Hello rose garden
I know you understand and I thank you for your support.
I dread weekends.
Doreen x
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Hello willow
Thank you so much for your support I did not feel so quite alone last night with the messages I received last night.
I was really really desperate and cried.
I count the days weeks etc.
I go over and over this time last month this time
Three months ago.
Last birthday and it is truly dreadful.
Getting up and going to bed in our house is so quiet and lonely.
I know all of us are having to face this and I just
feel so sad for us all.
We have found each other on here so that is a good thing.
Thank you all.
Love Doreen xx
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I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you last night.
But I’m here now
Thinking of you and sending big big hugs
Liz x x
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Hello liro
Thank you so much for your message.
I was in bits last night and I dread weekends especially.
I can’t get my head around the fact that I am now all alone for ever now.
This is now what is my life such as it is now.
I know all of us on here feel like this all of us at different stages.
I just can’t imagine myself at a different stage
Or ever feeling any better .
After friends call and text messages read and grateful for them I am still alone.
I reached out last night in the depths of my despair and I had some lovely friends reply.
I am so glad I have found us but so very sad
as I know what we are all going through.
Thank you and every one else for your support.
Love Doreen x
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Oh Doreen
I do know how you feel, truly I do
I was told by a counsellor on Thursday that it’s still very early days. I’m to cry if I want to cry, be kinder to myself and stop beating myself up. Just to go with it.
My point is I’m over 6 months now, 30 weeks, so actually over 7.
If I’m still struggling at times please believe me thay what you’re feeling is quite normal.
We will improve but its a long journey
The price we’re paying for loving someone so much.
Love and big hugs
Liz x x
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Its so truly hard its 15 weeks today for me and every day I cry. For myself for Gra and our dreams. I send hugs to us all Jo xxx
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Hello jen can I call you that?
I also cry for our dreams our future which has now gone.
I can’t believe it has happened and just long for it somehow to come back.
I know you said you are agoraphobic so it must be absolutely terrible to struggle with going out.
How are you doing with that?
I could actually scream out loud with the pain of this.
I try not to be too emotional as my little cocker
spaniel picks up on it and gets very distressed.
She is really missing her dad and is still looking
in rooms for him.
I am aware that some family members are
uncomfortable when I speak of my distress
so I don’t say much to them .
I think they think I should be getting over this.
Well I know it will happen to them then they
Will know .
Love and comfort Doreen x
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Hi all
I am always told that its early days. It will always be early days infact where did our summer go. We were told we had the summer 3 months. It was in fact 3 weeks. I will grief for the rest of my life. Sorry but thats how I feel. Work today just awful just wanted the earth to open up i would have quite happily jumped in. Whats the real point of it all. Just awful. Each person if different. I know we have to carry on but the waves of emptiness flushes over you and friends try not to be too happy around you. Am trying but whenever I stop what I am doing it comes over me all again. Went out with jack we both got soaked at least we were together x
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Hello Rosiejack
I agree with you what is the point anymore .
I am sorry work was horrible for you can you not get a note from your GP for a little more time off work.
I know I have mentioned my little cocker spaniel
Lavender missing her dad and being very quiet
and I wondered if you had noticed that with
jack?
Pets know there is something wrong.
The walks help her and give me a purpose.
I buy myself flowers lilys every week because
my Sam used to do that for me and I cry every
time I put them in the vase.
I too will grieve for the rest of my life nothing can ever change that.
Time?? well I have plenty of that or at least I think I have…
We all assume we have until it is cruelly snatched away.
Love and comfort Doreen x
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Hi @Dol1 and @Rosiejack
I do understand honestly.
I’ve been where you are and I’m now trying to pick myself up
I promised Roger that I would live my life. But its so very hard. I am trying and failing a lot of the time.
But everytime I fall I try to pick myself up and move forward.
Believe me its not easy,
And I will grieve for the rest of my life.
