Today was a bit better than yesterday .
Fewer tears.
However, a photo of my husband popped up so the tears started.
I miss him so much.
Big hugs for all of you xx
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There are old Facebook friends that I have not told about Jeremy, I seldom use Facebook now. I posted the news last night. Today there were lots of responses. Although they were supportive, I just cried. Xx
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Hi @SadGirlfriend, @RoseGarden and @Willow112
I’m sorry you’re all having a hard day.
These dips are so horrible.
I’m a bit better than yesterday but mostly because I’m emotionally exhausted.
I’ve cried so much the last 2 days I think I’m all cried out.
I’m hoping to sleep a bit more tonight. But as you can see I’m awake yet again
I’ve had my 2 hours and now I’ve got to fight to get back off.
Oh how I long to sleep for longer in one go and not 2 hours, then an hour here and there.
I wish eveyone a better day tomorrow
Sending love and big big hugs
Liz x x 
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I’m sending you all lots of love and hugs 
Yesterday was so bad. I don’t know why, but every little thing set off the tears, because I could see my Bill in everything I touched or did.
A friend had given me a book which says on the front “comforting words to strengthen your soul”. It’s a book you can dip into and not have to read from beginning to end. I know my friend thought it might help, but it will be going to the back of my bookshelf. I read one or two of the passages and ended up in floods of tears. Does anyone else feel totally drained. I feel I’m getting worse. I seem to be crying much more. I keep telling myself Bill wouldn’t want me to be like this but I just can’t help it. I miss him soooooh much, I love him soooh much. I know we can’t change the situation but I really don’t know how to carry on. The thought of dark nights (we used to cosy down and watch tv), winter and Christmas fills me with absolute dread.
Tears falling now just thinking about it.
Oh, I hate this life. I don’t want it but I can’t change it. 
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Good morning Liro and Harris, I have my fingers crossed we all have a better day today.
It certainly isnt easy so many reminders of everything we have lost.
I hate how empty the house now feels Gra and I spent many hours just sat chatting about anything and nothing.and I miss that.
Making a meal seems like a waste of time so I grad a ready meal or a crisp sandwich, anything that doesn’t take alot of thinking .
Hugs for us all Jo xxx
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Apart from the book
I could have written what you have written myself, yesterday and the day before.
This journey we’re on is truly horrendous and it’s hard to see an end to it.
Our husbands would not want us to be like this
I too feel emotionally drained. You’re not alone.
I spoke to a counsellor yesterday and she said it’s early days (and I’m further on than you) to cry if I want, to be kinder to myself, stop beating myself up and go with it.
I don’t know if that will help you
But please believe that what you are going through is normal and things will improve eventually
I’m going to try and start back up the rollercoaster today.
I think I’m all cried out.
You are not alone, we’re all here for you
Love and hugs
Liz x x
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Good morning everyone.
Harriet I feel so sorry you are going through such an awful time and I understand what it’s like to feel constantly anxious and desperate for some relief from these feelings.
I think I am having such a mixture of emotions at the moment… either sitting feeling upset and anxious and unable to get going with anything, or rushing around helping with family problems, feeling slightly better but then exhausted.
Last night I forced myself to go to a salsa class, almost backed out, but glad I went as for an hour I wasn’t on my own, overthinking again.
Today I have a counselling session booked, but I don’t feel like going, and am doubtful it will help as I’d rather just have someone to talk to in general.
I wish you a better day and pray that the tearful, lost feelings will subside for longer periods at a time.
Sending loads of love X
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Hi Harriet
I understand every word. The book thing is not for me either. I went for one of our places to walk Jack yesterday again worse thing. I was crying but no tears its as though all dried up. I am still upset distraught confused. Waking up in the night then feeling totally drained throughout the day do not want sleeping pills.
And with C around the cornor will have to face the festive season soon withu the town lights going up soon my partner helped raise money for them. I have lost the last 25 years of my life as thats how I feel. I have 2 friends popping in today then I go shopping mainly for jack and cats. Then back to bed. I still have her mobile on and the notifications pop up it reminds me if her. I am sorry you feel like you do you are not alone. I am so upset it has shattered my total belief system I fully understand how you are thinking and feeling. X
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I understand.
I hate this rollercoaster.
These past few days have been at the lower part of the rollercoaster.
