It’s a little over 10 months since my husband died,eight weeks after his cancer diagnosis. Over the last week I have started to feel the grief getting more intense again.My tummy is in so many knots I don’t want to eat,which makes me feel worse.
Is this “normal”behaviour? I don’t want to see people but force myself out. I try to focus on the 50 years we had ….together and be positive,but it’s so hard….
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@Blue7 I totally understand it seems to be getting worse daily for myself I lost my partner of 25 years 6 months ago at home after I tried to resuistate I feel a total failure & 3 months after I lost my little brother. If it wasn’t for the fact that I look after my mum who needs 24 hour care due to severe brain damage I don’t think I would even get out of bed each day feels worse sending you strength and a hug
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So sorry for your loss this is terrible and I understand.
My husband passed away 17 weeks ago after 43 years together wonderful years.
As I write these words I am still in shock and just cannot believe he is gone.
He passed away on a Saturday and as every weekend approaches I feel sick and trembly.
I feel like you in knots and want it to go away but it hasn’t and I don’t think it ever will.
I don’t want to eat and don’t cook proper meals
any more.
My wonderful Sam wouldn’t want me to be like this and I wouldn’t be if he hadn’t gone.
I can see his face and I talk to him all day.
The sun is shining but I can’t enjoy our lovely
garden with out him.
I have friends and family call in who ring me and text me every day.
It’s not Sam to know he is never coming back
Is soul destroying.
Can any one offer any advice how to cope.
Reaching out to offer comfort to everyone.
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I think it gets worse when the shock and numbness starts wearing off.I,m 15 months into this and it’s got worse since the 12 month mark,as soon as I wake up I just feel anxious knots in my stomach and just want to stay in bed and sleep so I don’t have to get through another day without him.
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@Blue7 i thought it was just me. It was 11 months last Wednesday that he died, and I’m crying my eyes out all the time when I’m alone and trying to hide it when I’m not.
When will it get easier??
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It is 12 months for me and I feel exactly the same. No-one understands why I still feel the way I do. I have lost friends. I am very lonely and have no family.
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Sending love and understanding to you all.
I’m the same
X x
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Hello flower garden
Just reading your post .
I agree so many people do not seem to understand what a traumatic life event this loss is to us.
They will one day.We all know that.
I am always so sad when I read all our posts but it does make you realise you are not alone and it is upsetting to absolutely know how others are
Feeling we all have empathy sympathy and compassion for each other.
I was wondering when you said you have lost friends is that because they don’t care or because they don’t understand.
Thinking of you and sending you comfort.
Doreen xx
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A friend who helped me a lot when my partner died then became controlling - telling me what to do, what to eat, telling me to move on now its been 12 months. I got very frustrated and ended up having an argument and she put the phone down and said she cannot help me any more.
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Hello flower garden
I am sorry to hear about your friend.
Sounds like some one trying to be a friend to you but not able to cope at all.
I too have experienced this .
Some people I think well meaning, tell you to eat and what to eat.Not understanding that
We can’t eat can’t be bothered to cook just for one any more.Wonder why we say what’s the point.
They are sitting with their family and loved ones
At home enjoying them selves.
As we used to do.
When I read on here the dreadful circumstances
Of the passing of our dearly loved ones it is truly
shocking .
Especially to those of us who have endured this.
A family member when I was a bit sharp with her
About her stupid and unfeeling comments has not spoken to me since. Has not been to even
see me.
She expects an apology from me.
Well she will wait a very long time.
We don’t want friends like that these people
Like you say controlling and toxic are not true
friends
I expect by now most of us have found out who our friends and kindly people are.
I have neighbours who I really hardly know
who have been kinder.
Really thinking of you try your best and think about your self.
It is you who matter not your selfish friend.
Sending you comfort
Doreen xx
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Thank you. A friend who I told about the situation said the same as you - look after your own health. I am suffering from depression and they just made it worse by their nasty messages. At first she was very kind and helped me and I was always grateful and showed it but now she says that I am treating her badly after all she has done. She was the one who fell-out with me and I even offered an olive branch to make things up but she did not want to!! Unfortunately they are a near neighbour so I feel very uncomfortable going past their house.
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Yes I agree with that. That is exactly how I am feeling
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I really can sympathise and feel great empathy and love for you all.
My husband passed away 7months ago due to him loosing his battle with his 3 rd lot
of Cancer.
Its a long story he had 5 months of going into hospital for an operation lots of things not going right bravely suffered it all while me and my family trying to support him as much as we could.
