw … lovely story. we got a letter from his oncologist too saying sorry for his passing and how he much we had looked after him and fought for him … that’s sweet. Although at time when i got it i was numb tbh and as nice as it was i just wanted my husband back x
2 Likes