Dennis,
This is so helpful, I was with my wife all day and nipped off for 5 minutes to get a coffee. I got a call to get back to the ward and she had gone, I felt so angry with myself until my counsellor told me of many stories whereby they wait for you to leave the room.
I have a reoccurring dream whereby we are only separated, I go to ting her to see how she is getting on then awake to the reality that she is actually gone. I think this may be my subconscious not accepting the reality of her loss.
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I saw this earlier -
When I post about my husband it’s not to receive sympathy,
It’s to keep his memory alive.
G. X
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That’s so true 
Significant as it’s our anniversary today -
G. X
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@Foyze I’m glad it helped - it certainly helped me and avoids potentially horrific guilt. I am visiting the hospice weekly (counselling and taking kilograms of chocolates for the nurses) - and this aspect of loved ones choosing to pass in a way to protect their partner is always mentioned - and extremely common.
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Ours was 26th October first one it was hard. X
@DennisS, this has given me ‘food for thought’.
My kids and I were all present when my darling husband was feeling sick with bad stomach pains. Then, when he went into the bathroom, we waited for him to come out and when we became worried that he was in there a bit too long, we opened the door and he was gone.
I had never thought of it that way before, but maybe yes, he didn’t want us to see him leaving us forever.
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@solost I thought about this a lot, and I’m certain from those in the hospice that it is true: Sharon knew that I would shortly climb into her bed to hold her in my arms all night - and she felt that once I did, of she passed the shock of me being alone, realising she had gone, still holding her, calling nurses, and refusing to let go would probably have ended me, so she chose to protect me.
I then remembered that when I had cancer, I’d decided to say goodbye to my kids, then my darling Sharon - but to go on my own or with a nurse (Dignitas?), to save her from witnessing the event. I still can’t unremember when the nurse told me she’d gone, looking at her, the disbelief, the shock, the permanence, the ending of everything - and I constantly have flashbacks. So yes @Solost I’m sure he also went in the way he chose, yo protect you…
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I am the same as you, @Solost and @Pattidot.
I try to keep my inspiration to get things done by knowing it would make Richard proud of me. He worked so hard to look after our home, garden and farmland so I will continue with that work in his honour.
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I am so sorry. Sending love xxx