Hi Patti dot - thanks for your reply - I suppose I didn’t really think thinks would get easier after just a few months but I really didn’t think they would get worse. Maybe I didn’t fully acknowledge the finality of it all to start with and now that is truly sinking in - in never ending waves of despair . But I suppose it’s just get through each day for now x
Hi Georgie and thanks for replying - it is helpful to hear from someone further down the line in a way that there may eventually be some hope alongside the grief and that’s the great thing about this forum - that everyone understands
Hi emee and thank you for replying . It’s all such a nightmare and I never expected to be in this situation - it seems never ending and the grief just keeps piling on - it’s the finality of it I think which I am not sure now that I have even accepted yet. Although I thought I had - I did t really think things would feel easier yet but honestly didn’t expect to feel worse x
Hi Jessica and thank you for replying - I am sorry for you and everyone - all of us who are going through this. This site is a great resource though as we can all talk to each other and we all understand . Let’s all keep talking and sharing x
Hi winging it and thank you for your reply - you sound amazing too. I think the points you have made are spot on - about us not really taking it in or accepting it to start with - even though we think we have - especially when we are still doing things related to them - and so maybe that’s what I am going through now?
It’s the finality of it all That is hitting me now - strangely one of the worst thoughts is when I realis I have been almost three months without him - that’s frightening in itself - unbelievable that I haven’t touched his physical form or spoken with him or seen his lovely face un all that time. . It is like a new shock and realisation that he isn’t just going to reappear - can’t explain it really but that is one of the worst things when I think how long since I have seen him. I suppose it makes me feel more alone and disconnected from him although I still feel totally connected and don’t want to change that.
Sorry - rambling - but thanks for your reply. - and I agree that friends family etc - no matter how many we have - cannot change what has happened x
4 Likes
Thanks Shelley for your reply and sharing how it was for you too. That makes sense and I am going to do more reading up on it . It is so very very hard at the moment and I can’t see a light at the end of the tunnel. It your words are encouraging - just knowing the same thing has happened with others in the same situation
Thanks again for telling me this and sharing x
1 Like
I too thought I had accepted the finality of it all and at three months I fell apart. After 17 months I thought I would be in a different place but I have come to realise that I can’t let go. I feel under seige with grief every day. There are lots of jobs I can see need to be done but I have no motivation. I have to make myself do one job per day. I also have to be proud of myself for achieving this. No matter how small the task. This is what my counsellor has suggested. Move slowly and the little things I come to enjoy will turn into bigger things. I started today by sorting out the washing. I shook my way through it but I did it and I have to be proud of myself. Don’t expect too much of myself as grief will take as long as it takes. Most of the time I feel I am going through the motions but I have to start somewhere. If I start crying I don’t think I will ever stop x
2 Likes
Im the same my lovely husband died july 5th but i cry all the time maybe even more now. I miss him so much the pain is awful but im nearer to the age to know i wont be many years behind him
Im fine when im with people as they dont know what to say.
My darling told me i must live the rest of my life through him and not do anything silly but its hard
Ive had such a lovely time with him i have his ashes in a beautiful urn (its the planet saturn) and pictures and i chat and nag him but need a hug😢
1 Like
I took my dog for a walk this afternoon and bumped into a girl I used to go to school with. We were chatting for a while and then she asked about me. The floodgates opened and I couldn’t stop. I think I made her feel awkward as soon after she made her excuses to go x
I am the same, but don’t have any really good days, I lost my husband in July after he had been in hospital a month and a nursing home a month. I always thought he would be coming home for me to look after him, I didn’t think he would die, I am lost without him.so many decisions to make and no one to talk to. I was so happy before and now I am so unbelievably sad.
1 Like
Hi Sandra, I am another Sandra and have just joined this online group. My partner Ian died 6 months ago and I have just read through your post and the many replies. I just want to say a big Thankyou to you all. Just knowing others are experiencing the things I am is in itself a great comfort.
