I have just passed the first anniversary of my husband death, my best friend and her partner had invited me on holiday with them in September but the company wont take me because i am single and only double rooms left and the price is per person. I dont know why this has upset me so much. It is a reminder of his not being here. I understand its not personal but it feels it. Holiday’s dont feel worth the trouble now and i feel socially unacceptable and a burden as a single person. Is it always going to be like this.
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That’s such a shame, I’ve just booked my first solo holiday. Its been 3 years since my husband died. The company I booked with did’nt have any single rooms left either, but allowed me to pay a supplement for a double room. Could you ask if they would do the same.
Debbie x
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No we tried, i told my friend not to bother, thankyou for the reply, i thought i was doing ok, its weird the things that trip you up.
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Sometimes it’s the little things that are so upsetting - and it’s hard when the world is geared towards couples.
Not sure what I’ll do - holidays no longer appeal - used to be my favourite thing to do with my husband and family.
So sorry it hasn’t worked out this time but don’t give up. X
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Wow, i am so glad I joined this online group, just reading the replies has made me feel better x
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I went on holiday last year and had to waste loads extra money because under occupancy. This year struggle to find suitable holiday. Hate coach holidays.
Just don’t hit spot.
All just struggle to get on/off and sit having to stomach their itinerary not choice. Hate mass eating and sitting by strangers all squoshed like a sardines in a tin.
So looking at problems alone not being fit enough to walk a long way transporting stuff.
Just want close to sheltered beach with place to swim but how can you leave your stuff unattended alone? Need accessable to public transport shops. I can’t take car too far to drive and difficult to drive hired car in places where unsure. Just want to paint/read and simple. My anxiety holds me back. I had a nice day with my son yesterday visiting lovely garden and meal out. Nice day with grandsons to zoo and swimming. Nice break with son and grandsons to Butlins long weekend. So not all doom and gloom
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I am the same with the driving part, my husband didn’t drive but was a wonderful navigator, and if i hired a car i would just get lost and the anxiety is stopping me too x
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I’m going on holiday in a few weeks. It’s a holiday that was pre booked for us as a family. My sister is taking the place of my Kev but how will I cope. This is a place we went to last year, same hotel also. I’m dreading seeing us everywhere I go. Think it was a mistake that I agreed to go along? It’s been almost 8 months on for me and still have days where it’s like it all happened yesterday. I just don’t know how I’m going to cope.
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My holiday is a coach one, the company was recommend to me by my sister, she is on her own too.
I’ve never driven and when my husband had to give up driving due to his health we also did coach holidays. Once there you don’t have to follow their itinerary, we often didn’t go on the day trips and did out own thing. I don’t mind table sharing at mealtimes either. I do swim mostly in swimming pools, but I do love to go to the beach and for a paddle in the sea.
We did a holiday by train once, by coach was much easier you don’t have to worry about your luggage.
Since my husband died every year in October half-term which is when his birthday is. We book a large house and go on holiday with my daughter, son, their partners and all the grandchildren and the dog.
But I do agree. Life is mostly set up for couples and families from food shopping to holidays.
Debbie x
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I agree going to new places is easier. My sister and best friend have been wonderful since my husband died. But now its been a year everyone has started to get back to their own life a bit, which is understandable and i feel stuck. He had been by my side for 27 years so i mention him constantly, or did now i am just going quiet because I am worried i am boring people .x
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@jules1950 How brave of you to keep that holiday and try to see how it goes. I’m sure it won’t be easy and will bring up a huge range of emotions and memories but maybe even if one brings a smile of you and your Kev and your past holiday together then that’s a little step through the pain.
I don’t think it’s a mistake to try, and I try to think of these type of things as just learning as to what helps and what doesn’t. And those things can change over time.
Me and my husband had several concerts planned for this year and he wanted me to still go to them, so I went to the first one and it was awful - I just cried and couldn’t enjoy it at all. So I plan now to go to some - those concerts that don’t have some backstory - but will miss others as it would just be too hard. I think he would be ok with that.