Here’s to starting the upward journey 
Big hugs for everyone xx
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It’s certainly a rough road to travel, full of boulders, pot holes and snares. Some of them are hidden and they seem to be the worst. At least that is how I feel. I think I have got the hang of not looking any further into the future than next week. It seems too dark and scary to look any further. I try not to anticipate big dates and tell myself that anniversaries, birthdays and the C-word is just another day. I try not to meet trouble halfway and tell myself that I will cross that bridge when I come to it. But it’s the sneaky memories that trip me up. There is no escaping them, even if I moved house, which is impossible anyway, I would take my head with me.
I don’t think there is any solution. Just got to wait for the waves to get smaller and look for some joy in life. It’s there somewhere. I am going to Sainsburys today, maybe I will get some there, with bonus Nectar points!
I hope everyone has a better day. Xx
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It really is a hard horrendous journey, I keep thinking I am getting a little better but bang something reminds me all over again those tears start to fall.
I often wish I could sleep and wake up when the pain stops, but will it ever.
I have so many beautiful memories of Gra the day we got married the first day he told me he loved me, but at those memories bring tears.
I like you all wanted to make more, but those wishes are impossible and oh my god does that hut.
Hugs Jo xxx
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Hi
I will have to move one day. But doesnt matter lost my soulmate but will hit me once I shut that front door on first night. But will have her with me. Cant believe the last 25 years or less without her. No soul here. I could scream and scream how dare she leave me here. Its 3 months and I still feel bad. Sick to the core and have a thousand and one things to do. Just dont want to do them. The only people I can talk to are people on her and 2 of her friends who are widows as they totally understand. 2 friends popping round soon. Dreading it as they do everything together and will leave her together and I will be here on my own then go shopping on my own then back here on my own. I dont know how long grieving is suppose to last but feel guilty even saying that. But keep telling myself I need to make new friends but feel guilty and upset. As do want new friends but its been so long just the 2 of us now just me. She was out going she would have been better staying and I to have gone. Just goes to show you have to make the most if everything. The older you get the confidence seems to go. Work again next week. Just feel like a newbie as forgotten everything. Maybe I will have to reconsider the work thing. Hope your day is ok
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All the last few posts are just how I feel and it’s 11 months now. The mornings are the worst I could quite happily stay in bed all day. I’m starting to feel this isn’t going to get any better, I miss and love him so much
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Hi Nala
I feel the same and still in bed. Whenever I think I am doing OK it hits me all over again. I have alot to do but remain here. Have 2 friends in 2 hours. Just know it will be painful as they will leave together. And I will remain on my own. Just dont know where people find the right balance to move on. Juat dont know. I do fully understand x
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Hello jack , I lost my darling husband on the 16th of June this year. Its awful in fact awful is to light a word to use.
I dont think there is a time or right way to grieve we are all different and all handle this in different ways.
I get the not wanting to get up but then laying there with your thoughts is just as painful.
Like yourself I love been around people but omg is it a killer when they leave and that isolation lonilness creeps back in.
Hugs Jo xxx
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Well apologies for yesterdays absence,I was very angry kicking things around generally fuming,my wife passed of sepsis in April this year and suffering from cancer.
I insisted on a meeting with members of the board of the NHS and got one.
I have since received transcript and recording of the meeting and after a bit of research it set me off,verbatim sepsis on admission was suspected and put on basic antibiotics,her medical score of 5 triggers an urgent medical review(wasn’t done)her obs 22bpm anything over 20 is a red flag,heart rate 93 anything over 90 is a red flag,temperature 35 anything under 36 is a red flag,minimum obs on all these should have been hourly hers were 3 hourly,she was cold so they just stuck a Huggie blanket on her,I said before the meeting I was not inclined to proceed down the legal route.
Now that is exactly where I am going,they just let her die.
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Hi Ron
I am very upset reading this. God sake this is not acceptable. This is happening time and time again. I am angry for you. Its like who can we blame. Following through will be painful but I like you need to do it. Gald ypu have the transcript. There shpjld be some help woth the CAB and 30 minutes free with a solicitor. Ron keep us updated if you can. I am so sorry to read this
Virtal hugx
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Thank you for your support,I have already made an appt with my solicitor,someone once said to me going down this route would be like picking at a grief scab,I really don’t care now,I can’t let them get away with it anymore,if it costs me everything she has to get justice.
Love RonXx
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Oh @Ron11
I’m so sorry its come to this.
But no you can’t leave it.
Were all here for you
Love and hugs
Liz x x
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Morning Ron well done for standing up to them, I am also putting in a complaint around Gras care and the way he was treated.
I am just getting the dreaded c word out the way first hopefully i will be stronger then.
Good luck Ron keep us posted .hugs jo xxc
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