General Partner Grief Discussion

My husband apart from quite a lot of other things wrong with him actually passed away from Acute Limb Ischaemia Peripheral Vascular Disease for over 23 years he had a very good relationship with his Vascular Consultant who always gave him the red carpet treatment when we went to see him he also saved my husband’s life from a burst Aortic Aneurysm 23 years ago it was a miracle he survived that man saved my husband’s life and he told us when he retired he wanted my husband to walk out the front door of the hospital with him. When my husband passed a few months ago we all expected a letter from the consultant because that was the type of person he was but we’ve never had anything and we did send a message to say he’d passed away maybe he never received it

From the relationship you described, I would think he didn’t receive it
Was he not treating your husband at the time?
From my understanding of Acute Limb Ischaemia Peripheral Vascular Disease, it affects a limb usually from a blood clot and longer term complications cause fatality

My partner’s oncologist showed very little interest and hardly ever contacted her
Her previous oncologist was shifted to lung cancer - he was always very accommodating and showed interest in how she was managing personally - luck of the draw unfortunately

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Well I think if you get a letter you are very lucky. When I visited our GP afterwards he said to me that everyone at surgery was upset my husband had died as they thought he was doing very well. But that was the trouble he left it too late to mention he had had two heart issues and referral came for that after he had died anyway and had his leg amputated unnecessarily as it turned out.
I never got an official letter as such.
I kinda didn’t expect to really. It was like a sausage machine in hospital if so many.

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My husband hadn’t seen his Vascular Consultant for a couple of months because he was happy how things were going this all happened very quickly he was a left leg amputee his right leg always had a bad blood flow, the day before he passed he wasn’t well so the next day he was rushed to hospital were we were told there and then he had a matter of hours the scan showed a blood clot in the groin they said it had not been there long

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My wife’s oncologist was on holiday the week she passed away but still phoned the ward to check with the nursing team how her new chemo treatment had gone. Reading between the lines afterwards, he knew it was a final roll of the dice, but would never have said so, obviously. When he returned to work he phoned me at home to pass on his sympathies and condolences. I told him I felt we had gained an extra year together thanks to the treatment regime he oversaw. He was genuinely grateful to hear that. A wonderful, humble, compassionate man who we owe so much to.


My husband didn’t want to talk about it he kept hoping it would be ok although he did tell me he felt differently about last ditch procedure. He was kinda scared. Bless him. I did say to him he ought to let me know what is what because I didn’t know and he gave me a little list of all the money and where it was. That was all. He just seemed to want hope. He told his son not to worry about him he would be alright and his son believed him and then he wasn’t.
I was doubting but had began to hope and then the hospital seemed to pull the plug.


I think talking about it, is a personal matter. But at the same time, if it’s not talked about, you can be left in limbo and that can add to the stress when you’re grieving.

It’s not an easy subject to talk about, but it’s a part of our lives. I was lucky, we just seem to accept what was going to happen and that gave us chance to really enjoy what time he did have. That probably comes across as blasé. I don’t mean it to. It’s just how it was for us.

Losing him was any less easier. Sometimes i wonder because we laughed and joked people thought i didn’t care, that couldn’t be further from the truth. Inside I was screaming, because I didn’t want to lose him


When we were informed that Rosemarie would never leave hospital again as there was nothing further that could be done and the machines were keeping her alive now and she may have a week left. I believe that in a way she was relieved because she in her words had no fight left. We had been fighting for many years and the last three were a downhill spiral with more time in hospital than at home. We had the talk. During our twenty six years together she did all the admin and I now had to take it on. I was presented with copious notebooks full of information I would need and although it’s only been just over seven months I have not found myself wanting as she seems to have covered it all. I even found that my darling had another insurance policy that I was unaware of that left me with the ability according to the note attached “now you can buy yourself a decent car”. I had a my old faithful nineteen year old car and her motorbility car which of course had to go back. In respect of herself, we had spent a great deal of time when at home during the last year talking about this. We eventually settled on direct cremation for both of us when our times came. We were both firmly of the opinion why cause whoever is left further stress trying to organise a funeral. I’m agnostic anyway and the whole family thing with arguments as to whose sitting where or travelling in which car, I was happy to do without. We had a celebration of her life that was attended by ninety plus people and we gave her the send off she would have been more than happy with.


