Going back to work

Well I lost my Rob suddenly to a heart attack on the 1 September of this year , I totally shocked my world I didn’t eat or sleep for two weeks ( I’m now getting a little appetite back and sleep is hit and miss). and cried for most if that time too. I fetched Robs ashes the other day and somehow I find a bit of comfort in that having him home ,I never thought I would but I do.
I am a carer and yesterday I started back to work only 2-3 days a week my staff team and manager were so supportive I couldn’t have asked for more and I will be eternally grateful for that. I know it’s only 4 weeks since my Rob passed away but I needed to get something else other than staying at home dealing with his estate and waiting for the kids to visit after their working day . I suppose I’m writing all of this to justify why I have returned to work only 4 weeks after but that doesn’t mean I have forgotten him he will be in my heart and thoughts for eternity he was my rock , my teacher , my friend, my husband and I feel honoured that he chose me to spend his life with him .

Dear kazzer
There is no need to explain . I was not ready for work for about 10 weeks and was nervous about returning . Lost my husband suddenly too and my way of coping was and still is to keep busy . Going back to work was the best thing for me too. Hardest thing was the commute and coming back to an empty house . I found leaving lbc on the radio playing whilst I was out made it easier somehow as it was not silent when I came through the door .
Take care Trisha x

Hi Trisha thank you for your swift reply. I have to admit I was dreading come in from work last night at 10pm to an empty house but then my son in law asked if he could come down to watch footy on sky . So I now still have that bridge to cross but unfortunately it has to be done some things are out of our control x x❤️

Well done Kazzer for returning to work. I too returned after 4 weeks and it was the best thing for me. Like Trisha, I need to keep busy; it’s been one of my coping strategies. Going back to work wasn’t easy, far from it but I knew it was something I needed to do sooner rather than later. I was nervous about meeting people. I felt different. I knew there would be hugs which would bring tears and there were and they did. I work in a large local authority building so lots of people. I soon settled down though and quickly returned to a normal working day which was massively helpful to me.
Of course it doesn’t mean you’ve forgotten your man. In fact he would be so proud of you. My David came to work with me as he’s constantly in my head and heart. I can’t get rid of him. :wink: Nor would I want to. He’s with me for life. It’s the only way I can do this. Love never dies. :two_hearts::sparkling_heart::heart:

3 Likes

Hi Kazzer,
Sympathise for your loss. If going back to work at this time is right for you that is fine, nothing wrong in that. There is no right and wrong with bereavment, that is what I have learnt.
I lost my wife on the 28 Aug,so it is all very raw at the moment. I went back work 3 weeks after her death. It felt right for me, it give me something to focus on and make the slow start at my new life even though I hurt so much at loosing her. My wife fought cancer for 3 yrs recovering from several surgeries as she wanted to live. She would not have wanted me to give up.
Going back to work for me helps with living especially the work force I am part of. They do not understand the pain and heartache but they are supportive and they give you a distraction.
Gary

1 Like

Hi Gary you are so right there is no right or wrong way when grieving you just have to do what’s best for you .
Just because you do things differently to others they can and do judge and that’s what I live about this site there is never any judgment we all understand each other and empathise with each other I have taken a lot of comfort in this site . I am so sorry to read about your loss and your brave lady. Sending hugs and stay safe x

Hi i lost my husband aged 53 in July. We would have been married for 10 years on the 16th of October. I am planning to go back to work next week, although I have been off since March as he was diagnosed with cancer then. I am feeling very nervous about going back. But like you i do think it’s the best thing to do. I got a wee dog for company and to give me a reason to get up in the morning and out the house. Otherwise I would just sit in all day. Take care xx

Loobyloo going back to work was a plus and both my kids have said they were glad to go back to work if just to help you to focus on something else for a few hours . Take care x x

Hi there Kazzer
You have nothing to justify you are doing what is right for you. When I lost my husband I didn’t have work to return to but would have gone back willingly rather than sit at home being miserable. I too need something to focus on and stay busy which is also my way of coping. However my husband and I had allotments and I was allowed to keep his as well as my own. Four days after his death I went back to the allotments and wondered if I could really be bothered. I am so pleased I did keep them, they have given me something to do and although hard work I enjoy what I do and find the other members have been very kind, I work there four days a week. Brian had drawn me a plan of how he wanted his plot to look and had even ordered the seeds which arrived two weeks after his death. Working on his plot means I am working with him. I just know he’s keeping an eye on me. I still have his name at the top of his plot.
I never come home to an empty house as I have my two dogs who give me such a warm welcome that I am entirely grateful for their love.
Good luck to you.
xxxx

