This will be the first winter on our own for many on here and in a strange way I think I am dreading it and not at the same time.
The option to just close the curtains and lock out the world feels quite appealing at the moment, but I will miss our after dinner walk with the dog in the dark, where the weather would usually be awful, but it would be nice to get back into the warmth and a cuppa in front of the tv. Oh to be able to do that now.
My husband was only sick for last winter and so I think it will be an especially tough time.
Xx
Rosiejack. I didn’t watch it but it came up on breakfast tv this morning. Mornings aren’t good and I usually end up in tears. I was actually doing quite well until that came on. I totally lost the plot. It just took me back to sitting round Bill’s bed in the hospital watching that last breath - it’s heartbreaking.
It’s 11 weeks tomorrow since my Bill passed away. I feel like you - where did the summer go. I dread the dark evenings with no-one to talk to or laugh with or watch tv with. I don’t know about you, or any others, but I seem to be getting worse. I cry more each day 'cos I miss him so so much every day. I know he wouldn’t want me to be like this but I just can’t help it. I can only speak for myself when I say life is just not worth living. I have a house with all the lovely things we bought and Bill’s not here to share them any more - what’s the point.
Sorry to sound so negative but I just can’t see anything positive.
Love and hugs to everyone going through this
It’s so hard to see the positive when we are in the depths of our grieving. And that’s ok.
I’m prepared for this to last some time but really hope that some day I will start to feel motivated to live again and move forward.
I’m certainly not anywhere near that now at 6 months in, and have hardly had anytime alone in those 6 months to be able to grieve for myself, which I really need to do.
Just one day at a time is all we can manage at the moment. Anything else is just too much.
Sending love and hugs xx
My husband died last March so I have already gone through the first winter on my own as my 15yr dog also died 6 mths after my husband. It was the worst winter I have ever known but in November I was called up for Jury service and got called to serve on a 3wk rape trial, grim you would say but it actually saved me as it got me out and was also really interesting, plus I made friends and still meet up now so it got me through that awful time. I have plans this winter as I have booked a few trips away because I cannot ever go through another winter/Xmas like that again
I feel the same, nothi g as any meaning anymore material things dont matter all I want is my husband back my life back that I feel I was robbed of.
I dont want the dark nights I am lonely enough now been closed in so early in the day is my worst nightmare.
Hugs Jo xxx
I’m with you Jo. What I wouldn’t give to have my Bill back with me.
Just put something in for my meal and every time I do this it upsets me ‘cos I just think this is it now.
Bill loved cooking and was always looking for new recipes to try out. That’s why I’ ve got a freezer full of food he was going to cook. I can hardly bear to look at it 'cos I know he wanted to use it.
Why does life have to be so hard, so pointless. I know we all feel very much the same but what can we do. All I seem to do is cry which doesn’t achieve anything apart from making me more miserable.
Sorry, I’m going on again.
One of the million awful things we have to face when we lose our husbands is our very own mortality too. We understand our parents are going to die before us but we never ever contemplate about our husbands dying, well I didn’t, it was only then that I stared my own death in the face because by the law of average, it’s us next. It’s the finality of life, it changes you forever, knowing most of our life is behind us and now mainly made up of memories stuck in a weird limbo land, knowing what’s already gone but not knowing what’s ahead. Everything feeling pointless, no real purpose and without our special person to motivate us and walk alongside life with us, it also hits home how quickly life goes by and how truly precious it is. I made a decision at the start of this year that I want to live it again, I want to be connected again and have a reason to be happy again and enjoy this life I now have. I am setting small achievable goals, just something to look forward to at the end of a week, end of a month and some yearly ones too. I will not allow grief to rob me of my own life, it’s already took a huge chunk of me. I will husband love and miss my husband but I don’t want to live in perpetual heartbreak, sadness and misery anymore so although it takes a lot of hard work and effort to start over again, I have turned a corner this year and I think we all have to keep building on the little wins/positives
Hello Rosie jack
I know what you mean when I am out with my lovely cocker spaniel I feel as if I am dragging my legs after me.Wading through treacle but I still have to move and get on with it.
This is truly a dreadful situation we find our selves trapped in for eternity .
I didn’t want it I want my own lovely life that we had before loving funny sometimes a bit
Niggly with each other.we shared everything
absolutely everything
I just long for my Sam and I too talk to him all the time.
I do hope you can manage at work it’s horrible
to have to cope with that as well.
Yes I have noticed the Xmas stuff in the shops and it’s coming at us full steam ahead and I am dreading it.
I don’t want to sit here on my own on Xmas eve
and I am choked as I can’t even contemplate
Getting up on my own on Xmas day.
I wonder how all of us feel about that.
I too have noticed that the messages and some
Calls have dwindled.
Life does go on for some of us though not as we knew it.
Most people have no idea what we are going through.
Sending you comfort. Doreen x
Morning Doreen.
Must admit I had a bit of a day yesterday.
I too am dreading winter and especially Christmas and new year, perhaps we can get Mr Scott to beam us all up for a group drink on Christmas Eve.