Hi Eldento so sorry for your loss very sad story but what a lovely send off she would have liked it we did the same for my husband Direct cremation and big party he certainly had a good send off you take care

@Jennison1946 how awful for you…could they not removed your husband blood clot in his groin? My husband died of a saddle pulmonary embolism and undiagnosed kidney cancer. I do wonder if they could removed his blood clot if they knew beforehand xx


You were lucky, although I don’t think that’s the right word, to have condolences from your oncologist. I hear about patients who had a “good” relationship with theirs, we didn’t, and I think it hastened his death. I’m sure if he’d been prescribed some medication he would have been strong enough to have the palliative chemo which would have at least given him more time.

I’m very sad today, sorry.

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Don’t be sorry. You have no reason to be sorry.

You’re grieving and that is normal. We all have days where it really hits us that they are no longer with us.

I’m really sorry for your loss. It’s not an easy thing to be going through. Please accept my condolences.

I find it a real shame, that our loved ones have had to deal with medical professionals along their journey at some point and that the care and help they have received, has differed so much.

Sending hugs :people_hugging:


My hubby had a direct cremation. His friend died 33 hours before he did. We live in the flat above them. Myself and his wife, helped each other. Her hubby had a direct cremation as well.

Because they were friends and went so close to each other. We held a get together of family and friends for them together.

It was really lovely. Friends and family coming together. We had people telling their memories. My friends granddaughter read a poem she had written. It was lovely. What was really nice, people were coming and telling us, we had done them both proud.

My step daughter gave me a cushion. She had a photo from our 10th wedding anniversary in 2022 put on it. God I cried so hard, but it’s lovely.


Well I don’t see how they would have time to treat everyone equally as so many to cope with. I wonder if it makes huge difference if paid for privately

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Hi Hazel so sorry for your loss my husband’s blood clot couldn’t be removed as the leg had over the few days too him passing started changing colour we were so ignorant to what was happening I myself should have realised the leg was dying and the only way to save him would be to amputate his whole leg but we were told in A&E the operation would kill him as he had an infection also to find out that same day the cancer in his prostate which we knew about and was told it hadn’t spread that was another shock we were told in A&E that it had spread but at that time the infection killed him


Hi myjica so sorry for your loss and husbands friend that must have been terrible for you both but at least you were able to help each other and what a lovely thing to do having a family get together for your husband and his friend you certainly did them proud you take care

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@Jennison1946 so sorry - sounds a very traumatic few days :disappointed:

Everything is so fluid under those circumstances and changing so quickly, you don’t have a moment to gather your thoughts
My partner, at initial diagnosis, had a massive 21cm tumour in her abdomen that was necrotic and poisoning her blood supply. She was a couple of days away from going septic before they performed emergency op to remove it, and had told me in no uncertain terms, the odds of her surviving were negligible
She survived the op against the odds, but I remember the feeling of panic and helplessness as I saw her deteriorating by the hour


Hello MemoriesOfUs that must have been terrible and traumatic for you I’m so sorry, my husband wasn’t a well man but he certainly was a fighter the times he’d gone into hospital it was touch and go but out he’d come and recover we used to joke he had his own ambulance and I had my own room built at the hospital that’s how many times he was in and out but this time he didn’t make it and when I read stories about yourself and others how they had to watch there loved ones deteriorate I feel thank full for us it was reasonably quick and a shock and as you say we didn’t even have time to gather our thoughts you take care


Not sure what you mean? @Enorac

I have two pillows with my lovely Philmore’s face. One is with me on my couch and the second is on our bed, the side he was always sleeping on. And of course countless photos around the house.