Grief getting even worse after a couple of months

I lost my amazing husband on July 8th and my grief is pretty much overshadowing every waking second of my days. I’m doing all the things that seem right for me like making sure I see friends every day and do something with them, walking the dog, talking to my husband and having his photos around and talking about him too and sharing stories of his life
. I have been crying a lot but now after almost three months I have to admit that my grief is getting even worse and I am crying even more and feeling more in despair every day.
Was I stupid to sort of hope that the grief would either stay the same or maybe even lift a little after a few months?
Just can’t believe it is getting steadily worse
How do/ have others found this ? Any advice or stories you can share would be so helpful


Hi Sandra, So sorry for your lose, I am 9 months on this horrible journey of grieving the loss of my wife, I have found that it comes over in waves, sometimes it changes by the hour, sometimes it changes buy the day and sometimes even by the month, yes it does seem as though it gets worse at times and for no reason, this is normal I have found, and this is where I have to rely on my friends and family, and forums like these to help me through the bad times, I still cry each day after 9 Months, we all grief in different ways but all have the same purpose. Good Luck Take Care Mickere x


Sorry for your loss Sandra I’m just the same my partner passed 7 months ago when certain things happen like having a letter addressed to her send me back into floods of tears


Honestly Sandra, after only a few months after losing your husband you are asking a lot of yourself if you think that you should be finding it easier.
I was like you and thought that six months and I would be back to my normal self although my husband was the love of my life I thought I was a strong resillient person. I kept busy just like you but I’m afraid grief is unforgiving and how we cope is really up to us as it is a sad lonely journey.
Keep up doing all the things you are doing and don’t be afraid of the tears it is all very important to your healing, you are on the right track but please don’t expect too much of yourself, not yet anyway.


Sandra hi !
It’s been almost eighteen months for me and although the pain has eased slightly you will always carry the sadness with you. I have good days and bad when I feel so hopeless :disappointed: I just carry on. You are doing all the rights things by seeing friends and keeping as busy as you can but only 3 months into this journey is no time at all so please, give yourself a break and take your time. It’s not a race to feel better, if we ever do, but you will learn to love alongside this grief. How you’re feeling is how we’ve all felt at some time.

Take care love


Hi Sandra

It’s been over 6 months for me and I feel that I am moving forward a bit. I stopped talking to Tony all the time as it just underlined his absence and left me crying all day.
It’s still early days for you but slowly you’ll realise that you are learning to live without your husband and that you do have a future. We never “heal”, just carry the grief less painfully.
Here if you need to talk. Emee xx


Hi @Sandra7 I feel just like and the same no children we were together 44 years I really regret it now as I would have a little piece of him still. Reading a lot of topics on this forum sometimes I wonder is the grief less having children for comfort I am not sure. It is nearly a year since I lost my beloved and I am worse now and cry continuously. You are lucky to have friends I see know one as live in a remote area I wonder every morning if I can carry on with this non purpose life. I wish I could be more upbeat but this is the site you can actually share how you feel without being judged.


Hi Jessica 1231,

You wonder whether grief is less having children for comfort. Well, as we can’t measure grief it’s hard to answer. We do have two grown up children and a grandchild. But my own personal grief has broken me. I wish I could be strong for my children but I believe I am failing in that department badly. I spend a lot of time on my own and I can’t get used to the stillness in the house. I used to love where I live but it is just a house now not a home any more. The life has gone out of it now. I do have friends but don’t see them as much as in the beginning of this nighmare. I also think my life has no purpose now and don’t see that ever changing. We all know that at some point in our lives that one of us (partners) will go first but the magnitude of my desperation, sadness, heartache, yearning, etc, etc is indescribable. I just want him back and that is never going to happen.X


I’m not brave or resilient. I lost my husband fifteen months ago and I’m filled with anxiety and cry all the time x


Hi Loobyloo 2

It’s 15 months since I lost Ian, and like you my life has no meaning now. I have two adult children and a granddaughter. My son and granddaughter live in Spain and my daughter over 200 miles away.
As to friends, they are few and far between and most have dismissed me from their lives. I met a ‘friend’ and her partner this morning for a quick coffee and it was obvious she had just fitted me in before she met a couple for lunch. After they left I was in tears at being treated this way as I thought she was a good friend! She’s moving away in a few weeks and she actually said that she’d try and squeeze me in to say goodbye, I said nothing, perhaps I should have.

Like you, it seems that I’ve not done a good job at being strong for my children. My son has never wanted to know and my daughter just wants me to get on and be happy. The problem is that I just can’t. My life is over and I just can’t see a future anymore. If I didn’t have children I might have taken the easy way out by now as that’s all that’s stopping me. The thought of many more years feeling as I do just fills me with with so much sadness……

I wish I was like many on this site who have moved forward but I can’t and believe me I have tried.

