It is so hard not having answers. My mom was the most beautiful soul and deserved a good death. They just didn’t listen and her care was all wrong for what she had. It breaks my heart. I have to get the questions answered for myself and do that it doesn’t happen to someone else.
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You’re so right Becca and there is our exact thinking as a family also . It shouldn’t happen it shouldn’t be allowed to happen . I witnessed first hand there is a lot of good doctors and nurses within the nhs there is also a lot of people that shouldn’t be near them I fell out with many of them regards how they treated and spoke down to my mum x
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I saw my GP tonight and had a good talk about how I am feeling. He listened and cared, makes me sad that my Mom’s GP didn’t listen and didn’t care. I am doing reduced hours for the next month. If I don’t I will end up being off work all together. I need to just be quiet and grieve.
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I’ve had to be signed off work was due to go back 9th of December I work in a busy pharmacy and I just can’t face being on that front desk knowing I have to hide behind a smile so I’ll be getting my Dr to sign me off again till after the new year as I can’t face people wishing me all the best not knowing I’m grieving inside I just can’t face it I’m just not ready I need to deal with Christmas and I’m a wreck people ask me how I am and I just burst into tears.
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I am going to see my gp in the morning as I broke down to them on the phone today I am going to see if they can help me in any way
I know what you mean regards breaking down the woman in the cob shop said you’re missing someone and I just went . I feel so sorry that I’m not alone in this pain and sadness x
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I work as a careers advisor in a high school, advising kids on their life choices etc. I. A barely function let alone advise kids on what decisions they should make. Schools are horrible environments at times and they don’t really care.
I hope your GP can give you some support . I really appreciate all these comments as it makes me feel less alone in my grief.
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Yes of course and kids wouldn’t understand or Pick up on it . It does help talking on here as heartbreaking as it is to hear how many people are suffering the same heartbreaking life changes and sadness
I don’t know what all your beliefs are but I do find myself wondering what my mum is doing now and if she really is with my dad . What I would give to hear her voice again
I can’t even contemplate Christmas this year . I just have no desire to celebrate or feel happy and don’t think I will for a long time x
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I’m just not able to let Christmas pass me by I so wish I could but I have my dad to think about who’s 91 and my 2 girls 12 and 14 or I would just shut the door and curl up that’s how I’m feeling because if it wasn’t for them I would have no reason to get up in the morning.
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I feel so sad for you Lucy. I want to make Christmas nice for my dad and my kids. Mine are 22 & 23. It’s my dad’s birthday the week before Christmas as well so I need to make that nice for him. I totally get it, I could just stay in bed and sleep & not get up. Are you having any counselling?
Sending you lots of love
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Thank you and I do understand that it doesn’t help with the pain you feel. My dad (who I lost just a couple of weeks ago) was also treated badly at the hospital and they missed things that were important. I yelled at them so much and that is a trauma in itself. I hope you can get to the bottom of what happened, because what you describe is horrible beyond words. I wish neither of us had had that anger to deal with on top of the grief. It’s a big part of my guilt too, that I feel I should have saved him from them.
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I’m just on a phased return at work, customer facing role, after 11 weeks off.
It’s so difficult to pretend to be ok, I’ve cried 2 out of the 4 times I’ve been in.and as you say hiding behind a smile is sometimes impossible. Definitely a good idea to keep yourself off when you know you’re not ready to be back yet x
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So I went doctors today and broke down again . She has put me on setraline and also giving me sleeping tablets . I know people are trying to help but no tablet is going to take away the heartbreak and pain I feel in losing my beautiful mum . And I received a call from the funeral directors today to tell me mums
Ashes are back . Just what I didn’t need to hear . I know how life works but I don’t understand any of this and how we are here 
xx
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I hear you. I know how life works but I hate how it works. Take it carefully with sertraline, they can be difficult to start with and sometimes there’s more anxiety in the beginning (I’ve taken them at one point). Better to begin with a smaller dose and go up slowly.
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The GP said he was referring me and the girls for grief counselling but I havnt heard anything back yet, we scattered part of mum’s ashes today in the garden of remembrance the other part is going abroad with my dad’s ashes when the time comes and I’m scattering them at their favourite holiday place.
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I am so glad i found this place, i’ll go into more details in a new post but just wanted to say i feel exactly the same, i have lost both my parents (among other family members) my mum 13 years ago and my dad 7, i was in my mid 30’s at the time and never had counselling etc, in the end i now believe i had a breakdown, the main thing to remember is you’re not on your own and grief can effect us in different ways, i bottled everything up so it’s good you’re getting help.
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I feel so down , lost and fed up .
If I had the balls I would go be with my mum which I would love but I darent . I don’t have any purpose here any more . Xx
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I’ve had a really bad day today and to top it all I’ve just had a meltdown and screamed at the top of my lungs I’ve wanted my mum so much today it hurts, I don’t want to be here no more the grief hurts too much, but I can’t do that to my girls however much they hate me right now I hate myself for not being the mum to them that my mum was to me I’m just not strong enough the grief is killing me the thought of facing Christmas and she’s not here is killing me more inside each day it hurts with every breath I take, I just feel like opening the front door and walking away.
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Hugs you tightly. I’ve been there, I am there, the last few days have been bad for me too. Nothing helps, nothing would help except having them here. I know. I hate this and I’m sorry to hear you are in the midst of it as well.
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I’ve allways been able to hide how I’m feeling but not this it’s something completely different my life will never be the same again and look at my life going forward now and I can’t see a future anymore is this what I’m going to be like allways wishing I wasn’t here not sleeping and when I do opening my eyes to the same nightmare everyday my girls deserve better they are stuck in the middle of it all trying to deal with what is happening around them, trying to deal with their Nan not being here they were so close to her they practically lived with their nan and grandad especially the youngest but how can they fully understand what I’m going through losing my mum, they are my babies even though they are 12 and 14 they are still my babies and shouldn’t have to deal with this.
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It sounds like such a tough place. I really get it. Please try and speak to your GP they are they to help and support you.
I am just feeling numb & empty at the moment.
Sending you all hugs xx
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