Oh, Dol1. Your Sam sounds a bit like my Bill.
Bill spoiled me rotten and I would have given him the world if I could.
Not to have them here anymore is heartbreaking.
Bill developed pneumonia and because he had little or no immune system he couldn’t fight the infection.
I went shopping this morning and all I could imagine as I was going round was Bill, on his mobility scooter nipping round with his list and me catching him up. I don’t know how I managed to get out without the tears
Like you, I don’t have any children. Bill had a son and daughter and they have been supportive but they have their own families.
I guess all we can do is put one foot in front of the other and one day at a time or even hour by hour.
It’s almost 11 weeks since I lost Bill and still the tears flow. It’s like turning a tap on and not being able to turn it off.
At least we know we’re not alone in this
most heartbreaking situation.
Will it ever get better. At the moment I can’t see any way forward.
Sending you and anyone posting on here all my love and lots of virtual hugs.
You have been through a truly terrible time my friend and I am so sorry.
We have a lot to cope with deal with and just now try and live with our reality.
I feel so much sorrow for the things planned simple things that we never now will do.
Taken away just like that.
I really can’t believe it but obviously it’s true there is nothing anyone can do and I know that.i I walk around our lovely home and beautiful garden and I cry and cry as we worked and scrimped and saved to reach this point in our lives now it’s just me here all by myself.
I cry out loud in the hope he hears.
I too have sold his nearly car and was gutted as I watched it drive way.
I hope for answers when I get my complaint goes in
Love and comfort to all
Much love to all our friends
.
Hello rosiejack
I know exactly how you feel.
I am also stuck in the black hole of the date of my Sam’s passing which is 10-30 tonight .
I cover the clock face as I keep looking at it in dread.
Certain people I know are fed up with me talking
about it.
I know they don’t know what to say but I also know this is coming to them and then they will be walking in my shoes then.
Some friends have been really supportive with texts and phone calls which I look forward to.
A very good friend of many many years speaks to me every single evening for hours we just rabbit on she knew my Sam for 43 years.
She just listens when I talk about him .
We talk about many things.
She told me not to look out of the window as my Sam’s lovely car was driven away.
It had his private plate on with his name SAM
He only had it six months.
Of course I did look out the window and it absolutely broke me as I saw his car with his name on just drive off.
Dismissed him that is how I felt.
We had so many plans just like you nothing fantastic.
Just to say shall we pop to the garden centre have a wander and a coffee.
Shall we go to the Beach and take our dog and get fish and chips.
Now all gone.
How is it possible to miss so dreadfully such simple things???
I am on my own to know we will never ever do these things again is just agony.
I know all of us will feel this and I am so sad and sorry.
Heart felt wishes and comfort to every one.
Love Doreen xx
I
Rosie jack
Thank you so much for your kind and understanding reply.Think of me and my Sam at 10-30
I am thinking of you and your dread at return to
Work.
Try and think as I have started to do of our loved and very special one at our shoulder.
Hard to do I know and if love alone could keep us alive we would be together for ever.
I know my Sam is here I feel him and I talk to him.
As I believe this for myself it has to also be true for you.
To know now I will never see him again is just truly heartbreaking and somehow I never thought this day would ever come.
I know you feel exactly the same.
I wish you comfort .
Love Doreen
Same here. No family, though I do have good friends. 11 months and I thought I was starting to do ok, but suddenly the fear and anxiety have got a lot worse, and I’m much more lonely than in the first few months. He feels so far away now.
Hello rosiejack
I hear and understand what you say…
I can’t watch recent movies etc and stuff on catch up which we got settled down to and binge on it.
Just wonderful lazy nights with crisps and chocolate and a few glasses of wine
Now no more and never again.
Things have changed here.
Lots of friends and family have slowly drifted away I really do appreciate the help and support
I got when my Sam passed away.
It was such a shock still is for me.
I seem to be frozen in that time.
Of course those people who helped they have just moved on with their life and I know they have to. They do not feel the grief shock despair
Loneliness.
I know those people liked and were fond of my Sam and also of me.
He would have been proud to see so many people rally round but disappointed now to see
Some family members in particular just fade away.
I can’t imagine how hard it must be to get back to work.
I am finding having to do everything now especially hard.
Simple things changing light bulbs ,knobs coming off drawers ,trying to find all the chargers for the garden equipment only Sam knows where he has put them.
When people, neighbours ask me how I am doing I used to say I’m fine.
Not now I have learned from all of my new friends on here to own my grief and say how I feel.
Trouble is I realise people feel awkward and actually don’t want to hear that.
Fortunately and gratefully I still have a brother and best friend who have stayed the course.
I hope you still have special people in your life.
We need people we can rely on who will be there for us.
I know from reading on here some of us don’t have that and some of us older and less active
are having a truly terrible time having to somehow cope.
I know the phase and advice one step at a time
But really how to do it for me is not working.
I feel as if I am going through the motions of life
as if on some sort of hideous autopilot that I can’t switch off.
I have the news on 24/7 for some sort of company I can’t watch our regular programs
Or listen to music as it catches me out and I cry.
Sorry for rambling.
Sending comfort to all of us . Doreen xx
Hi Doreen.
I can fully relate to films,tv programmes,music etc,my tv is on permanent rubbish I don’t really watch,and yes family and friends have rapidly disappeared into the ether,struggling is now a daily byword,although I must confess the good people on this site gave me cause to smile and even manage a laugh yesterday,brief though it was it did bring some relief.
