Mbg - don’t think too far into the future. Take life an hour at a time. Otherwise, you will collapse. Grieving your husband and your lost future is too much to take on at once.
At least that is how I cope.
Much love.
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Katy, one of the first things I did was toss all the food that only my husband ate. The uneaten food was too much to see when I opened the fridge or the pantry.
I hate everything about this too.
Much love.
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I completely empathise with everything you have said. My husband died in March and I feel completely lost. He was the one who dealt with all the admin and always told me ‘ don’t worry everything will be alright’. I was the one who always dealt with the home, the family and all their problems. People always said we were the perfect team. We had both been widowed at a young age previously so we made every day of our twenty seven years together count.
People say to me ‘you are doing really well’ , mostly people who have never lost their soulmate, which just makes me angry and frustrated at their lack of understanding. So, I am not going to say to you ‘you are doing really well’ , however the fact that you have written such a meaningful post means that you are trying and your Wife must be so proud of you. I tell my husband every day how much I love him and remember him saying ‘don’t worry everything will be alright’.
This is the first time I have replied to a post so thank you for expressing your grief. I think it helps in some small way to help others who are suffering an enormous loss.
Take care .
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Thank you for your kind words
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Morning, I’ve been reading through all these posts that reflect and understand what I’m going through. It’s 6 months today since my rock, soulmate, half of me passed way. Married 38yrs, three days after my 60th and 2 days before he retired - no illness no warning massive heart attack out of the blue - sorry I just have to say all that as it’s so painful and a lot of people just don’t understand but I know you all will, thank you. As you say it’s grieving them and the future you’d planned. Some days are better than others. We moved to Norfolk three years ago to a rural property with land as part of our ‘next adventure’, my husbands long held dream. I feel lonely and overwhelmed by it all and I expect to see him everywhere which at the moment doesn’t give me comfort but pain.
I’m sorry everyone I think today’s particularly hard and I’m offloading all my thoughts. Thank you.
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You dont need to be sorry for sharing your feelings my love. I’m finding that I desperately want to feel Peter’s presence around me, to feel secure and a whole person again. I also feel panicked when I think of life without him and I still can’t take in the fact that he isn’t here. Im going to force myself to leave the house today, I don’t want to, but staying in makes my emotions too overwhelming. Its like a flight or fight feeling. Sending you love and support whenever you need it x
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We all need somewhere to just offload with people who understand, no judgement just support, we are listening, hugs.
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Totally agree Atrum. To talk like we do on this amazing chat group but away from the home, maybe a coffee morning type group. Unfortunately there doesnt seem to be anything like that here in Yorkshire so I’m grateful for this lifeline x
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I can express how I feel and my feelings are understood. Thank goodness for this chat! I really miss R and I always will. The part that makes me especially sad, are my adult children. My daughter can ignore my sorrow, never asks how I am. Never talks about her Dad. My youngest son thinks it is all about his loss. I have never ask my children for anything. I have always just got on with things. Why is life so hard?
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This loss is the most difficult to deal with as we have lost our future too and for you, having been through it twice it must be even harder.
On here we each have others who understand which is a huge help I think.
I don’t get on here much these days - it’s 2 1/2 years since I lost the love of my life and husband of almost 30 years. I am adjusting to the new life even though I don’t like being without him. I carry him in my heart and he is still in everything I do. I am determined to make him proud of what I do and try to look after the people and places which mattered to him.
Sometimes I’m sure he’ll be looking down saying ‘What on earth are you doing that for?’ or ‘you don’t do it like that,’ but I hope at other times he’ll be saying ‘Good on you.’
Karen xxx
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Thank you all for your understanding and kind thoughts. Today has been really tough and the future feels scary. It’s comforting to know there are other’s who fully understand. Take care everyone xx
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Thank you for your understanding. It really helps to realise that even though you are now on your own there are people out there who really do understand the truly awful situation that you find yourself in. It really upsets me when people say to you ‘ life goes on’. Well that may be the case for them but in truth it really doesn’t help when you are feeling frozen in time with absolutely no idea how you are going to get through each day. Many thanks and take care of yourself even though that is easier said than done.
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@Beryl1B
As we know only too well, life stopped when we lost our loved one so you are right, for us it doesn’t go on.
Gradually though we find the strength to create a new life, even if we don’t want that new life.
In my experience there are several months of just wishing the old life back so not having the ability to look towards a new life. The idea of a new life seems not only scary, but like letting our loved one down in some way; as if we are leaving them behind.
I now know that I can never leave my husband behind as he is in my heart and in everything I do.
I am creating a new life and in parts it’s a good life. I still carry grief with me but it isn’t on its own now and comes along with the good things I do.
It takes time for the brain to rewire to accept the truth of what has happened and not let you imagine that things are as they were, which leads to the kick in the teeth when the realisation hits again.
2 1/2 years after losing my love I am less flattened by the grief and even the guilt of enjoying life. That took me a while but, had I not known how good life was with my husband, I would say I was happy now. I will always grieve for the loss of that life but I do have a good new life. It’s hard to explain that so I hope I have put it in a way which makes sense to some people.
Getting to know and make friends with others who understand is a huge help in negotiating this journey. Knowing we can say anything to each other and it doesn’t sound ridiculous is so important. For example, for one in a group of friends I have it was a huge step to listen to music, for another to look at photos. We can support each other in and recognise these steps which would seem irrelevant to people who have not experienced this loss.
I hope you will find peace in your new life when you are ready to.
Love
Karen xxx
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Thank you for your encouragement. Its hard for many of us to imagine that we will ever find that peace but if we don’t believe its possible it would be very hard to keep going on. So thank you again, and I hope all of us on here will find a happy place again to live.
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Having such a hard day today. Nearly 4 weeks since I lost my husband. Went in shop to pick up some bits and just had a panic attack, had to get out. Got to the car and just broke down. The fear, the loss, the enormity of whats happening is beyond belief. I felt I was coping well, especially with help from all of you, but today is dreadful
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I get this too. Some times I feel strong and that I’m coping then other times and get scared and panicky. Sometimes out of the blue I will suddenly start crying. Been 3 weeks since I lost my love. I am hoping that at some point these episodes will get less for both of us.
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Yes, some days make no sense, one day you are surprised at your resilience and another you have the breaking strain of a soggy kit kat, hopefully things start to ease off xx
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It’s been 6 months now and there are definitely days that aren’t as bad. Memories, photos and places are painful but I don’t feel as if I’m drowning in fear, panic and anxiety. There are days when it’s pretty awful but I know that it’s not going to completely overwhelm and destroy me. Yes I miss him all the time and that makes me cry but that feeling of sheer panic when I didn’t want to be here anymore has subsided. Take care lovely people x
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Atrum - reading you recent post affected me a lot because what you talked about with regards to how you feel and see the stiuation now concerning you feeling to loosing half of yourself etc resonated strongly with my feelings as well, which are exactly the same as yours. I lost my wife 2 years ago in September within 1 month of our golder anniversary and the loss is still the same now as it was then allbeit a litle less raw.Grief is indervidul and ive found it takes what it takes. Be easy on yourelf, dont rush and take wach day as it comes
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This forum really helps. Sorry for your loss.
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