I really miss the hugs so am sending you all a virtual one
4 Likes
Hello Sandra71,
I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely sharing your story. I’m so sorry to hear about Ian and how you are feeling, that is so understandable. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.
You may find the following Sue Ryder resources helpful:
- Our Bereavement information pages
- Our Online Bereavement Support, which includes our free online bereavement counselling which is held via video chat, our Grief Guide which has interactive tools to help you cope with grief, and Grief Coach, where you can receive personalised support via text
I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.
Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.
Take care,
Alex
Hi. It’s 32 weeks on Friday since I lost my Tony. I’ve just started bereavement counseling and it really helps. Why don’t you try it? It doesn’t go away but knowing you have someone who is going to listen to you really helps. I find it’s like watching a film with me in it. Doesn’t feel real. Some people say they keep expecting the one they’ve lost to walk thro the door. No I don’t feel that i know he won’t. He died in my arms. But yet he still seems to be in our home and I can’t stay away over night as I feel I’d be leaving him on his own. My boys are grown up and lovely but talking to them would upset them and I would hate to do that. Please try counseling. The nurse at our doctors sorted mine for me
3 Likes
Thank you Alex, this is such a lonely road. I thought I was coping quite well but I have become increasingly anxious. I’ve been to the doctors and that helped but I feel as if I’ve taken a big step backwards
2 Likes
I relate to everything you say. My lovely Jo has been gone a year this month. I thought for a while I was over the worst but then it started to hit me in waves again and is still doing so. It’s back to how I felt a year ago. No rhyme or reason to any of it. I’m so sorry for your loss but your post was spot on.
3 Likes
Thanks for your concern. I’ve been seeing a councillor for a few weeks but so far I don’t know if they are helping.
My biggest problem is anxiety. Unfortunately when I get anxious it affects my physically, my guts churn and I have to force myself to try and eat.
Sorry to sound so down but I’m tired, I’m finding grief emotionless and physically exhausting
5 Likes
Just keep talking to them. It gets it out of your head. If you feel head just sit quietly in the moment and think about it. I found not trying to push stuff to the back of my mind helped. I was also advised to write it all down and that is amazing.
Hi sandra71. Welcome to this community, although I say welcome with a heavy heart because I know like the rest of us why you’re here. It’s coming up a year since I lost my wife. I’ve used this group on many occasions just to express my thoughts to strangers that are suffering as I am who I know will understand what I’m talking about. It comforts me to ramble at times to people I don’t know because it’s easier than crying and trying to express your feelings to family and friends. You are among friends in this group so use it to vent your feelings because we’re all with you.
4 Likes
I agree counselling helped me in preparation for my sons wedding which was just 3 months after my husband died suddenly. I was determined to put my anguish aside for one day and make it all about my son and his lovely now wife. The counsellor just listened and talked me through what would be the difficult times like the speeches and told me to ask to see them in advance which I did so there were no real surprises. When my son and his best man (my other son) talked about their dad I helped me hold it together except no one else in the room did and I ended up comforting them. What I’m trying to say even if you have one session it’s a step forward. It’s not for everyone I understand that but it’s worth a try.
Much love to you all
Georgina
3 Likes
Another hurdle today. My son helped dirt thro Tony’s clothes last weekend and he and his brother have taken a few items. I’ve kept some too. The bits that hold a particular memory for me. I’ve taken the rest 5 huge bags to cash for clothes and there are still some to sort out. I’m saving the money to buy a tree to plant in our garden in his memory. There already us one on the golf course where he used to play. Years ago laughingly we’d discussed what we wanted done with our ashes. He says scatter me in the 18th hole but I couldn’t do it as I felt I was throwing him away. So we bought a cherry tree and buried half his ashes under the roots The remaining ashes are held at the undertakers so that when I die we can ge put in together under another tree for eternity. Funny how these rituals help
3 Likes