Sending love and comfort.
RonX
I was quite lucky (if you can call it that) my wife was diagnosed with terminal cancer three years ago,she passed this year in April,I took care of all the household finances,and then the chores,which gave me a bit of a head start on others who’s partners passed quickly and unexpectedly,I was still very much unprepared for the sadmin and grief,and still trying to struggle through,the guys on here though have been lifesavers.
Hello Ron it must have truly terrible for the both of you to hear that diagnosis.
Living with that .such a strain.
You sound such a strong and positive person
Clearly coping with that.
I didn’t know that my Sam when he went into hospital poorly with a chest infection would be
dead eleven days later.
I still can’t believe it.
I go over and over everything and can’t make any sense of it.
I talk out loud to him and go down our memory lane recalling things out loud.
I don’t know why I am doing this .
I must sound like a crazy lady.I want to remember out loud our lovely life together so he can hear me.
I wonder am I nuts does anyone else do this.
I know I have mentioned strange things.
A few weeks ago I received a parcel not expecting any.
It was a set of lingerie in pink simply lovely
My favourite colour.My size which is not average.
Addressed to Dolores , Sam’s name for me.
I checked with Marks n Spencer and they had no
record of it.
I don’t know what to make of this.
Sending you comfort.
Doreen xx
.
Hi Doreen.
You are neither nuts or crazy I do it all the time,believe it or not I take the last pair of jammies she wore to bed with me,I incessantly talk to her picture,ask her advice,if I am eating something she liked I apologise to her for her not being able to have it,so no you are not,unless we all are.
Sending comfort and love.
RonX
Not crazy at all, Doreen. I talk to John all the time; in fact, a lot more than when he first died. I still have his warm fleece hanging up, and hug it, and ask his advice about the many house problems that keep cropping up. I threw out some of his old beer glasses the other day, and apologised to him! So I’m crazy too.
Hi Ron
Thanks for confirming I am not crazy.
I was just thinking if every one could gathered up in a huge meeting what would it sound like
pretty noisy by all accounts .
Don’t know if any of us watched last night’s
episode of coronation street where Paul died due to MND.
I was absolutely overwhelmed and cried buckets
to see that the acting was absolutely magnificent. To also realise that this is actually
happening to people .
I cried for myself my Sam who can no longer see his lovely home and garden.
To look around and feel so desolate because he is not here anymore. Now an empty char in the corner.
How can losing just this one person in your life
have this devastating effect.
We all know it’s going to happen but I don’t think any body really believes it.
Much love and comfort to all. Doreen x
Hi Doreen.
No confirmation needed,we are all going through this nightmare and struggling,
No didn’t see the program I just tend to have the tv on rubbish programs for background noise at not watch it.
You take care and have as good a day as you can.
Love Ron.
Wow, what a sign
I think we all talk out loud and wonder if we’re crazy.
I have had a few signs. Too random to have been coincidences.
I actually thought he was hiding on the landing just now. I kept catching movement out of the corner of my eye while I was drying my hair.
So now who’s going crazy 
It was probably my hair I could see 
Sending hugs
X x
I think if you lot are crazy then so am I .
I talk to him none stop ask why he gad to leave me. To give me a sign he is still here.
Yes i also watched coronation St I wasvin bit to , I actually sobbed buckets. I don’t know wether it was for them or for me. All those memories came flooding back from 13 weeks ago.
Hugs Jo xxx
Oh dear, maybe I won’t watch Coronation Street. I recorded it but
I have enough misery of my own. I know they try to be realistic and some of the storylines are to raise awareness, but I watch soaps to be entertained. If I want to learn about more serious things I watch a documentary or read a book about it, or look online.
Sorry, just how I feel. I should probably just stick to kids tv programmes. I am feeling a little bit too delicate at the moment for tearjerkers. So, thanks for the heads up. Xx
Well it is a real tear jerker Willow trust me.
I didnt know last night he was going to die otherwise I wouldn’t have watched it.
The tears fall fast enough I don’t need any help in that regards.
Hope you are your daughter are well.
Hugs Jo xxx
It’s certainly good to get a heads up about programmes / films that can be distressing.
It’s easy to get caught out - I try watch very predictable and simple tv with a happy ending or a resolution if a very unrealistic crime !!
I was planning to go see the new beetlejuice movie at the weekend but my son went in the afternoon and called me to say I might not want to go. There was the death of a dad / husband and a Halloween wedding ( we got married Halloween 1992)
Will now maybe watch it when it’s on tv and I can cry if need to at home rather than drown out the cinema !!
I’ll def give coronation st a miss 
It was very Moving Rose it is still very raw, and like you say the winter months are going to be worse at least at the moment I see ppl going about there business up till about 8.30. Hating the thought of the curtians beeen closed early. The lonilness is a killer. Hugs Jo xxx
Anything around dying sets me off but I guess our emotions are just there under the surface waiting to be released.
I did watch it by accident (didn’t know he was going to die last night) and the acting was amazing, I try not too watch anything too sad and morbid as it can trigger me. I watch police series like line of duty, it takes my mind off everything, currently watching Sherwood which is an excellent series. Last night it was cold, wet and dark, I drew the curtains about 7pm and put the lights on and it dawned on me it’s now fast approaching long winter months ahead. Hate the winter cooped up with just the TV for company so making sure I have lots of things to watch, I have Netflix, Prime, etc so plenty of choice otherwise I would climb the walls. This is the time of year I hate being on my own the most