Hiya Doreen lpease call me jo or Josie butI do answer to worst lol.
Yes you have a good memory I do suffer from agrophobia and yes every day is a struggle. Not only with that but as like us all the grief plays a really big part in it all.
Like yourself I could scream with the pain it causes.
But I try each day to do something no matter how small.
Today I went to my daughters they dont live far from me and they pick me up and drop me back at the house. Thats how I refer to it now as the warm home feeling as gone.
Its lonely and empty here now.
Hugs jo xxxx
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Why can’t things get better I miss my husband so much it’s a battle to do anything every day it’s just getting worse
I’m finding it harder and harder to push myself
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So sorry Doreen. It’s all so hard, and the nights closing in early don’t help. Sending hugs.
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Hi Jo,
I am so pleased you are getting out and about a bit.
You mention your daughters come and pick
You up and drop you off.
That is so nice for you.
I have no children but would have loved them.
Sam would have loved a son.
You mention you refer to your home as the house.
Please don’t your home was for you both and I know you will have built and furnished it lovingly
together.
I actually said this to a special friend of mine and she said no you both saved and scrimped for your home you did it together and Sam is in every room in every cushion you bought and that he grumbled about .
It is still your home the one you both loved so much.
Some people have asked me what am I going to do now. Sell it and move somewhere smaller??
No of course not this is still our home.
In my grief I could just sell up and move to an island where know one knows me may be a pub and do bread and breakfast.
I am so mixed up can’t think straight
Love Doreen xx
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Hiya Doreen,
I think personally you should stay where you are for now at least until you are really sure its what you want, you dont want to live with any regrets.
I have a son too but I hardly see him I cant remember the last time he called to see if I am ok. I have 2 grandaughters by him one who is 15 one 13. I have seen them twice since losing Gra.
His wife is very controlling and she calls the shots in where they live etc, she moved them away from me approximately 40 miles because I dont think she liked how close Dan and I where. Hugs jo xxx
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A couple of weeks ago someone said to me - it’ll get better. Someone who has never been on his own - someone who has a wife, two daughters and four lovely grandchildren.
I was Bill’s second wife (his first wife died suddenly). He has a son and daughter, who are supportive but obviously have their own lives and families. I have no-one of my own. No-one needs me any more, there is no point to anything.
I know what you say about the difference between a house and a home. Our home had love in it because Bill and I loved each other so much. I still love him very much but our home has become my house. He bought me some lovely things and I get so upset when I walk round and know he’s not here to enjoy them. I bought him some new clothes and shoes ready for the summer and they are still lying on the spare bed 
.
I think, like some of you, I will grieve for the rest of my life. Tears every day. I try and pull myself together then loose the plot again. It can never be the same again and quite honestly, I hate it.
Sorry for the negativity but just can’t snap out of it at the moment. It’s getting worse, not better. 
Love and hugs to all of you going through this 
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I feel exactly the same. My husband died 11 months ago today and life will never be the same again.
I do have daughters and grandchildren that I hardly ever see them
I go to a Sue Ryder grief, kind group Once a week it’s nice to go and talk to other people in the same situation as you
Sending a hug x
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Morning Harriet, never apologise for the way you are feeling, its hard so very hard expecting they have gone and this is our life now.
Like you I cry and try to move forward as we have no choice.
No amout off shouting or screaming is going to change the outcome.
But for Gras sake who fought so hard for life I have to find a way forward and carry on.
He was one of the strongest bravest men I have ever met.
Hugs jo. Xxx
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Morning Pam families eh we love them but we cant pick them.
I cant do groups other than online as I have agrophobia,
Hugs jo xxx
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After all this last weekends events it’s given me pause for reflection,if my future is going to end up being pushed around by a grumpy nurse sitting in my bath chair in a dingy nursing home,the least I can do is change what I can change and leave what ,I can’t I will still have to return to an empty home,climb into an empty bed,and feel very lonely,but surely there’s a touch of joy to be had inbetween I will try.
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Last week you were encouraging someone to live life on the edge. Why not combine your two possible alternative visions of the future and persuade the grumpy nurse to sit in the bath chair with you. Not that I know what a bath chair is. We voluptuous 18 year old blondes call them mobility aids. We don’t know of hearing trumpets either.
Who knows, the grumpy nurse might push your bath chair to your usual sleazy biker bar. Under her nurse hat she might have the compulsory ponytail you mentioned.
What joy that would be.
I am currently marooned in my house with my daughter, surrounded by flooded fields and a river where the road used to be.
I feel like Tom Hanks in Castaway, although making a face on an iceberg lettuce is more difficult than a football. The marker pen ink keeps running, the eyes look as if it’s crying, just like my mascara when I cry. Perhaps I will decide to be Robinson Crusoe instead and look for a Man Friday, one that can do spreadsheets and understands app controlled ceramic infrared heating panels.
Your imagined dingy nursing home sounds almost as grim as The Swamp.
Xx
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No objections to being pushed to the sleazy biker bar just not by a grumpy nurse,I know my diy skills are rubbish but I would pay to watch you climb a cliff for wood to build a raft wouldn’t your voluptuous get in the way though,at least you wouldn’t need any empty drums ,and I think Lyn has some spare paddles and a bucket,
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This is starting to sound like the plot of a carry on film.
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Willow Windsor sounds good,just hope her bikini top is more efficient.
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Hi Ron, my hope is that I will get pushed around by a very handsome chap - well a girl can dream, oh dear it has been many a long year since I was a girl and I had my handsome chap so I had better get back to reality. After I had my melt down last week I decided to get a grip and pull my big girl pants up. Tomorrow I am looking at a new car, something smaller and more suited to an old lady climbing in and out of a SUV doesn’t get any easier. I gave the decorator the go ahead so he is ready to start. I hope Saturday night went well.
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It did thank you,ideally I would want one of the nurses off Benny Hill to push me around,but hey I can dream,hope your car search goes well,I’ve heard the new Porsche is a beast.
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Infamy! Infamy! You’ve all got it Infamy!
I will have you know that I was in the Brownies, until I got excommunicated because Brown Owl caught me smoking.
But I know semaphore and I reckon I could make a string of flags from a Barbara Windsor bikini top.
I would get Man Friday to make the raft.
Or you lot could join me and we could make Widoworld Commune.
Xx
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I hope you aren’t marooned for too long, a computer literate man Friday sound just the job.
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I think my grandson would have something to say about me driving a Porsche but it would be fun.
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Well I’ve had a word with Dickie B he said for a fiver each we can have his place,but would my tech stuff work there,the only semaphore I use these days is attached to my hands.
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