Thank you. It is such a hard path to be on. I spent the last 6 months fighting for someone to listen and take notice of how ill she was. It’s just so sad 
She knows everything you did for her.
Its a privilege to support our parents when they need us. But it is so so hard. I hated watching my vibrent mum decline and losing her mobility and voice at the end. I miss her so much.
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I think I am still trying to get over the shock of it all. We only had 2 hours to get our heads around the fact she had terminal cancer before she died. It was the worst moment of my life 
Oh bless you, 2 hours is no time at all. I got 10 weeks which allowed us to say goodbye. She died in November 23.
My dad suddenly died 10 days ago. I didn’t get to say goodbye or hold his hand as he died as it was sudden. It hurts so much whether you know or not. I hooe you can begin to heal in the future. Its raw for me right now so I’m just in the fog of grief and guilt. Take care. X
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It must be so hard when you don’t get to say goodbye. I know I need to old on to the fact that we were with her when she died. But I feel robbed, robbed of the last few months of her life and robbed because how can it have been her time
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It’s never easy whatever way. My dad died of cancer five years ago. My mum suddenly on new year’s day. I seemed to handle dad’s death better than I’m handling mum. Perhaps because there was nothing left unsaid with dad and we were all there. I’d only left mum three hours beforehand and called back in to see her after visiting my husband at hospital. She was just sitting on the couch, she’d had her tea and got ready for bed after I’d left so it couldn’t have been too long. But they asked me to do CPR on her which was hard!! I’m trying to take comfort that she got her wish to die at home with no suffering or pain like dad. But even though she was 83 I thought she had many more years left in her. People have said focus on the quality of her life and I do think that after dad died I helped her live again but we were joined at the hip for those five years I’m completely lost. Been off work for a month and signed off again another two. My boss is great and very supportive but I do think sometimes having a structure and purpose may help in my grief journey but I don’t think I’m ready yet. The last few days I’ve really tried to think about her in a more positive way and how it was a privilege to look after her after dad died. We went everywhere together and she never missed an opportunity to have a trip into town or coffee. Today is the first time I’ve had a bit of motivation to even do some housework. I’m walking the dog a lot and as a runner hoping to get back out running soon as I found that helped after dad died but I’ve had the most horrendous cold the day after the funeral and it’s still lingering now. Sending love and strength to all going through this 
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It’s so hard to comprehend. My Nan died like your mom at home and no drama which is what she wanted, but that was really hard for me to accept as i didn’t get to say goodbye or see her after she died. The on the flip side i was with my mom, but it was traumatic. But at least she wasn’t alone.
I feel that until the day she died we had hope that she would get better or go some way to being in better health. It’s was a shock. I feel so sad and emotional today. I can’t believe that she has gone and still in shock with how it happened 
Sending love and strength today x
Let it out and go with how you feel try not to fight it navigating our way through our grief is going to be hard and take a long time. It’ll never go away and I suppose people are right when they say it’s the price we pay for the love we had for our mum. I’m holding on to the fact that because of our special relationship is why it hurts but I’d rather have that love than not.
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Yes, it hurts because the were so special and we loved them so much.
My head hurts today, I want to cry, but no tears are coming.
I haven’t cried for quite a while now. But I’m trying not to put pressure on myself and just go with what my body feels and wants at the time
Dear @Becca_d it hurts me to read your post. I haven’t read your previous posts so don’t know much about your situation. I want to wish you well.
My dad didn’t have the right medical care and this part I try to forget as it doesn’t change anything and it only makes me angry. I rather focus on my dad, our memories and my love for him.
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@nadine1 thank you. It’s hard as I need answers or someone to say we got it wrong and should have done a better job. She had been ill for several months back and forth to Dr’s & specialists. Then went into hospital, 11 days later they did a CT scan and 2 hours before she died we were told that she had metastatic ovarian cancer. It breaks me when I think about it all. It was really traumatic for her and for us.
My anger is more controlled right now, but it really hurts.
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Just echoing the sentiments in here: every day is painful. Had my dad have been seen by someone medically qualified, instead of by a ‘trainee clinical practitioner’ he’d have likely had 20+ more years with us, like his dad had before him. I’m so terribly devastated .
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I’ve also been struggling with thoughts that dad might still have been here. It comes in waves and doesn’t relent.
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It does, the waves ebb and flow. My head is pounding today. I just have to get through this week of work and then a week off.
I just want to curl up and sleep for a month. I want this night mare to be over.
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Ah, I’m glad that you’ve got a week off coming up, Becca. 
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Just been writing in my book to my mom: I miss her so much. She was my inspiration and my champion. She always encouraged me and spurred me on. I am so lost without her. I think I am in denial, I don’t want this to be true anymore. I want to wake up from this nightmare.
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That’s so lovely that you write to your mum. I intend to write to my dad. But I want to buy a really nice book, first. I just went out on a long walk, and talked aloud to my dad for much of it.
As HRH Elizabeth II said, grief is the price we pay for love. I’m aware that it wasn’t her quote originally, but I’ve forgotten whose it was.
I don’t want this to be true, either. I’m constantly trying to rationalise it, and telling myself that people do battle on without their loved ones. But at the same time, I’m weary from the battle.
But hopefully we all have someone who needs us - be it our other parent, our pet, our friends, the community on here… My mum and my best friend need me, and I need them.
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Having said that (“grief is the price we pay for love”), I adore and idolise my grandad, who died aged 99. But his passing was so much easier to accept. He gradually became frailer with age, and he actually said to me that he was ready to go. He had a good long life, and I miss him loads. But we were able to celebrate his amazing life.
This is incomparable. The shock, the medical negligence, the fact that my dad was young, fit and able, with zero health complaints and was on zero medication…
It’s more than just grief that we’re feeling. It’s anger that our loved ones didn’t get the dignity / care that we know they should have had, and the fact that they would otherwise still be with us.
Which is why I’m not sure how useful the grief counselling I’ve signed up for is likely to be. As Ulma has previously mentioned, perhaps trauma counselling is more appropriate.
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I have a notebook with a hedgehog on it, my mom lived hedgehogs. I haven’t written in it for ages. But I just wanted to today.
I have just been sobbing with my husband. I just can’t do this. I feel so sad, I need my mom so much.
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