X Julie


Hi Julie,

I so feel for you but unfortunately, I have no words of comfort for you. I wake every morning knowing my life is the same and it will never change as my lovely husband is never going to be there to greet me. But I am sending you a big hug.X


Thank you x

Personally, I think you sound amazing @Sandra7.

I’m roughly 4 months ahead of you trecking along this tortuous route.

I think for the first few/several weeks, we’re sort of in shock and functioning on auto pilot - and I think this is the case whether it was an expected or unexpected death.

Just the enormity of getting your head around the fact that your loved one is no longer here is a huge ask.

While I no longer cry every day (that took a while), tears are never very far away and it wouldn’t take much to set me off.

I’m now able to say his name to someone else without falling apart, so that’s progress.

I can also speak on the phone to various organisations and say “my husband died on x date” without crumbling and sobbing so much that they’re unable to understand anything. - (One officious woman at the bank actually uttered the immortal line “Madam. Compose yourself!”) - so that’s a step in the right direction too.

I still find it hard to share stories with others, about his life.

I think, for me, it’s because that takes me back to happier times when he was here, but when the tale’s been told, mentally I have to return to the present time and that’s a hugely different place.

I’m experimenting by trying slightly different things to what was our “normal” in an attempt to carve out my “normal”.
Nothing that would set the World alight, just simple mundane things like moving a piece of furniture from room a to room b.
Trying out different supermarkets as opposed to sticking to our usual.
Trying different coloured bed linen to make a bedroom look a bit different - see, I said it was mundane!

But, I think in a way, it has helped to just gently nudge me out of sleepwalking through my life - it sort of bumps you into consciousness and makes you take notice.

In all honesty, I don’t know if it does help if you have children/no children, friends/no friends, family/no family, because the truth of the matter is, there isn’t a single person in the world who can take this grief away from us.
It’s ours to deal with as best we can.


Dear @Sandra7 you are not alone in your grief. I like you am almost 3 months into losing my husband. I have no one and though I try to meet so called friends they are either busy or cancel last minute. Solitude is not natural for us and I find myself hoping my turn to leave this world comes soon so that I can be reunited with Mike.


Frances passed away on the 30 may. I also see no point to life any more. My daughter and son both in their 50 s just wanted dad to move forward. I find I am crying more and more.
I try to keep going, used to cook our meals during the last three years of Frances life, but cannot face food any more. We loved our garden but again I cannot face being out there. Life has just left me.
I tried taking a coach holiday even that was a strain, just don’t want to move on.
So yes the grief is getting worst for me, take care everyone,


Hi Sandra,
I know exactly How you feel. The exact same thing happened to me at around five /six months. I went into a major panic as I suddenly felt a million times worse. I really wasn’t bargaining for it. But then I read up some stuff on grief and this does happen. Basically, reality kind of kicks in. I was beside myself. I’m about eight months now and still it’s really really hard. But that dip in the middle did pass and I went back to where I was before, if that makes sense. So hang in there it will pass. I know it’s terrifying when you start feeling worse but it’s all part of the process I guess. Like they say, it’s a rollercoaster. Sending you a hug x


Sandra I’m two years down the line and my grief is as bad some days as it was that every first day , and I just go with it better to let it out. There is no time limit in grief it will take as long as you need it to. If I’m feeling down I try to do something or listen to a particular type of music that lifts me spirts up , it’s doesn’t alway work and in those days I lock the door and just have a day to myself and my Rob I meditate on those days . Those days are getting further apart but they do still come .
Stay strong as I. Sure your husband would want to feeling down and in pain take care Karen xx


Hi Kazzar

Such sensible advice Kazzar. It’s been 15 months for me now and still some days are just awful. I just can’t seem to accept what has happened and I keep expecting/ hoping Ian will walk through the door or smile at me through the window. Life is just so, so hard on these days.

I met with a new bereavement group yesterday and far from making me feel better, I came away in tears. I just didn’t want to belong to a group like this even though I know I need to talk with people in a similar situation. My family live far away and probably my fault, but no real friends locally I can call upon.

X Julie

1 Like

Hi all well have had to turn to this site where we are all struggling and we know the pain that we are all feeling I have been struggling this week so much so I think really do is have to live this life with out my husband beside me I really don’t want to selfish as I have grown family they have there lives it’s so heartbreaking sitting alone when we would be struggled up together how I miss him never bargained for this yet so unfair just needed to vent off hope we all sleep
Sending all hugs xx

1 Like

Thanks for replying mickere- yes friends and some family are a good help when things are really unbearable - and this forum is so helpful - just to chat with other people who are going through the same thing. It’s a nightmare - never thought I would be in this situation but I guess that’s the same for us all