Grief is so exhausting

The exhaustion from grief is horrible. I just can’t function and feel totally burnt out. Am I ever going to feel some kind of ok again?

I woke up in the night feeling like I was going to be sick. I miss my mom so much my heart hurts.

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Aw @Becca_d I totally get it. The way grief affects us physically is shocking. It’s made my sinuses completely blocked from crying, feel lightheaded, panicky, sick, and also absolutely exhausted. I also can’t sleep much and keep waking up around the time my mum passed away, so that doesn’t help. It really takes a toll on you. It affects me feeling like I can’t go into work too. It’s hard to get out of bed and leave the house. How long has it been for you now? I think it may potentially take a long time before we start to feel any sort of ‘normal’ again. The grief will still be there, but maybe we’ll just learn to live around it? I hope one day we’ll smile more at the nice memories and it’ll be slightly less heavy. Take care xx

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It’s so hard. It’s been 3 months. I can barely get out of bed, but I do and have been to work today. I don’t want to be at work, but I don’t want to be off either but I can’t keep going like this. I am seeing my GP tomorrow so hoping to come up with a plan. I feel so overwhelmed.

It sounds so hard for you too. How long has it been for you?

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Sending you hugs. :heart: Speaking from the perspective of both an old loss and a new loss, yes, you can at some point feel some kind of ok. I was certain I wouldn’t survive losing my mum, we were that close, and I’m not sure how I did it, but I’m still here. It hasn’t made it easier now, though, having recently lost my dad. I’m back to not coping again and being exhausted from the grief and the pain that makes everything hurt.

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Hi @Becca_d it’s been almost 3 months for me too :disappointed: In many ways it feels harder the longer it’s gone on as it’s just more time I’ve had to be without her. I miss her so much and I have regrets, like I wish I cherished how special she was more at the time and told her how amazing she was every day :disappointed: We were always talking about normal stuff and seeing each other and I took it all for granted. I thought she’d always be with me. I’m 32, so definitely didn’t expect to lose her at this age. I feel like I need my mum still so much. Good idea going to your GP to see what they can offer. I’ve been having grief counselling through work. It’s helped, kind of, but my counsellor doesn’t offer advice, she just listens. I’m still travelling this grief journey completely alone. Let me know how it goes for you. Here if you need to talk x

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I feel guilty in a way as I am 48 and had her all those years. But she was my everything, my best friend. She loved my kids and they loved her. The circumstances surrounding her death are really hard and I just can’t come to terms with it and still trying to process it all. My GP is brilliant and really supportive. I see a counsellor and have a session this week. I live with depression and anxiety everyday and this is all just so heavy.

Take care

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You don’t need to feel guilty at all. And I know what you mean about struggling to come to terms with how they died. My mum never got to have her cancer treatment that could have gave her many more years alive, because she had a stroke. I really struggle with that, and how she was treated in the hospital. I’m sorry you’re also struggling with the circumstances around how your mum died. It makes processing it all so much harder. How is your counsellor with you? Does yours offer any advice or ways to cope, or is she more like mine, and just listens but doesn’t often say much? Glad your GP is really supportive Xx

My counsellor is really good, but I have been seeing her for over 3 years. She has been on this journey with me about my mom this year . She does offer advise, I think if you pay for therapy you get more out of it. When I have had anything via NHS like CBT it isn’t very good.

I fought for 6 months for someone to listen to me about my mom. She had been in hospital for nearly 3 weeks, they finally did a CT scan & the next day we were told she had metastatic ovarian cancer. 2 hours later she died. So many questions and I am fighting to get her medical records from the GP. We have all the hospital records.

It’s such a difficult time of year with it being Christmas. I want it to be nice, but I can’t be bothered either.

Hi Becca_d,
The exhaustion is normal I feel. I am the same after nearly a year. It completely changes your life and I honestly don’t know what normal is anymore. I still have the pain and feel heartbroken after losing my mum last Dec.
Thinking of you
Deborah x

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I feel the same my mum has been gone 5 weeks and I can barely sleep my brain can’t function properly I don’t know what I’m meant to be doing from one day to the next I’m signed off work as I’m grieving but in hindsight I’m totally exhausted as that’s what it is doing to me.

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I am so sorry for your loss. It is just so hard to navigate through every day. I just can’t believe I am having to go through this. Take care

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Sorry for your loss as well I’d like to think in a year’s time I’ll have accepted her death but don’t think I will have, it’s mental exhaustion 24/7 I just want to be able to close my eyes without crying myself to sleep every night the stress is affecting everything including my eyesight, Take care

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List, that sounds so hard. I totally know where you are coming from. I think about my mom every second of the day. I feel like I am running on empty.

@Becca_d I know exactly what you mean. Grief shakes your stable world to its core. When I lost my Dad in March, I felt constantly nauseous. I didn’t feel normal either, which seems a strange thing to write. Over the last 8 months I’ve groped blindly thru grief & it’s hard. Some days are worse than others. I just wanted you to know, I get it, that permanent disfigurement to your life. It sucks. X

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You lose your bearings completely. It’s like not knowing which way is up and which way is down. And everyone says that you can do this, but it’s more about not wanting to. Not wanting to be or to do things without that person.

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Yes, people say you are doing well etc & you can do this. I don’t want to have to be doing this. :disappointed:

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I know the exact pain you’re all going through having lost my mum 5 weeks ago . She was my world and like some of you the circumstances to her death are being investigated and the coroner couldn’t find a cause of death so I have been told it can take 16-20 weeks as more tests had to be taken
It destroys me not knowing what’s happened on top of the fact I wasn’t there the moment she passed away . I cry constantly and can’t see a way out of it . I know grief from losing my father but this feels so much different
I just want to say sorry for leaving her that day xx

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Exactly. I feel like a stubborn child digging my heels in and screaming no at the top of my lungs.

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So sorry for your loss. It’s an awful place we find ourselves in. 16-20 weeks! What a nightmare, not knowing for certain what happened. My heartfelt sympathies.

Guilt is so common. I have lots of guilt too, I think it’s unavoidable and it’s easier from an outsider’s pov to give advice than to find a way out when you’re drowning in it. I don’t know the circumstances, but I’m sure she wouldn’t have wanted you to feel guilty and maybe, as some say, she wanted to spare you at the end and chose to leave when you were away. :heart:

It’s just the not knowing and it
Isn’t about blame because it doesn’t change anything but if there is something that could have been avoided let’s help it helps someone else . She was given a paracetamol overdose whilst in hospital and there is an ongoing enquiry plus the outcome when we get it of the post Mortem
It’s just so unfair my mum wouldn’t hurt anyone and when I left there was no signs of this . Everyone as told me I can’t blame myself and maybe she didn’t want me there but it doesn’t take away or change the pain I feel .
I can’t put into words my love for my mum as im sure you can’t .
I am also deeply sorry for your loss it really is so so sad xx

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