1 Like

Pattidot wow I think it’s wonderful that you keep both allotments going in his memory too and it’s equally wonderful you feel you are still working there together . Keep up the good work and keep enjoying. I know what you mean about the dogs to return to I have three chihuahuas I wouldn’t want to be without them, what I do find now though is I feel guilty leaving them . Take care and stay safe x

Going to work can help many people get their mind off their grief for a little while, if it works for you, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. There was an article about a manager who went to work two days after his wife died of cancer because just sitting at home would make him worse.

1 Like

Hi Kazzer
I also feel guilty leaving my two dogs although I am sure they don’t mind. In the early days I found that I was totally lost if I hadn’t got them with me. I needed them rather than them needing me. I rarely go anywhere without them though. Voluntary work was offered to me but I wouldn’t consider anything where I couldn’t have my dogs with me, although I have more than enough to do. I do however help out at a local church keeping the churchyard tidy and my dogs lie near to me watching. So it’s ideal.
If I had been at work I would have returned within days also. I was back on the allotment plots withing four days of losing Brian.
Pat xx

1 Like

Hi my husband died unexpectedly 6 months ago. I was in shock for about 2 months. I miss him so much but going back to work was one of the best things I did. I went back 4 months after he died but at one stage I didn’t think I could ever return. Work has given me focus and a bit of normality which is so important in this time of upheaval in my life. I went back part time but it’s helped me so much. Take care

1 Like

I went back to work 3 months after I lost my beloved Frankie. I did a very brave thing as I changed location and job role. I couldn’t face everyone treating me differently. This leap of faith has paid off for me. After a month in my new role I have routine and structure to my day. Everyone has been lovely and I am starting to settle in. The hours are better and I’m closer to home. I still hate coming back to an empty house though. That will take time💙

1 Like

Dear Marina
My circumstances were very similar to yours. I went back to work after about three months and I realised very soon that whilst it took me a while to get back into the full stresses of the job - it too was the best thing for me. Was on furlough for three months and had to fill my time with decorating, gardening etc. Have now been working at home for three months and it really helps to fill the days and keep my brain from thinking too much. I also found a friend on this site who used to chat to me on my journey - which my husband used to do. This helped so much with the tears and leaving LBC on Alexa - also helped with coming home to a house with some noise in.
xx

2 Likes

Thanks for sharing. I miss my best friend so much. Tony was the one person I felt completely comfortable with. The house is so quiet now without him. Some days are so hard and lonely. Lonely for him, my sweet husband.

Marina2 I totally understand your pain I too miss my Rob it’s seven weeks today since he passed away very suddenly without any warning . And like you my house is so quiet without him he was such a big character. I too feel very lonely it’s good we have a site like this to get support from other who are going through or gone through the same process as us and so are the best people to give advice and guidance. But it’s always nice to have that face to face contact but that is proving very difficult with the present situation the world is in right now. We have to stay strong for our other halves that’s why they chose us to be their other halves . Stay strong sending hugs x

1 Like

Dear Kazzer be kind to yourself. 7 weeks is so early in your grief journey. 6 months on for me the fog has lifted and now I’m dealing with the reality of my husband’s death. Look after yourself and let people care for you. Take care

Im thinking about going back to work in few weeks, which will be 5 weeks after losing my husband. I feel it would be better to go because i will just sit at home all day and cry. I have 2 dogs so never alone but cant imagine not doing anything day in day out. Im frontlin staff so im scared about coversations with patients in case i get upset. Going into work with a friend first to get that over with. Part of me feels guilty for going out with friends and going to work,feels like im moving on without him

Hi Julie,
I lost my wife and soulmate 8 weeks ago. It broke my heart loosing her and life is tough without her.
I went back to work after 2 weeks, it felt right for me and it was one of the hardest things I have done after loosing her, but I am glad I did it. It gives me purpose and distraction for part of the day. There is no right and wrong time to go back to work, it is purely down to how you feel. I will quite often cry driving to work thinking of my wife, but work and people around me helps. Take care.

1 Like