We have been left traumitised sad and a great sense of loss but we cant change it.
I feel worse now than I did in the begining its all so permanent and lonely from within.
I try and put on a brave face in front of people but this weekend just couldnt stop crying still cant.
Some friends and people are kinder and more supportive than others.
As you are all probably aware some say silly unhelpful things others are more supportive.
Time is supposed to make it better to me it is making it worse . No easy answers Im afraid .
Love to you all x
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My husband passed away 10 weeks ago. What am I on a worse state now than a few weeks ago. I miss him more and more every day. The tears are flowing more and more and when they start it’s so difficult to stop.
Mid morning he used to say “how about a coffee” and I want to hear that again. I’d say “do you want a biscuit with it” the reply always came back “oooh yeah”. I’m now in floods of tears because I know I’ll never hear that again. I feel like all the life has been sucked out of me - I just don’t want to go on anymore. 
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I guess I’ve said all these things so often in different places that you’re all fed up with reading the same things. I’ve got nowhere else to offload - sorry. It’s just when I make coffee in a morning I want to hear Bill’s voice and I know it’s not going to happen and its heartbreaking.
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Hello Harriet
I am so sorry I read your posts and I understand
Your grief.
It is just so absolute so horrible and quite terrifying final.
Nothing we can do or ever change to make it better ever.
My Sam used to say so many little trivial things
I long to hear again.
Like what’s for tea ? Are there any scones?
At night let’s watch corrie.
In the evening well I think it’s beddy by boes time.
I could scream out loud as I sit here on my own
no one who has not experienced this can never
Understand.
Like you this is our reality now and I don’t know how I can cope with this.
We were married 43 years and lived our lives for each other now all gone.
We can only hope and pray some how things will
get a little easier.
Keep posting and I send you and everyone else
my love
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I lost my wife in January to cancer. We were married 50 years. I am also having the same fealings. I think its the realisation that its all reality and that this is my life now without my Helen. She is not coming back she is gone. I cant hold her on my arms or kiss her.
I can’t explain the loneliness or the dispair that grips me without warning when I reach out at night and she is not there. Memories are both happy and sad at the same time. I have her ashes at home and I talk to her often. It somtimes helps to think she hears me.
All I can do is be strong because that’s what she would want me to do, as I would have wanted if it were me that had passed. 
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No, it is not at all strange to me that you feel worse again today. It comes and goes. Some things trigger memories good and bad, and both hurt because you can’t share them with your best friend.
My husband died at the end of December also after a cancer diagnosis, colon cancer, Stage 1. He went in for “comparatively simple surgery” on 21 November, having been told he would be out in 7 days.
He suffered hypoxic brain damage 16 days later after surgery and after care all went wrong. Of course, it took weeks for the medics to confirm just how badly he had been damaged (it was bad)
We were married for 32 years, 6 months, 28 days and 12 and a half hours, and the last 12 and a half hours were after they took out his ventilator to let him die.
I just had today an update from the Coroner’s Clerk: the Inquest will be held on 15 and 16 January 2025.
Today, I have also been making a start getting his car ready to sell. Just a car, but it had been the first new car he ever bought: it’s full of memories.
Once again, I feel a crushing pain. I sometimes feel that I wouldn’t try to go on if not for our cat, because the last thing he said to me "Just go home now and cuddle Scamp, and I’ll see you tomorrow. I love you, " We still believed we had forever.
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Hello busker
I have read your post and I am so sorry.
I only have to read your words to know absolutely how dreadful you feel.
Your Helen was so lucky to have a wonderful man in her life who clearly loved her to bits.
I know what that feels like as my Sam adored me. Now he is gone my life is as nothing.
Where do we go from here what is left for us now.
I have my Sam’s ashes here he is on our hearth and I have lovely candles around him.
I also talk to him all the time .
People call but my visitors are less now.
Sam passed away 18 weeks ago and I had absolutely no idea he was going to die.
He went into hospital they said he had a chest infection which went to pneumonia.
I thought he would recover we had both had the
Pneumonia jab.
Then he was gone the love of life just went off and left me.
I have a brother who rings me every day and a really special friend who I talk to every evening as I know that is my worst time.
I go out every day with my dog who is my little
Saviour and I chat to neighbours and other dog walkers.
I have no children.
Nothing though like you say will ever ever
Make the longing the despair and loneliness
Go away how can it?
I want someone to explain to me what it is I can do to help my self, all of us
Sending you much love Doreen
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