Hi guys it’s almost 6 months since I lost my beautiful husband, he was only 52 and I feel I am going downhill, I’m just so lonely and my heart is broken beyond repair, I keep having flashbacks of the horrendous days before Tony died and it’s just destroying me,
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Cookie, I am so sorry that your husband died. Mine did too. It is horrible, isn’t it? I am sorry that you are having vivid memories of the bad days before he died. It is trauma that you are reliving - your trauma.
I have a favorite photo of my husband and when the bad visions come, I switch to that photo in my head.
You’ve already survived the worst days of your life. In another 12 months, you will be in a different place mentally and physically. I promise. The pain will not be so intense, the crying jags will be less frequent and “surviving” will become “living” again.
Life will never be the same. Yours changed forever. It is hard to adapt to this new existence. It takes time. Lots of time.
Train yourself to think of the happy days, not the last few that were so tragic. There are a thousand times more happy days than horrible ones. Dwell on them.
It is okay to not be okay. None of us here are okay and only widows and widowers understand this loss. So, speak freely here, you are amongst friends. We get it.
Much love.
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Sending a hug
I feel the same , I know that isn’t really any help, but speak the feelings here and knowing you are not alone will I am sure help in some way
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Hi @Cookie1973, I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband 29 weeks ago, and like you, I’ve felt worse as time has gone on. I too have flashbacks every single day - my husband collapsed in front of me from a sudden heart attack and I had to perform CPR. I feel like I’m reliving it on repeat. I wish I could say something to help, but I can only pray that those images will ease with time. Just know that you’re not alone in this, and people on here totally understand what you’re going through. Wishing you love and strength to get through this x
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Hi Lin20 thank you very much for your reply, I’m so sorry for your loss, that must have been so painful for you, The flashbacks are just awful. Do you have any family or friends around?
Hi Cookie1973,
I am so sorry for the loss of your husband and the pain you are going through. My wife died six weeks ago today and I am reliving every minute of that horrific morning. She died suddenly and was only 57.
People keep telling me things will improve with time. I know it’s only six weeks for me but I am feeling worse each day. It might be the shock wearing off and the reality of it all finally hitting me but I am finding it more difficult to cope as time goes on.
The loneliness is getting harder each day. I have no family support and my friends are all getting on with their happy lives.
I try to keep myself busy to distract me from the flashbacks but they are still there and won’t go away.
It’s absolutely unbearable. x
Morning Dave, thank you for your reply, I’m so sorry for your loss, it is very early days for you and the pain is just horrendous isn’t it?
My daughter lives with me but other than that I am pretty much on my own, the loneliness is really difficult, I haven’t gone back to work yet and I have decided I won’t now until after Christmas which is going to be just horrendous without Tony.
You can contact me on here anytime you need, i just take each day at a time at the moment but the last couple of weeks have been horrible
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Hi @Cookie1973, yes thankfully I have a daughter who couldn’t be more supportive. I do have some friends I can do things with, but it’s always been just me and my husband. We did absolutely everything together and pretty much kept to ourselves. We didn’t need anyone else, but that just makes it all the harder when you lose them.
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Hi Lin 20 you sound just the same as me and my husband, we did everything together and even worked in the same building, another reason I can’t face going back to work right now.
It does make things worse doesn’t it just having a few friends, I’ve realised people only want to see you when it’s not weekends when they are busy with their plans but I understand that, I imagine people will be thinking it’s almost 6 months now, why haven’t I got a grip
Thank you Cookie1973.
The pain and and the loneliness are unbearable and if anything they’re getting worse. I am glad you have your daughter for support. I really need to be with people and I’m trying to get out as much as I can but the agony is always there.
I am also trying to deal with each day as it comes but I have started to feel worse over the last few days. I think it’s a combination of reality setting in, friends drifting away and the dreaded Christmas fast approaching.
I really hope things improve for you the best they can in this awful situation. It’s so, so hard but thankfully we are all here to help us through this nightmare.
Sending you hugs, Dave. x
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Yes, I feel the same that people are probably thinking I should be getting better by now, but I think that gaping hole in our lives will always be there. I just want to be able to speak about him and say how much I miss him, but I don’t feel I can do that other than with my daughter. Unless they’ve been through it, I don’t think others understand and probably our pain makes them uncomfortable. I have to admit, I didn’t know how hard it would be to live with until it happened to me.
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hi i lost my husband 6 months ago we had been married for 47 years my Grandaughter and her son have been staying with me for a long while even when their grandad was alive but now they move into their own home everything just keeps changing and i just want my husband back i feel the last few days are getting harder but i feel for everybody who is in the same boat its just so hard and sad
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Hi DAVE, I too feel the pain and loneliness is getting worse. I have no family and few friends, I have to get out of the house all day. I have to be where there are actually people, I still feel lonely but I have to be where people are. It’s 9 weeks for me and I find people think you must be used to it by now, they have no idea. Like all of us I am dreading Xmas I just want it over. I just went to a meeting at a cafe and lots of things were suggested to me. Places to go etc, whilst good I couldn’t quell the feeling that welled up inside me, I just want to be with my husband, I wouldn’t need all these things then. Just us together that’s all we both wanted. It’s do excruciatingly sad
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I too have flashbacks and worries could I have done anything different, better. The flashbacks are getting less now, I try to block them, shut my thought process to them. It isn’t easy and I picture sciences, but I’m trying. I’ve been told I should see a Dr, get some medication but I really don’t want to
Hi Lost12,
I understand completely. People do think you should be over it after a few weeks. They ignore me now if I mention Lillian. I haven’t got over the shock yet, never mind the grief.
I am going to treat Christmas Day like any other day, if I can. Whatever I do, Lillian won’t be here and she’s all I want so, so badly. Christmas was always just us too. January can’t come quick enough.
I can’t bear being alone in the house. I am going with a friend to watch my local football team play at Southport tonight. It will be freezing but at least I will be away from the house and with other people. I just won’t mention Lillian.
Thinking of you and sending a hug,
Dave.
DAVE, I’m glad I’m not alone in hating being alone in the house. Most people I’ve asked seem to have been OK. I think it’s there that missing your loved one is most obvious. It’s there they would be. I’m trying to stay a while indoors as you say it’s so cold now. But I’m not going to force myself the way I feel that would be a mistake. Next week I’ve booked a cottage away for a few nights. It’s a experiment I want to see how I feel somewhere else, without the familiar surroundings and all my husband’s belongings. I won’t be celebrating Xmas, I too will be glad when the couple of days have past. X
That’s a good idea to get away for a few days, Lost12. I hope it goes okay for you.
I have woken up to an empty bed again and a cold, silent house. I hate being here. None of us deserve this nightmare.
I just want Lillian back. I miss her so, so much.
It dawned on me wherever I go, I will be alone in a house, and I hate it. I was OK with my own company at one time now I’m a bit scared on my own, a panic, I can’t say what of its just how I feel. It all seems so pointless, I was caring for my husband now I have nothing I have to do.
I don’t know how I will feel being away, I won’t know until I try it. I will still be very lonely it won’t go. But I wonder if different surroundings will somehow make it easier.
I just want my husband back, everything will be good if I had him. The problem with loving as so much is the grief will be so hard
I know, Lost12.
Wherever I go, Lillian’s not there. She should be here, she was only 57.
I would do anything to have her back. She always made everything right. Losing her has absolutely destroyed me. 