My dad died 7 years ago and my mum avoided places that reminded her of him including all her children’s homes, even though she had grandchildren who wanted to see her. She now hardly goes out and sadly the grandkids have stopped visiting as much as their lives have gotten busier ( as it should be ) and they get a bit annoyed that it is all one way effort, with her having missed all sorts of events where they wanted her to be there but she said it was too hard.
I know I don’t want to spend the rest of my life missing out even though at times it might be hard or even not the right decision.
I find my husband is in my head all day long anyway and everything reminds me of him at the moment.
Makes sure those around you know how you feel, take lots of tissues and I’m sending lots of strength your way so you can manage. Xxx
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I love seeing my grandsons. I think of my husband missing the chance. But don’t want to deprived my grandsons of our love and tell them he would have been pleased when they do well. I tell them stories about him which they like to hear. I like to keep his memory alive.
There are his photos out to remind us.
So the little one can recall how he looked
They still feel sad but help to put nice bits to decorate his resting place to make it look nice.
I was hurt when someone who disapproved criticising saying she didn’t like her family making her husband’s rest place into a shrine when it helped them and I thought she was being selfish. Just because her religious beliefs are different. But our local vicar aways put loads bedding plants on his wife’s grave.
So he didn’t think it was a shrine
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Thank you Roni. It will be very difficult that I know for sure. Hopefully I will smile at memories from last year as we had a such a good time away. Family are with me so I consider myself very lucky. Thanks for your kind words. I wish you all the best. Your Mom, what a shame that she must feel she can’t move forward. We are all different in our grief. I will hopefully one day be able to not fake smile and look back with smiles and not total sadness. I was lucky I had a good marriage and was very happy in my life. Doubt that happiness I had will ever totally come back but with time I’m sure I will learn to live with this pain inside and move somewhere forward with my life. Hugs to you xxx
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I think that’s all we really hope for isn’t it - to be able to look back with happiness and love and not feel in so much pain.
Hopefully we will all here get there at some point. - time, working through the pain , and some putting ourselves out there will hopefully help.
Take care and sending hugs back xx
Hi everyone. I’ve just returned from a family holiday that was booked last year. Kev should have been with us. Do I go, do I cancel, what should I do were all the thoughts going through my head since last October when Kev passed away. I decided to go with our girls and partners, my sister took Kevs place. It was tough, emotional, I kept seeing him/us everywhere (we were there last June together). On the whole I tried to made the most of it but all I wanted to do was cry the whole time. I miss him so much in every way. I don’t know how I’m coping. Will I ever be me again. I’m a person that somedays I recognise then others I don’t. I’m just not me anymore. I thought I was making progress in my grief journey slightly but no it’s as though it happened a week ago. I’m just not coping again.
My heart aches for him. How do I go forward, how did I think I was going forward in my journey. At work I’m focused on my tasks and I’m ok (no time to think).
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Hi i sorry to hear every thing your going through, i felt the same when i wrote that post originally, right back there, raw and painful. But a few weeks on and my sister have booked a short break abroad, some where i have never been before. Work is a wonderful distraction isn’t it. When i think of going away with out him i am filled with anxiety, but for me i know I have to do the difficult things and hope it will be easier the next time, maybe one day may be i will look forward to holidays. I wish you all good and happy things in the future.
I am slowly getting used to being on my own.
That there is me to try to do it now.
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Hi. I agree the next time it might be easier. I’ve had a good day today at work, I’ve actually laughed a genuine one, wow! It’s a horrible unpredictable journey we are all following. A colleague said to me today. Do you know what your doing ok aren’t you. My answer was, yes today I’m doing ok. Good job that person wasn’t a fly on the wall because when I got home I wasn’t smiling I was asking Kev again why have you left me all alone. Im full of emotion and anger again. Tomorrow is another day I guess. I have outbursts when I’m on my own of pure anger and anxiety. Think I may get a punch ball and gloves maybe that’s the answer. Does anyone else feel this way. Xxx
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Like idea of idea of ball. Wish my husband had not got rid of the real punchball that was in our garage.
Reminds me that at one time I used to go to a boxing gym
Perhaps I should do it again. It used to be online
Last year got rid of some of it digging but killed off some stuff doing that now loads weeds.
I used to go to boxercise classes, it was very therapeutic, i get so angry with my husband as well and say awful things to his photo, then i have to deal with guilt after.