Take care hugs Ron.
I can’t explain this but I have been in floods of tears for most of this morning.
I hate this life without my Bill… I miss him more than words can say. I just can’t stand the thought of weeks and months stretching out without him. I love him so much.
Got to chose a colour of stone for his headstone this afternoon. Still can’t believe I’ve got to do this for him.
He wouldn’t want me to be like this but what can I do - the tears come like a waterfall and I can’t stop them. Life is just so pointless.
Morning Harriet I am also always in floods of tears but I have been told just to let the fall as its part of grieving.
Like yourself I cant envisage life without Gra.
But we have no choice !!! The pain is so hard to bare the lonilness is like nothing I can explain. But we have to just travel one day at a time and carry the pain foward and hopefully in time we will not hurt as much as we do now. Hugs Jo xxx
Morning Ron
I too have a really bad few days.
Weekends are always bad for me but this week it just went on and on.Really sad and miserable.
What a life !!!
What’s left of it!!!
Your suggestion sounds great to me unfortunately Mr Spock has also gone.
Wouldn’t it be great though if some of us could actually get together .
Well on with the chores if I can motivate myself.
Hope you have a better day.
Thinking of you much comfort .
Doreen x
To be honest Jane my wife was a bit of a bugger,she would start Christmas shopping in January,gradually over the year a spare bedroom would gradually fill with wrapping paper,presents,new lights etc.
My daughter seems to have taken on her mantle,I got a call over the weekend saying it’s ok dad I’ve got Rosie’s (my great grandaughter) Christmas present for you,that’s all kids and grandkids sorted🤷🏼♂️
Rosie jack
To read your post it really identifies with me.
I was wondering what kind of job you do to offer to work on our lords birthday just nosy really
As I have done it my self and so has my wonderful husband Sam as a police officer.
I remember vividly spending half of my
Xmas and new year on my own.
But he was always coming home to me.
We have all been there with the phone calls
and choosing who and not to answer same as the texts and whats app.
People are busy I know that but they say if there is any thing I can do ???.
Then we are at our worst and need a listening and supportive ear it feels very cruel and lonely
as we know full well they have now moved on with their normal and happy lives.
The merry Xmas is of course not true for many
People.
The shops full of music bright light and lovely
food etc was always over the top for us.
We enjoyed our own lovely version and we looked forward to it very much.
I don’t know how all of this will affect us.
I know lots of us have no other family or many friends.
This is going to be grim.
Sending you comfort Doreen x
Hi Doreen.
In the past being in the military I had to work on a few occasions over that period having been deployed,but I was always surrounded by a great group of guys,and my wife had the kids,in laws and her parents to celebrate with.
Sadly all gone and no more,so this year is gonna be a tough one.
Hugs Ron.
Reading your post like you my family /
parents are
Gone now and some close friends.We did have
some lovely family Xmas ‘s together.
I did read though you have a daughter and granddaughter .
Will they be with you at Xmas?
I did smile at the loving description of your lovely wife though.
I am / was the same with room being filled up with Xmas stuff.
I just sent our massive 8 foot prelit Xmas tree
To the tip.
It takes two to put it up!!!
No one has invited me yet to Xmas lunch.
We used to go to several pre Xmas lunch outings and really enjoyed our selves.
My Sam used to look forward to me making our
Xmas cake.
He always begged for a slice well before Xmas as it looked so delicious being laced with sherry.
I wished now I had said yes.
I have no children so my family is small now
and they all get on with their own lives.
Just as we did .
Lots of comfort Doreen x
Hi Rosie
Read your post.
Hard job you have got and well done you.
I know about the walks as I do that also.
What keeps me going on and doing that through tears and talking to my self and out loud is my little cocker spaniel lavender.
I know and see how much she grieves for her dad so I take her on her walks and see her change and forget for a while the stress and loss she must feel.
How on earth any of us move forward with all of this on our minds and the festive season to drag
Us down even further more miserable more lonely
Love and hugs Doreen x
Hi Doreen.
Yes I will be at my daughters for Christmas Day lunch,it was always held at ours until my wife was diagnosed,then for the past three years our daughter took it on.
Although all our decorations are still stored away I will not be putting them up.
I am not sure I ever will again.
Sending peace and comfort.
Ron.
I don’t think I’ll be putting up any Christmas decorations this year, apart from one that Bill bought me last year - a lovely train engine and carriage that light up and a large Father Christmas that he really wanted.
I know I’ll be told that Bill would want me to put up decorations but I just can’t. Bill and I spent Christmas together, with the family having been a week or so before. I don’t know how I’m going to face it. I don’t want to go to my stepdaughter ‘s. She’s very good but I really can’t face being with so many people. In a way I hope she doesn’t ask me’ cos I don’t want to upset her by refusing.
I’m still in floods of tears every morning, even after 12 weeks of Bill not being here. I really hate this life. It seems to be getting worse, not better.
It’s my birthday on Wednesday. The first one without my Bill. I guess I’ll be on my own - family working or away on holiday.
