I fully understand and except what has happened to me. I will never be right with it as I might have 10 20 years before I go that’s a lot of pain to bear for anyone.
I don’t go out I don’t speak to anyone at all I want to die on my own and not meet anyone till I see lynne again.
@Jodel712 I am glad you have reached acceptance of your loss. I’m only 7 weeks & 6 days since losing my husband and I feel I’ll never be able to accept it. But why is it that no one wants to talk about our loved ones or mention their name? I am finding this more and more and it really irritates me.
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The problem is that people think mentioning their name may upset you & yes sometimes it does but I wish people realised that not mentioning them is so much worse. I bring Derek up all the time because he’s in everything that has made me me if that makes sense & it’s the only thing that makes me carry on. Whilst I’m still here My Derek will not be forgotten 
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I want people like family to talk about Lynne all the time it keeps her fresh and relevent always. She gets fresh roses every 2 days and kisses it keeps me a bit sane. Love to you all
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@Jodel712 @Dave1162 I talk about my husband a lot but find no one else does, even family. I find it strange as we talked about him plenty when he was alive. It’s like everyone feels uncomfortable mentioning his name and I don’t want that. Strange times indeed.
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Hi. Life is hell I am empty and destroyed I can find no meaning in anything at all .
Every fibre in my body longs to be with her. Even if there’s no afterlife I don’t care the thought of years of this pain is to much to bare.
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I feel exactly the same , I cannot imagine going on without Bry . I feel physically sick every day . I pray my time will come soon . I could end it all if I’m honest but 1, not sure I am brave enough to do it & don’t want to put my kids through it either but I do pray every day that my day comes soon and I can just be taken as quickly as Bry was but knowing h my luck that’s not gonna happen 
so got now I’m trying my best go plod on and exist, I’m not happy , I see no purpose, but I have no choice right now 
Big hugs xx
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I used to write a lot about my feelings when the pain was raw, now I find it much harder, I wrote this poem yesterday.
I’m just thinking…
I’ve not written anything for a while
I’m thinking is that good or bad
Honestly I don’t know
I’m just finding it hard to share …
When pain is raw it’s all consuming
I needed to pour my heart out
It was easier to explain
When it’s part of you, it’s just there…
People around don’t always know
You’re still carrying the hurt
You learn to hide it better
It becomes a little easier to bear…
I’m thinking perhaps this is healing
There’s less torment in my head
I’m carrying you in my heart
I’ll take you with me everywhere …
My One, My Derek, My Always
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It is hell @Dave1162. And it often seems like there isn’t a path but we are somehow built to endure this. Please hang onto some wee bit of hope whereever you can find it and keep reaching out here.
I’ve written to Martin a lot since he died. Sometimes a lot and some times a couple of lines. It is always painful but it brings me some peace now too.
Xx
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@Dave1162
I wish I had some profound words of wisdom but I don’t. I too live in this absurd unreal world trying to find a way to undo it all. There’s no quick fix. All of this is meant to be painful and awful. How can it be anything else? But we ARE able to make it through. We just need to feel all of this before we can. Please don’t give up x
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@Dave1162 please don’t give up, it will get easier to bear, though the grief will always be there & over 3 years on I still have very bad days.
Me & my husband met at a time of our lives when we were both in a bad place. We healed each other, we completed each other & when he passed away at 59 I lost part of myself & I felt like you do now, no point, no reason to carry on.
But & I believe with all my heart that My Derek gave me the strength to carry on & be there for our daughters & be there when they sadly lost their first babies & needed strength & be there when our first grandchild was born. I talk to Derek everyday & I take him with me everywhere. I live for him, he lives on in me & that keeps me going.
I hope you let your beautiful wife help you carry on, take care & keep in touch
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