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Hi Dor
Well had 5 months off had to go back otherwise half pay. But just felt at square one again today was bad justndidnt want to be there and thr thought of jack on his own. Kind neighbours let iim out but just hate leaving him. Just feel deflated all the time. Rice and fish fingers quite pathetic need to go proper shopping soon. Just eating whats left she did all the cooking miss the flavours. Friends are nice but do get bored then the silly chat at work i knew I would have to walk out the room. Someone upset today as it was raining… if you could have seen my face … someone went off with a sneeze… omg . I always speak to her when out or in the car on the way to work. Feel so hopeless . I think god is this my life now. Lidis walks watching our programmes. Jack bless enjoys his walks but his lost one of his people and rosie his english springer 4 weeks after. Although she was 15 and 7 months. Yes the months I was off work I was juat floating on air. Made me think today as I saw 2 other people i work with and rhey both said in a jolly voice hayyy your backk good to see you. Well to be honest thought I am still grieving just coz i am here nothings changed. Thank you for your kind reply. Walks are good…
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Hiya Doreen lpease call me jo or Josie butI do answer to worst lol.
Yes you have a good memory I do suffer from agrophobia and yes every day is a struggle. Not only with that but as like us all the grief plays a really big part in it all.
Like yourself I could scream with the pain it causes.
But I try each day to do something no matter how small.
Today I went to my daughters they dont live far from me and they pick me up and drop me back at the house. Thats how I refer to it now as the warm home feeling as gone.
Its lonely and empty here now.
Hugs jo xxxx
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Why can’t things get better I miss my husband so much it’s a battle to do anything every day it’s just getting worse
I’m finding it harder and harder to push myself
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So sorry Doreen. It’s all so hard, and the nights closing in early don’t help. Sending hugs.
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Hi Jo,
I am so pleased you are getting out and about a bit.
You mention your daughters come and pick
You up and drop you off.
That is so nice for you.
I have no children but would have loved them.
Sam would have loved a son.
You mention you refer to your home as the house.
Please don’t your home was for you both and I know you will have built and furnished it lovingly
together.
I actually said this to a special friend of mine and she said no you both saved and scrimped for your home you did it together and Sam is in every room in every cushion you bought and that he grumbled about .
It is still your home the one you both loved so much.
Some people have asked me what am I going to do now. Sell it and move somewhere smaller??
No of course not this is still our home.
In my grief I could just sell up and move to an island where know one knows me may be a pub and do bread and breakfast.
I am so mixed up can’t think straight
Love Doreen xx
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Hiya Doreen,
I think personally you should stay where you are for now at least until you are really sure its what you want, you dont want to live with any regrets.
I have a son too but I hardly see him I cant remember the last time he called to see if I am ok. I have 2 grandaughters by him one who is 15 one 13. I have seen them twice since losing Gra.
His wife is very controlling and she calls the shots in where they live etc, she moved them away from me approximately 40 miles because I dont think she liked how close Dan and I where. Hugs jo xxx
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A couple of weeks ago someone said to me - it’ll get better. Someone who has never been on his own - someone who has a wife, two daughters and four lovely grandchildren.
I was Bill’s second wife (his first wife died suddenly). He has a son and daughter, who are supportive but obviously have their own lives and families. I have no-one of my own. No-one needs me any more, there is no point to anything.
I know what you say about the difference between a house and a home. Our home had love in it because Bill and I loved each other so much. I still love him very much but our home has become my house. He bought me some lovely things and I get so upset when I walk round and know he’s not here to enjoy them. I bought him some new clothes and shoes ready for the summer and they are still lying on the spare bed 
.
I think, like some of you, I will grieve for the rest of my life. Tears every day. I try and pull myself together then loose the plot again. It can never be the same again and quite honestly, I hate it.
Sorry for the negativity but just can’t snap out of it at the moment. It’s getting worse, not better. 
Love and hugs to all of you going through this 
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I feel exactly the same. My husband died 11 months ago today and life will never be the same again.
I do have daughters and grandchildren that I hardly ever see them
I go to a Sue Ryder grief, kind group Once a week it’s nice to go and talk to other people in the same situation as you
Sending a hug x
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Morning Harriet, never apologise for the way you are feeling, its hard so very hard expecting they have gone and this is our life now.
Like you I cry and try to move forward as we have no choice.
No amout off shouting or screaming is going to change the outcome.
But for Gras sake who fought so hard for life I have to find a way forward and carry on.
He was one of the strongest bravest men I have ever met.
Hugs jo. Xxx
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Morning Pam families eh we love them but we cant pick them.
I cant do groups other than online as I have agrophobia,
Hugs jo xxx
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