Well I’m thinking my counseling is starting to help. 32 weeks in since bereavement and I haven’t been able to stay away from home overnight as I felt I was leaving tony on his own. Just in the process of doing the LPA forms. They need signing by a son who lives 250 miles away. I’ve suddenly started thinking about going down on the train to take the forms to him rather than risk the post. I’m going to chat to my counselor about it see what he thinks.
2 Likes
Yes, missing hugs here too @Sandra71.
My husband, Richard, died suddenly in April and I feel very lost without him.
I’m lucky that I still have my 24 year old, learning disabled daughter living with me and she loves hugs but you’ll all know that’s not the same. It still helps me to have to think of someone other than myself, even if it can be exhausting at times. Last night she was very tearful about lots of aspects of life and I needed to step up, from a particularly emotional and tiring couple of days for me, to be there for her.
1 Like
@Georgie15
It sounds as if you did AMAZINGLY. I hope I can do that well at my daughter’s wedding next year. She asked my husband’s best man to walk her down the aisle while he was here after speaking at his funeral. He cried when she asked but he’ll be brilliant we know.
Oh Karen what a lovely idea. Your husband would be so proud and I’m sure he’ll be with you every step of the way. I was exhausted by the end of the evening but thinking back I did pretty well. Hope all goes well with your daughter’s wedding. I’m sure it will.
BIG hugs
Georgina
1 Like
My daughter got married in May. She asked her uncle (my husband’s brother) to give her away. We visited the grave on the morning of the wedding and had a few tears then. Jessamy put a lovely photo of her dad on the top table and her brothers read out the speech between them. Alan had started to write it before he died. It was an emotional day but we were all determined to try and make it a happy one. I’m sure you too will get through the wedding and put a smile on your face. I’m going to be a nana in December for the first time. My husband would have loved to be a grandad. I’m just trying to dwell on happy times rather that torturing myself with what ifs. Unfortunately as much as we’d love to change things back to how they were we just can’t and have to go forward the best way we can. It’s not easy … Big hugs, Sandra ((xx)).
4 Likes
Well said Sandra I couldn’t have put it better myself. We never expected to be grandparents then suddenly we had four within 3 years and John idolised them. We just have to carry on don’t we ? We’d drive ourselves crazy thinking of the what ifs all the time so like you I am trying to focus on our good times and in the 46 years together believe me there was so many.
Take care
Georgina
1 Like
Thank you @Georgie15 and @Murphy1
I couldn’t agree more with you both, we HAVE to look at good memories and be grateful for what we had or drive ourselves mad.
We won’t be very far from my husband’s grave for the whole event as my daughter has decided to hold the reception in the church nave so she can be as near to her Dad as possible throughout. She will put her bouquet on the grave.
My other daughter with the learning disability will probably come up with some other idea to do. At the funeral she gave her Dad a piece of cake, since he always loved his cake, - she threw a piece into the grave with him and came bounding down from there to the nave to tell me she had done that. She is a joy to us. 
1 Like
@shelleyj Really interesting you say that. I had an attack - blue lighted to hospital - collapsed, in and out of consciousness, sweating buckets, giddy, sick as a dog with constant retching. Had a brain scan, then aorta scan, heart scan, full bloods, kept in Major Traumas overnight until everything passed but no one had a clue what happened.
I had been doing yoga meditation to release the heart shakra channels (whatever that is) when I had the attack - but no idea if thia was pent up grief? I can’t accept my darling wife has gone, living in denial with distraction and Continuing Bonds - was this the same for you?
1 Like
Sorry to hear about what happened to you Dennis. It must have been such a frightening experience, I hope you have fully recovered now.
Sending you my very best regards.
2 Likes
Thanks @Solost - nothing similar since, but very worrying. I’m going to do a separate post about it, and see if it has happened to anyone else? Hoping all as least bad for you at the moment as possible…
1 Like
I am with you I lost my husband 15th August and I am getting worse instead of better I was going back to work supporting our daughter and now I don’t want to get out of bed all I want to do is cry
2 Likes
i get that. not been out all weekend. was supposed to go out for lunch. Make any excuse up. Cant be bothered just want to stay in and cry. No more cuddles and kisses makes me sad
1 Like
Hi Annmarie - thank you for replying and so sorry you are in this group where none of us wanted to be. It’s so very hard every day and I am not sure I have really accepted my husband can’t come back to me yet. I thought I had - but now it is hitting me again all the time . Apparently for the first three months or so we are actually numb even though we certainly don’t feel it - but then it starts to feel even worse after that. .
4 Likes
Wingingit
Your reply post makes so much sense to me.
thank you
x
1 Like
Makes sense to me too.
1 Like
Thanks for those ideas and comments. I have found myself doing similar in that I have changed small things in the house and try to make little differences in habits and routines. I think it helps me too.
The idea of going away without my husband is simply too upsetting unless I think of something we would never have done together. Not sure when I will want to go but I will have to make myself to take my learning disabled daughter away. She struggles with holidays at the best of times and I don’t want to lose any more progress we had made. Already gone backwards with COVID restricting anything.
2 Likes